The Chain
by peterpauper
Summary: Promise not to promise anymore.
1. Authors Note

This story is in addition to Au Fait, a Bleach fanfiction. It was requested by a reader and encouraged by others. So...here it goes.

I know I've been gone a while and I'm sorry. There were valid reasons, one of which was a rather epic concussion. I've had issues with lights and with concentrating ever since.

But here it is. The story within the story of Au Fait.

I have kept the characters names as they are in Au Fait simply because it would be very confusing to have them changed and then have to go with that. I know I would write them wrong and get confuzzled. So Kira is Kira, Grimmjow is Grimmjow.

Here goes.

Blessings,

P.


	2. Preface

**Preface**

* * *

><p><em>The sky looks pissed<em>  
><em>The wind talks back<em>  
><em>The bones are shifting in my skin <em>  
><em>And you my love are gone<em>

_My room seems wrong_  
><em>The bed wont fit<em>  
><em>I cannot seem to operate <em>  
><em>and you my love are gone<em>

_I'll never say that I'll never love,_  
><em>Oh, but I don't say a lot of things,<em>  
><em>And you my love are gone<em>

_So glide away on soapy heels_  
><em>And promise not to promise anymore<em>  
><em>And if you come around again<em>  
><em>Then I will take the chain from off the door,<em>

_(Ingrid Michaelson, The Chain) _

* * *

><p>To be different is to be discouraged, it is to be an outcast and it is to be an individual. When Kira Sato was born her mother had been very sick. The infant child came into the world silent with a milky haze over her eyes. She lived her first few months blind and under the desperate tears and prayers of her parents. They were a very important family and for them to have not had a son but a sick daughter was already a hard blow for them.<p>

Someone somewhere heard their prayers. A shadow in the night, some unseen god, touched the girl. Her eyes slowly became grey and by the time she was sixteen had developed into a striking green.

The mother grew stronger after her difficult pregnancy but never fully recovered. She never bore another child and never accepted that she would have no son until the day she died.

Kim Sato was a man of intense influence and power. He watched his daughter grow tall and willowy; he watched as her hair lengthened and became straight and inky black just like her peers', he watched as she learned to defy authority in an acceptable way.

Kira liked to learn. She had been found sitting outside the boys' classroom when she was younger, listening to their history, math, science and geography lessons. Her father had chastised her hard for the act but soon after had given her a small book full of poems, he told her to practice calligraphy with the words inside.

Soon the girl learned that she could slip into her father's library and go missing for hours. She would be found pouring over a map or a book on theology, philosophy or literature.

The child had been misplaced from her first day at lessons. She learned dance, music, art, calligraphy, how to pour tea, entertain gests and uphold conversation; she learned to be the accomplished young woman that belonged to families such as her own. The young girls in her class watched her arrive on their first day. Her little shoes, white robe, box of pens…they were all normal and everyone was presenting with the same. But they had all heard about how she had been born blind, they had been told that the Emperor had reached out to the gods that had placed his family on the throne and asked them to bless his friend's daughter with sight.

Kira Sato had been told the same story by her mother but she had always seen her difference as a burden. All the other girls and boys had a deep chocolate or midnight black eyes, beautiful eyes that matched their hair and saw inconsistency. Kira used to fall asleep wishing that she had an eye colour like theirs just so they would stop noticing her, so that they wouldn't talk to their families and so that their fathers wouldn't remember her father had no son.

Kim Sato was close to the Emperor just as his father had been and his father before that. Their line reached back at the side of Royalty for generations. The Sato's were friends, prime minsters, advisors, merchants, military personnel. There had never not been a male heir to carry the line on until this point.

And then there came this idea…these simple words that could upturn a nation. They came from the mouth of the Emperor himself.

"Friend," He said "Marry her into the Admiral's family."

The Admiral in question had schooled with the Emperor, had trained for war with him, had been friends with him just as his father before him and his father before that. Of all the families in all the nation there were only two that could claim such a line. If the two lines ever met then they would grow in power like a tsunami and over time could potentially create devastation and take a whole land into their power.

The Emperor continued. "We often encourage our right-hand men to marry down slightly as not to rival the Royal family, but I say marry her there. If they bare a son he will have the blood power of both your families combined, his line will be the one to take the throne if mine cannot continue, his influence would be unstoppable; he would have all my power but none of it would be ordained by the gods. Marry her to the Admiral's eldest."

Kim Sato looked at his friend with a mute face. "There would be an uprising, that is why it is discouraged. All your rivals would see their chances at the throne ended, they would start wars. The people would see it as dictatorship, as defiance against the supernatural."

"Your daughter has been touched by the same powers that put me and my fathers on the throne."

"I know but…but she would be in danger all the time."

"A good thing the Admiral's son is such a force to be reckoned with."

Kim hesitated. "Emperor…even if the Admiral agrees, his son is betrothed to another."

"That boy has been betrothed a thousand times and every time he is introduced to the girl he either decides against it all and forces his fathers hand, or in the rarest case, she runs away."

Sato exhaled. "I cannot go against you."

"You are allowed to, I am suggesting this as a friend."  
>"This could be seen as treason. Are you not afraid that the child will threaten your power?"<p>

"My family has been in this position for a very, very long time. If someone is to overtake us it is because it is time for us to be overtaken."

The man shook his head solemnly. "I cannot see that happen through my own blood."

The Emperor smiled quietly. "We have known each other since we were boys and you have never harmed me. You, nor your blood, could not turn against me now. A new foundation will be created, a new strength for the nation – two families, both alike in dignity, changing the court, politics, war…forever. It will not harm me nor my line, only strengthen it."  
>"And if my child is harmed? If she bares no child?"<p>

"Sato…" The man on the throne whispered in an excited tone. "This union would be greater than any son you could have dreamed of."

* * *

><p><em>Same rules as before, let me know if you like it or not. Constructive Criticism welcome. I know I have a long way to go to being a good writer so every little bit of help is very much appreciated.<br>Blessings,  
>P. <em>


	3. Chapter 1

_I want to see, real, living, and in all the hours of my own days, that glory I create as an illusion. I want it real. I want to know that there is someone, somewhere, who wants it to. Or else what is the use of seeing it, and working, and burning oneself for an impossible vision? A spirit, too, needs fuel. It can run dry. _

(Ayn Rand)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Kira Sato would always live a life within a life just like all the women who had come before her. There were secrets and deep desires, things a female in that time could not entertain but rather hid away in the furthest reaches of their soul. But Kira felt them calling her, singing songs about war, about life, about educated men forming theories for themselves. And she couldn't help herself. She was Pandora and her heart was the box, once open she had no desire to close it no matter how much it hurt.

It started to happen on her first day of lessons. Between her first dance class and her first music lesson she was read poetry by a scholar. The words had been very simple and the context exceptionally obvious, but it was beautiful. When something is so clear it can be admired for what it is, its lovely because it doesn't pretend to be something else. Kira learned as she grew that lovely things are hidden in the most confusing, long winded, verbose texts; they just had to be found and deciphered for ones self.

The Sato child had been doomed socially since her first outing with other young girls. They all belonged to families that dwelled within the court and they were all raised along the same lines. Kira should have, by every possible justification, been a 'popular' girl.

Unfortunately the first girl she had met was Mai and the first words out of Mai's mouth were "What happened to your eyes?"

Kira stilled as the words caught up with the other children. Her nurse, Hana, knelt down at her side and whispered in her ear. The little girl felt her hair tucked behind her ear by the woman's hand.

"They're the colour of a cabbage! A frog! You've got frog eyes!" Mai thought this was very amusing indeed.

The young Sato couldn't quite get her head around the obviousness of such an assault. Beauty was not apparent in all things obvious. "A Shinigami gave them to me."

"Shinigami don't exist, stupid."

"Yes they do." A little voice sounded. "A Shinigami took my mother away."

"Your mother died, Amaya."

Kira stared. "You should let her believe it if she wants. If it makes her feel better."

The pretty little child smiled at the Sato. Mai scowled.

"At least I'll grow up to be a dark eyed beauty along with the rest of these girls. You'll always be a froggy."

The girls dispersed easily and left Kira standing there with her nurse. Amaya approached her and quietly whispered in her ear. "I think you'll be beautiful, don't worry."

Kira smiled smally and spent the rest of the day with the other girl but it didn't stop her from crying when she got home. When she was thirteen the Sato had her most memorable encounter with Mai. They were with a group of girls in a tea house beside a lake. The details were hazy, as they usually are with such things, but Kira remember vividly what was said just before she was pushed into the water.

"Back to where you belong, froggy." Were the words.

She lost her favourite comb that day. She had also become exceptionally sick and spent the next two weeks in bed fighting a fever. The doctor said it was a cold but Kira had read somewhere that people got sick after falling in stagnant water. There might be something in it but it had been a denied report.

Until she was thirteen Kira hated her eyes, she thought they made her ugly. All the other girls were beautiful with their dark hair and eyes. She had inky black hair like the rest of them, she had the pale skin and the clean hands, but she had always looked at the other girls' eyes and wished for the ones she thought prettiest.

And then she was told that her eyes were like emeralds, like the colour of the sea after a big storm. Her father had held his hands over hers and smiled before wiping her tears away and giving her a book.

"You will have to marry a man with a big library." He smiled.

Kira laughed as he kissed her on the head and vanished as he usually did into the wide corridors of the palace. From that day on she decided that she would be quick to deal with her problems and that every fight would be over before it had begun. There were too many things worth her time.

And such were her childhood years.

As a teenager, Kira enjoyed her lessons and confided in Hana about the thoughts only men were able to express. Her nurse thought the child thoughtful but also fanciful. Her future was to marry and have children. No male heir had come so the match was exceptionally important.

On her seventeenth birthday, Kira's mother sat her down and told her of the Emperor's suggestion.

Iwa Sato was an neat woman with high cheekbones and a strong jaw. On her daughter these features looked feline and not pretty as they had on her at the same age. Kira had become willowy and elegant over time but was still not considered a true beauty like other girls.

"Kira," Iwa started pouring tea in the rich room. The red cushions, the black tea-pot, the delicate finishing's were all strong and accurate. "Kira, I must speak to you."  
>"I have a music lesson shortly. Is it very important?"<p>

"It is. I have cancelled your lesson and arranged another meeting for you."  
>The young woman looked perplexed. "Has something happened?"<br>"Yes and no." Iwa handed her daughter a cup. "You have always known you would marry, but now the time is growing closer."

"I would rather fall in love."  
>"A whimsical idea, child." The woman sipped her tea. "But you and I both know how important it is to this family that you marry right. The Emperor himself has suggested a match and it has been in the cards for a year now."<p>

"A year?"

"Yes. Most of your friends are now married. Amaya wed just a few weeks ago."  
>Kira nodded. She hadn't seen her friend very much since then but knew that the girl was content. The girl remained silent. Her mind was raging with thoughts but she didn't speak them in front of her mother. She and the woman had a good relationship, but Hana had been more of a mother to Kira than anyone else, the nurse was who she confided in, was who saw her cry, was there at all the pivotal points of her life thus far.<p>

"You have a peculiar face, you know that?" Iwa mused. "Your grandmother had features like that too. Her husband said she had a funny face."  
>"I don't know how to reply to that."<p>

"I know you have struggled with your appearance, Kira. You are not traditionally beautiful, but you still are lovely."

"Mother, can we talk about my betrothal right now? I have long ago acknowledged myself and I am quite happy."

The woman sipped her tea. "Well, his name is Grimmjow. He is the Admiral's son."

Kira started.

"What?"

"He is away at a military barracks in the south, isn't he?"

"He was until last week."

Kira felt her throat close. She spoke out. "I don't know that I am ready for a commitment to any man. I still have so much to learn, so much to do. I want to grow up before I do a grown up thing, mother. How will I even know if I am ready or not when that time comes?"

Iwa put her tea cup down and pursed her lips. "Your father will know. That's what's important."

"I don't think I can accept that such a huge part of my future is not going to be decided by me."

"Your father loves you."

"He wanted a son."

"Even if he had a son you would take part in an arranged marriage."  
>Kira flattened her hands on the table. "Not one likened by some heads of state as treason. Mother, important, influential people will be threatened greatly by this."<br>The woman rose from her seat. "They're just jealous that their daughters won't marry such an eligible man."  
>"He shouldn't be eligible. Girls might swoon all over him but we've all heard the rumours. He's a brute."<p>

"Kira." Iwa's voice was hard. "This conversation ends here. You will meet Grimmjow, you will marry him and I will hear no more on the matter. You let the stories of your mind out of your head and it will destroy you, it will destroy your family."

The young woman looked at her clean hands before clenching them shut. "I don't want this." She said as her eyes came up to her mother's. "I don't want a life that is not my own."  
>"You do not get to pursue your own destiny." Iwa said sharply. "You only get to make the most of the one given to you."<br>"I cannot accept that."  
>"Then you will be miserable."<p>

"What if that isn't the only way, mother? What if…I don't know. What if it could work out?"

"When you meet someone, Kira, you are changed. You will be meeting your future husband shortly and you decide if the change is for the better."

"I know I must do this. Wasn't it hard for you?"

"No. I knew my duty and not the whimsical fancy of philosophers and novelists."

"Are you happy?"

"I have been."

Kira nodded. Iwa gathered herself and left the room to silence. There were a few murmured words outside the door and shortly after Hana to a very still young woman.

Kira's spine was ramrod straight but her neck hung gently. "Am I to end my childhood and move straight into adult life? All the moments I have lead, are they meaningless to this point?"  
>"No, Kira." The woman knelt down beside the girl. "They have made you who you are."<p>

"I struggle with the idea of this. An idea that will become real. I cannot stop it. I could run away but that wouldn't solve anything. This is the world I was placed in and right now it feels like I'm fighting for my life."

"You are."

The young woman tipped her tea-cup and watched the liquid inside swirl. "I always knew this would happen. But I am still studying."  
>"Your marriage is your graduation. It will be a great day. You will get a new life."<p>

"No," The Sato shook her head "I will always have the same life, it will just have a different perspective and new experiences…I just thought I could have a beautiful life. One where I get to choose. I've wanted a life that is not commanded by status and constitution."

"You are an exceptional person. You will lead an exceptional life. It was never going to be easy but you have always been able to adapt to it. You're the one living these moments. You can decide if you like it or not, if you're going to sulk or not."

The Sato smiled gently. "I think I'm rubbing off on you."  
>"Heaven forbid." The woman mused. "But look, Amaya is happy. Mai is married as well and though she will always be a viper, just like her father, and she will always want to taunt you, she is also happy. You have learned to fight and you have found weapons to use. You know how to get out of the way fast enough, how to get something done without a fuss. If you had been born a boy you would have been an assassin."<p>

Kira laughed dryly. "I had to learn. I was tired of being the girl who was sick as a baby. I'm tired of being the odd one out and ostracised because of it." She stilled. "I plan on evolving into a stronger person…and if evolution involves adapting to what I cannot foresee or control then so be it. If life is a war then I hope I can fight for peace."

Hana touched the girl's tea-cup. "Your meeting with Grimmjow is now. I must help you prepare. We must put your hair up." The nurse ran her fingers down Kira's hair. It was long like most girls' and would take a while to put in place.

"Will you be there?" Kira steadied herself. She was calming now, preparing to face her newest battle. It wasn't a girl-fight; it wasn't a self-perception or a difficult piece of music. It was the rest of her life.

"No, the boy has suggested that one of his chaperones be present. I will wait outside."

"Okay." Kira exhaled. "Shit."

Hana pinched her wrist hard. "Don't use such language."  
>"Ow!" The girl swatted her nurse away. "Sometimes there is one word to express it all."<p>

"Keep it to yourself then."

"It's happening so fast."

"Then think quickly."

Kira exhaled slowly. "I guess I've always had all the weapons I need. I just need to learn to fight now."

"You already know how." Hana stood. "Come. Let's get your ready."

The Admiral walked his son through a large courtyard and through to a tea-room with a view of the palace gardens. "You will be polite."

His son grunted in reply.

"None of your wildness, this union is very important."

"Father, shut up." Grimmjow replied flatly. "I don't give a shit about the politics."

"To be the best you must marry the best."

"I am the best. I don't need a little brat to make it so."

"You are not the best. You might be strong and stubborn and talented in sadomasochism, but you have not been a husband yet."

"And I hoped to never be. I could walk out on this entire thing right now just to piss you off."  
>"And then you lose everything. You will be stripped of your title and then it doesn't matter how powerful you are, you will be no one."<p>

The young man growled. He was tall and broad through the shoulders. He carried himself in an egotistically relaxed manner and never quite dressed himself fully. His hakama would always have a sword at its side and his shirt would never quite be pulled and fitted in the right places. He seemed to want to show every other man that he was strong and fit and would take them on at any given opportunity.

Grimmjow had a wicked smile and a iniquitous laugh. "If I needed someone to control me I would have stayed a simple soldier. Father, you need me."

"And you need this girl."

The man sighed and rolled his eyes. His hands went to his pockets and he slouched forward as he walked. "I don't need anyone."

"Her name is Kira Sato. She is well known. Her father told you about her when you met the other day."

"I know who she is."

"You haven't seen her since she was a child. She has become a beautiful young woman now."

"I'm sure." Came the mocking reply. "I can have beautiful young women whenever I want."

"Be sure not to say that around her."

"Why? Should I worry about the feelings of a political match?" He laughed.  
>The Admiral pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just…"<p>

"Just what?" Grimmjow laughed. "Father, I have already taken you. All that is left is for you to die so I can take your title and rule it as mine."

The other man stared at his son. "How did I raise such an incensed young man? How did twenty years of work become this? The army is supposed to make a man, not create a monster."  
>Grimmjow grinned. "But you made me, old man."<p>

There was a large room with a large table. An elegant tea-pot and smooth white cups. Two places set across the table from one another. An elderly woman seated in the very far corner; a chaperone maybe. An aunt. A misplaced relative. A wrinkled misfortune.

There was a young woman sitting tall at the table, her feet folded under her. She wore a sky blue kimono detailed with the patterns of clouds in silver thread and navy blue along all is edges. She had her hair up in a traditional style, a white bone comb the only ornament in it. From it hung small, pale white beads that moved as she did.

The sound of a door opening did not cause her to stir or look up. The sound of someone sitting opposite her made her bring her chin up so her face could be viewed by him.

He was tall, broad shouldered and he appeared to be completely apathetic to the situation.

"You know who I am, so I won't bother with that introduction. I know who you are, so please don't feel the need to tell me your full title." Grimmjow had a voice that as if it had run through a thin layer of sandpaper before it came out of his mouth.

"Hai. I do know your name and you know mine. We have known each others names since we were small, even though with did not know each other." Kira's tone was quiet, maybe timid. She was waiting. "Tea?"

"Hai."

She poured it as she had been raised to. "What is your favourite tea? I will need to know for future reference."

"I don't have a favourite."

She smiled as she passed the man his cup. Her voice became coy. "Then we will drink my favourite."

Grimmjow eyed her. It felt like he had entered a game of chess. "I don't know if it's a pro or a con that you are not like the other women."

Kira ran a finger around the rim of her cup. "I know you have met others to see if they ticked all your boxes. But I fear they tick too many, including that of fear. I hear one even ran away from you." She paused and became gentler. "I am not afraid of you. Please, don't give me cause to be."

"You are not superior to me. You are not above me in any way." He seemed to growl his words from his chest.

Kira was calm. "I am different to you, just as you are to me."

"And what do you know of me?" Despite the words, the conversation had no tension, no ill-ease. It was…seemingly normal. Natural.

"Nothing." Kira smiled quietly. "It is true that I don't know you. But I want to."

"You know who I am."

"I just said I didn't know a thing and yet you insist that I do?" She smiled. "I know of you, yes. You are in a high stress, high risk position that would cow any normal man. But you are not cowed. You are faced by many demons and you risk becoming one yourself."

He smiled widely. "You think I am a demon? I am greatly amused."He seemed quite relaxed for a moment, like he would be as if he had encountered a private joke.

Kira swallowed. "I was only told about you a few hours ago. I did not like the idea at first. Allow me to be honest with you about these feelings. All my life I had hoped to meet someone who had the stars as their hands and heart. However, that is pure fancy, if such a person were to exist, what would the point of starts, hands and hearts be? They would be one thing and not the same and we would have to join them with something else to make them any sort of beautiful."

Grimmjow folded his arms and peered at the girl. "You are not unhappy then?"

"No. I am not unhappy." She was silent for a long moment. "Are you?"

He rolled his neck. His tone had no emotion. "No."

"I never asked to meet anyone silent, brooding and apathetic; I have never asked to meet anyone because I fear I would be unhappy or ungrateful of that person. There is one thing I am very happy with though. You have a library that contains more than novels so I might not make the mistake of trying to create a person out of cosmos and basic anatomy?"

"Your father was right." He muttered. "You do think out loud. A lot."

The young woman folded her hands in her lap. "Think of it as music." Her voice laughed quietly.

He was silent.

Kira ducked her head briefly."Please may I ask you something?"

"Hai." He met her gaze.

She hesitated.

"Don't hesitate." Grimmjow hissed. "It's pathetic. If I want to break you I could do it in a second. If I want to take, I take. If I want you do die, you die."

"You are a selfish, arrogant man." Kira said smoothly. "And I want to be your friend. Could I be your friend?"

The man was quietly smug. He rose from his seat and set his cup down. He peered down at the young woman, his expression easy. "That's a stupid question because you know the answer."

The girl half smiled. "But you'll never say it."

The man rolled his shoulder easily and glanced back at her as he began to leave. "Don't ever expect me to."

The girl's gaze drifted to her hands as he walked away. She bit her lip and noticed her fingers tremble slightly. She breathed, closed her eyes for a moment, and then smiled. "Hai."

Kira left the room and felt herself able to breathe again. Hana was waiting for her.

"And?" The woman peered at the girl.  
>The young woman pressed her hands together. "I don't know." She sighed. "I can see why girls like the idea of him, but he isn't an idea. He truly is an egocentric bad-boy who wants to 'live young or die trying'. He's charming in the darkest way possible and I think he likes what he does."<br>"What do you mean 'likes what he does'?"

"He likes the idea of war and power and conquering forces that seem so much greater than he is. I think he wants peace but at the same time, if a power came up against him he'd like that too."

"Did he threaten you?"

Kira bit the inside of her lip for a moment before shaking her head. "No. No, I don't think he did."

"Ah, daughter." Kim Sato looked up from his work desk as his child crossed the room to him.

Kira knelt down across from her father and folded her hands in her lap. "Father, I know you want what is best for this family and I know you think that what is best for it is a son-in-law unlike any son…but aren't you afraid of the ramifications?"

"You do not want to marry Grimmjow?"

"I am not ready to get married. I'm seventeen and I want to do so much."

"You cant run away and join the circus, you know that. You're life is one of struggle and victory. You have got good at fighting for what you want without others knowing about it. You're getting quick at sneaking into and out of the libraries. You would have made a great son."

Kira closed her eyes briefly. "Father, I know what my life is. I am here and I cannot change it, even if I wanted to. I'm talking about the threats. When this goes public people will cry out treason. They will think our families are staging a coup d'état. This could do more harm than good."

Kim leant across the table and touched his daughters face. "You are not strong yet, but you will be. I have made my decision."

The young woman nodded. "Okay."

"You won't put up a fight?"  
>"Who said I wasn't doing that already?" Kira stood.<p>

Her father smiled.

Grimmjow slid the door to his family house shut. It groaned at the force. A servant scurried in, quickly gave him house shoes and vanished in a flash.

"And?" The Admiral stood in the shadows nearby. "You were gone an awfully long time."  
>"I went out." Grimmjow said roughly.<p>

"With the Sato girl and your chaperone?"

"The chaperone was asleep when I reached the girl and no, I didn't take her out afterwards."

"But it went well?"

"Does it matter?"

"I do want you to be happy."  
>Grimmjow laughed. "Fuck off, old man."<p>

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." He grinned. "She didn't run away, she didn't start to cry, she didn't forget what she was saying. As far as a life mate goes you've picked a very safe option."

"Besides the fact that she challenges basic thought and human instinct?"  
>"She's a brat but she is in no way better than me. She will learn her position, her number in line to power as it were, and she will have to deal with it."<p>

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then I still have the power of the marriage and she will…well" Grimmjow smiled wickedly "she won't matter anymore."

"People are not as disposable as you think."

"And you picked a tiger cub for a full blown monster."

"If you want to make that metaphor then a cub is surely inadequate."

"We'll see." Grimmjow walked past the man. "Don't bother me."

"You still haven't told me where you went afterwards. You had no other plans. Brothels, dens, geisha houses…where?"

"Like I said, fuck off, old man." The young man chuckled coarsely and vanished.

"You will respect someone eventually. You won't like it but there will be someone greater than you. There might even be a handful of them. You'll hate them all if you don't learn now."

The Admiral sighed. He knew it was useless. He had a rogue vagabond for a son, a man that took thrills from fights and knew his strength. He had never lost a fight despite the broken bones, the black eyes and the bleeding gums. He had made sure that he was better than the rest so that they would have no choice but to look up to him.

And he didn't even have to, his bloodline alone was unrivalled, except by the Emperor, and his training had been given by the best soldiers, horse riders, archers and duellists in the nation. He had survived real battles, learned lessons, fought and won. He had evolved into something beyond the Admiral's son. The rest, he just did it for the kicks.

Or so it seemed. Apparently, not everything is as it seems. But maybe not.

_I'm writing Kira a little different for a couple of reasons. 1) She doesnt have the experiences that made her Kira the Espada. 2) She's a human whose lived in a palace her whole life being fed grapes from a platter. She might be a stubborn ass and a bit of a stick in the mud but there's no way a woman in that place and time could kick anyones backside. Yet. Maybe.  
>Sort of the same for Grimmjow but I'm trying to keep him as is. He isnt my character I cant really play around with him. <em>

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><p><em>I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I hope to post every couple of days or so. Please let me know what you thought, constructive criticism welcome. <em>

_Blessings, _

_P._


	4. Chapter 2

_I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live. _

_(Jonathan Safran Foer)_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Kira sat on a stone bench in the gardens attached to the wing of the palace where her family resided. She was practicing her calligraphy on a wooden tablet covered in creamy paper, a poetry book sat nearby as she copied words from it.

Kira would have liked to write her own poems, her own little stories in calligraphy but they hardly seemed beautiful enough to make the effort. Not yet anyway. She was in an apprehensive mood and had asked to be left alone for a majority of the day. Hana passed by occasionally as she ran errands for the young woman; cloth was bought for a new kimono, a new tea-set for married life and invitations to Grimmjow's family sent to celebrate the engagement at the Sato house the following evening.

The young woman had felt briefly that she was unable to pen her own life. She had always thought one could shape their own destiny, but now that seemed like an oblique perspective. No, one could shape how they handled their life. One could not predict the motives or decisions of others nor the impact that such things had on their lives, they could just deal with them in such a way as to shape their own motives and decisions.

Kira sighed and put her brush down. She twisted her loose hair over her shoulder and glanced around the garden.

The embodied sleeves, the silk slippers, the ivory, gold, silver and pearl hairclips, it was a dream to be surrounded by such luxury. To have un-worked, pale hands with ovular fingernails that hadn't ever been chipped.

"Kira, you look upset." A familiar voice filled the air nearby. "Don't worry, I'm not watching you, I was just heading back to the house."

The young woman looked at her nurse. "Did you know that I've only ever fallen out of a tree once?" She laughed. "And that was when the circus came to town and I got inspired."

Hana laughed. "I remember. I also remember countless grazed knees, bruises and cuts. You were an adventurous child. I couldn't let you out of my sight for a moment or you'd be off doing something you shouldn't."

Kira folded her hands. "You know I consider you my mother? Emotionally, that is. My biological mother never really looked after me. She loves me, she wants what's best for me, but she doesn't listen or sit with me when I cant sleep or wipe my tears. So, thank you, Hana."

"You're welcome." The woman smiled. She wasn't old but she had aged. She had worked the fields as a child and her hands had become tanned and calloused. Her skin started to wear from the stress of a poor life and even when she was hired as Kira's nurse the trials of trying to keep up with such a family were hazardous. There were parties and dresses and early mornings preparing baths. There was food to be made, classes to get to, make-up to apply, hair to be done…it all seemed like such a beautiful lifestyle for those who lived it but to them it was natural. It was part of the daily routine.

But Hana was happy to do it. She had never married, Kira was her child. She had known the girl since she was a small toddler.

"Are you worried about the dinner tomorrow?"

The young woman nodded. "I…just. I just want to fall in love. This is all so fast and he's…" She lifted a hand and tried to express herself but could only come up with one word "Grimmjow."

Hana sat down beside the girl. "I know. If you fall in love, you really will like it. It will suit you greatly."

Kira twisted. "You've been in love? When?"

"Oh, you were about eight when it happened. He was a travelling merchant, not like those in your line who sat by the Emperor and fed silk through his hands. No, he was handsome and charming and he loved me back."

"What happened?"

"Well, his wife and kids."

The Sato quieted. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Her brow furrowed "If I had known…"

"Its okay, Kira. It was wonderful while it lasted, but it hurts too. You have to know that. Love is what is left over when the passion and the beauty and the excitement wear away. Its all that's left which makes it all the more painful when its taken away." The woman looked at her lap quietly.

"What happened?" Kira's face was open and honest.

"He told me he was sorry. He told me it was possible to have more than one love in one lifetime, but that he had already made a commitment."

"That's horrible."

"I hated him soon after. Love turned to hate and that was that."

"I'm sorry, Hana. I'll find a man for you, I promise. I'll play matchmaker."

"Oh," the woman laughed "Don't you dare. My heart is all spent up loving you."

Kira smiled as she leant in and kissed her forehead.

"Now, you need to get the ink off your fingers and your hair washed."

The young woman followed her nurse back into the house. She felt calmed a bit, but more by the presence of an understanding shoulder. Kira had already gathered that an emotion as strong as love had to have a counterpart, and even if love was still there it would hurt. You could love someone so much it hurt to be away from them, it didn't have to be a negative thing.

But pain is pain and life is life.

C'est la vie, apparently.

Later that day, sometime in the early evening, Kira was walking back from Amaya's after returning a hair-pin she had leant her friend. The Sato could have had any ornament she wanted but she sometimes decided that she would rather borrow and return than buy and keep. She had too many pretty things laying around gathering dust. It saddened her.

The young woman's hair was damp and had been brushed straight down her back and off her face. Hana walked next to the girl with her hands tucked into the sleeves of her kimono.

Kira stopped and frowned briefly in mid-step.

"What is it?" Hana asked. "Did you forget something?"  
>"Shh." The young woman raised a hand lightly. "Do you hear that?"<p>

A deep thud reverberated down a nearby corridor. It led out to the courtyard at the palace entrance. There was a groan and a few curses.

Kira peered down the way before taking a soft step towards it.

"What are you doing?" Hana held her elbow.

"I want to see." The young woman said. "The guard must be training."

"It doesn't sound like guard training, Kira."

The girl peeled her nurse's hand off her and walked through the closed space. It was growing dark quickly and the lamps had been lit. Kira could see a figure at the end of the passage. Her curiosity got the better of her and she sped up a bit.

Suddenly, the figure was gone and everything fell dead silent.

The Sato stopped before moving forward again. She moved toe heel and peered ahead like a mouse sticking its head out its hole. The quiet remained and a thrill ran up her spine. Hana was a few steps behind, occasionally hissing at the young woman to stop.

Kira reached the end of the passage and looked out. There was nothing. The courtyard was empty. The young woman frowned again and stepped out into the open.

There was a quick sound and a vicious blur of movement as a figure came out of the dark. Kira felt her wrist grasped painfully tight and her back forced against the wall just inside the passage. Hana cried out.

Kira glanced at her friend. "Shh." She said harshly.

"You." A grim voice ran through the young woman. "What are you doing here?"

Kira exhaled slowly and pressed her free hand to the back of her skull. She brought it into her line of sight and saw it was clean. "You nearly cracked my head open."

The young woman briefly repeated the action and looked around. "What are you doing here? I heard fighting."  
>"So your natural instinct was to move towards it?" Grimmjow said apathetically.<p>

"I just wanted to see." Kira tried to pull her wrist down and free. She was suddenly very interested as to why her future husband had to conduct activities in the shadows. "Answer my question."

The man laughed and dropped her hand. "None of your damn business."  
>Grimmjow put his hands in his pockets and sneered at the woman. She was still pressed against the wall and he was at a proximity that would terrify most people. Kira was intimidated.<p>

The young woman looked at the man. His shirt had come loose and was beginning to fall open but his hair seemed to be just as unkempt as it had been before and his casual demeanour very much intact. "Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?"

"Csh. Bastard ran off."

"What did he want?"

"I had a debt to settle." Grimmjow leered.

"You owe people money?"

"You ask a hell of a lot of questions, Brat. But no, he owes me a lot of money."

Hana was watching like a scared rabbit, debating on whether or not to do something. Kira began to move away from the wall.

Grimmjow stepped closer suddenly and forced her back against it. "Why were you here? Are you spying on me?"

The young woman lifted her chin. "No. I just wanted to see." She paused. "Should I spy on you?"

"If you do I will rip your little agent to shreds and then come after you."

"So…yes?" Her heart was beating through her chest. The man was huge and aggressive and probably could kill her in a moment.

Grimmjow laughed and stepped away. "You're going to die very young if you follow every whim of curiosity."

Kira rubbed the back of her head. She looked at the ground for a long moment.

The man scoffed and rolled his neck. He extended his hand and placed it on the girl's head before moving her away with the same grip.

Kira stumbled toward Hana and turned around just in time to see the figure of her finance retreating into the courtyard, hands in pockets and posture characteristically slouched. She scowled as she flattened her hair and turned to her nurse.

"Are you okay?"

"You're right" she replied "he is a brute. Not that you behaved like a lady, but he's a brute."

Kira smiled. "Let's go. It's getting dark."

"But seriously, if you hadn't been so curious or stubborn you wouldn't have scared ten years out of my life."

"I'm sorry, Hana." The young woman guided her nurse out of the corridor. "He wouldn't do anything to me."

"He threatens you."  
>"Well, you'll always be there to protect me, wont you?" Kira put on a brave face and smiled. Her heart was still pounding.<p>

Hana petted her friend's shoulder. "If you take another risk I'll have to tell your father."  
>"What?"<br>"You scared me back there. You're going to get hurt by your own character."

"Then I get hurt. That is a mistake I must make, not one my father should."

"Should every young man make the mistake of fighting with a real blade when he isn't ready?"  
>"No, but that's different."<p>

"How?"  
>"That's something you're taught. I need to teach myself."<p>

"Not everything, Kira. You need to discover things for yourself, yes, but you need to let others help you, others who have made mistakes they don't want you to make."

Kira was silent.

"I'm not trying to upset you" Hana said softly "I just hate to see you sad."

"Then give me the chance to be happy." The young woman said earnestly. "Let this life be mine. My father and mother have already organised so much of it, society dictated the rest. The small pieces I have, even if they blur some lines, let me own them. It is all a woman like me has. We are all restricted by our abilities and attributes, by our blessings. Let me push at the restriction because I'll never have a second chance and I'll always wonder what life would be like if I didn't."

Hana sighed. "You know where I stand on this. You must get home now; you need to sleep tonight so you are rested for tomorrow."

Kira lay in bed that night and stared at the ceiling. She wasn't thinking about anything, she was just restless. She felt like she was in a big, beautiful cage, a gorgeous place with beautiful walls. She felt like she was pacing back and forth looking at the snapshots she had seen of the world beyond. Even though they weren't luxurious, they weren't easy but they seemed to everlasting. So lovely.

The young woman rolled over and faced the wall.

Morning came fresh and clear. An Autumn wedding was in the books and the season was kicking in slowly. Kira woke up, got up and walked over to her window. The woman stretched her arms above her head, lifting onto her toes as she did so. Her back arched sideways before a sigh and a flat footed stability.

Kira crossed her arms against the morning coolness and pulled her robe closer. It was time to swap the light fabrics for heavier ones. The pretty embroideries for decadent stitching.

The door slid open and Iwa entered carefully with a tray of tea.

"Good morning, mother." Kira's expression was confused for a moment. "Where is Hana?"

"Your nurse is helping prepare for tonight. My mother brought me tea the morning of my engagement dinner, so I will do the same for you. If you have a daughter you will carry on the tradition."

"Ah, but I will have many sons." Kira said with a light tone of sarcasm. "I will have boys all over the house and only Hana to keep me beautiful."

"Don't be silly" The woman said as she knelt down at the low table at the end of the room "You'll always be beautiful and you won't always have Hana."

Kira's room was large enough to afford a futon, a small writing desk and a table to sit at. She crossed it and lowered herself across from her mother. "What do you mean I wont always have Hana?"

"You're getting too old to have a nurse."

"Then she shall be my personal escort." Kira poured tea for herself and her mother.

Iwa took her cup and warmed her hands around it. "You're a young woman now; you need to start growing up properly."

"Properly?"

"Without the fairytale books and the sneaking away to listen to the boy's history lessons."

"Do you see any books?" Kira waved her hand over her room. "I am quite grounded."

"Yes, apparently." Iwa put her cup down. "I know you have your head in the clouds. Maybe it happened when the Shinigami brought your sight back. They gave us a healthy child but took away a dutiful one."

"You don't sound like you're chastising me."

"No, I am very blessed to have you. I love you, Kira. You have always been….Kira." She pursed her lips and looked for words. "But when you marry Grimmjow you will have to be Kira the hostess, Kira the wife, Kira the Admiral's wife. Do you understand?"

"I will always be who I am. I do not see how going about life makes it any different."

"Life is a stranger who won't go away."

The young Sato blinked. "Are you unhappy?"

"No, no, Kira. I am happy. But you need to know that you will never know life, you'll just have to live with it."

"You're being philosophical right now, you know that?"

Iwa smiled. "Maybe. I just want you happy."

"I will be."  
>"And I want Grimmjow to be happy. You have to keep him happy. Don't talk his ear off when he gets home, don't slouch, don't use low speech…"<p>

"Mother, I know. I've met him, mother and I'm sure I'll be able to keep him happy. He isn't complicated, even though he is rough."

"You shouldn't speak of your husband this way."

Kira smiled softly. "I'm sure he'd take it as a compliment."

Iwa shook her head vaguely. "Alright, child. Alright. He will arrive at the house this afternoon so I need you ready to present then."

"Yes, mother." Kira put her tea down.

"And acknowledge his parents respectfully."

"Yes, mother."

"And hold your tongue."

Kira pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. "Yes, mother. You worry too much."

Iwa stood and smiled at her daughter. "You have done well to get this match."

The young woman nodded.

"You need to get dressed now. I will call Hana so she can help you bathe and prepare."

Kira stood and followed her mother to the door. Once it was shut she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. The face she pulled was one of frustrated relief, not because her mother was gone but because she could be alone for a little longer. She was a solitary creature and though she enjoyed company there were times she needed to be on her own. She wanted to be loved, but she needed the space to love herself. Everyone does. And at that moment she felt like the whole world was trying to tell her what to do and who to be.

It would only get worse as the day progressed.

She felt exposed as she bathed. So many people were in the room trying to ensure she was perfect, some with rose petals, others with different sponges and fragrances, some with oils and others with soaps. They didn't put things down and go away, they stood there like statues holding their tasks as offerings. Kira could wash herself but suddenly everyone thought her incapable. There was even someone washing her hair, pulling her chin up when she wanted to hide under the water.  
>Hana watched the young woman's awkwardness. Puberty had been hard enough and she was barely beyond that phase. The young woman was slender and long limbed like her peers and the willows on the lake. Her hair had been washed the night before so it would be dry that day but everything else was scoured. Fingernails to toe-nails. Buffering, exfoliating, moisturising, scenting…if this was just the engagement day then the wedding day would be an absolute nightmare.<p>

Kira was raw red and pruney by the time it was done and remained in the bath until only Hana remained in the room. The young woman covered her face with her hands and laughed. It was all she could do. She could have got angry or timid but instead she laughed. The vulnerability of being exposed slipped away with the water.

"Feel clean?" Hana said as she held out a towel.

"Oh, shut up." Kira smiled.

Her nurse laughed.

Next came a light meal followed by an intense hair-session. It was pulled and scraped and then let drop before being whisked up and secured back. Kira waited for Hana to leave before she stuck her finger into the 'do and pulled a couple of pieces loose to relieve the pressure on her scalp. She was sure she had flinched the whole way through.

The whole ordeal just so some important people could have dinner.

The young woman rolled her eyes before Hana came back into the room, scolded her for pulling her hair out and started again despite the complaints of pain and discomfort.

"You should feel relaxed and beautiful. That is what this is for. You will have the same done on your wedding; both days are just as important." Hana said as she tried to give Kira an appropriate hairstyle that she also liked.

"I feel abused." The girl said as she lifted her hand to hold a piece of hair that Hana couldn't deal with at that moment.

"Well, you look lovely."  
>"why didn't this happen when I met Grimmjow?"<p>

"He isn't the Admiral yet."

"Is my mother doing the same thing?"

"No. You only have to go through this twice. Engagement and wedding."

"I better get a massage."

"You'll get a massage. Give me that piece of hair."  
>"Promise?"<p>

"Yeah, yeah."  
>"Today?"<br>"Don't get cheeky."

Kira pulled a face at her nurse in the mirror. She was not only marrying a man but his family. And this family needed impressing. They needed wooing even though the deal was set. They needed to be more impressed than the groom. That realisation was taking a while to set in.

Soon a tailor coming around to ensure that the kimono selected for that evening fit right. It meant that Kira had to put it on and stop breathing properly until late that evening. But it was a beautiful dress. A deep navy with light blue trimmings and images of sparrows flying across the sleeves, gold stitching embedded itself around all the designs and hems.

"Feel like it was worth it now?"

"I look like me in an elaborate kimono." Kira mused in front of the mirror.

Hana put her hands on the girl's shoulders. "Well, I'm proud of you. It is a true test of patience and endurance to get through today."

"You would think so many beautiful things would be a beautiful experience."

The older woman rolled her eyes. "Beauty is pain, remember?"

"Grimmjow has seen me normally. How is this any different?"

"He'll see you as you are to his parents. It will help concrete the reasons for marriage."

"Right." Kira smoothed the kimono. "What now?"

"Make-up."  
>Make-up for a Japanese woman in that century meant thick white paste, red paint, black paint and pink powder. It was hard to put on and it was even harder to get off. Kira dropped her chin to her chest and sighed. Fun as it could have been, it was scary. It made a reality out of the 'beautiful cage' theory and the pain of knowing something was beyond.<p>

Grimmjow arrived at the house late, moments before his parents. He was quickly told where his bride-to-be was so that they could make an entrance as a couple. The man dismissed the servant and leant against a wall in the sitting room.

Kira peered into the room. Her parents were waiting in the foyer. She hissed. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Why the hell not?"

"There's a protocol."  
>"And you're so good at keeping protocol?"<p>

Kira opened the door to the room and stepped inside. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know you look ridiculous."

She thinned her eyes briefly and exhaled. "I know." She went to put a hand over her face and then realised it would get make-up all over it. "Oh, I know."

Grimmjow laughed lowly. It was a deep rumble.

"Don't laugh." Kira crossed her arms. "Its been a long day."  
>"Getting pampered like a lap-dog?"<br>"Did you just call me a bitch?"

"You're very outspoken." He seemed amused that she was wound up. "Very honest."

"Its part of the music."  
>"If you're like this in front of my parents there will be trouble."<p>

"It will save us a bunch of trouble." Kira met his eye. "If it's any consolation, I'm sorry you got stuck with me."

"It's not a consolation." Grimmjow stood straight. "Just don't be yourself."  
>The young woman nearly smiled. "Don't be an ass."<p>

"You can't talk to me like that." He rumbled.

Kira folded her hands in front of herself and was silent.

"You're afraid?" Grimmjow laughed. "Good, be afraid."

The Sato looked around. It was just them. She stepped towards the man and took a deep breath. "I will not be one of your things."

"Excuse me?" He crossed his arms and leant back, amused.

"I am who I am and I have worked hard."  
>"You're a woman, what could you possibly have worked for?" He raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms.<p>

Kira started to speak but quickly glanced around instead. She dropped her tone and stepped briefly closer. "I have worked to be me. To be happy."

"You're pathetic." Grimmjow huffed and began to turn away.

"I think I need to rephrase what I said before. Its not that I will not, but I cannot be one of your things." Kira touched his arm gently. "Please, you could destroy me in a moment and I know that. I've known that since I met you. Please tell me you won't do that. Please tell me you wont put me on a shelf and leave me either."  
>"Oh? Why wouldn't I?"<p>

The young woman dropped her eyes from his. "I don't know."

Grimmjow pinched the skin above her wrist and lifted her hand off him. "Easy, Brat. You're headed the right way to be ruined."

"And if I don't head this way I'll do it to myself." Kira winced at the grip he had on her skin. "Its hard to say, but I have to be honest with you."

The man dropped her wrist carelessly. "You're 'music' sucks." He said apathetically.

The young woman watched as he walked out of the room.

"Wait." She knew saying anything else would only further annoy him, and she could tell he wasn't used to her behaviour. "I just want more thank this. I don't want to burden you."

Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder and grunted.

"You have lived a very good life. You have learned and lived and travelled. You do what you want, when you want. I have never felt what it is like to be so alive and I can't be happy if you aren't."

His eye met hers before he closed the door between them.

Kira exhaled, put a hand on her forehead and then let out an agitated sound as a thin layer of white paste made an exit from her face to her palm.

At dinner Kira sat beside Grimmjow. His parents sat opposite hers and the to-be couple faced out an open door onto the gardens beyond. They had decided on a low-key affair due to the controversy surrounding the match.

Traditional gifts were passed back and forth, an obi for the bride-to-be and a hakama for the future groom. The art of conversation was practiced by everyone at the table except Grimmjow who managed to swear outright at regular intervals.

Kira never looked quite as shocked as the man's parents or her own. She just dealt with it. The man was a vicious, military trained, educated, brute. He had an ego, he was arrogant and he was selfish.

What a match. The son of a bitch and the outspoken brat. But neither really seemed to mind the other. Their interactions seemed to flow progressively and naturally. He did find her a pain in the ass and she never really seemed to want to change herself for his comfort, even though it could rightly get her killed.

Two solitary creatures dwelling on two paths parallel to each other. Both bound for the same goal; a life led as they would lead it.

There was dinner, dessert and tea and then long conversations in the sitting room. Kira was exhausted and relieved when the Admiral and his wife left. She said goodbye just as she had said hello with an elegant kowtow and rose easily to her feet. The whole build up, the whole effort so she could pretend to be a quiet, obedient person.

Her husband to be seemed a bit intrigued ad her willingness to please, or maybe her willingness to get out of her current life and into one where someone knew her from the get go. Maybe that had been her plan all along. It pissed him off greatly.

Grimmjow was still talking to the girl's father.

Iwa took her daughter's side. "You did well, Kira. I am proud."

"Thank you, mother."

"You are tired."

"Worn out by the façade."

"Don't slip now. Grimmjow is still here."

"I think he knows who I am."

Iwa glanced at her daughter. "Well, be thankful he hasn't broken it off."

Kira nodded. "He could if he wanted to. He would defy his father if he thought it would make him laugh hard enough. No one makes him do what he otherwise wouldn't. He knows he needs to marry to achieve the power that will make him successful and happy."

"Then help him be successful and happy."

The young woman dropped her chin slightly. "I hope he can do the same for me."

"Shh." Her mother said. Iwa kissed her daughter on the side of the head and retreated into the house.

Kira said goodnight to her father, bowed lightly to Grimmjow as a courtesy and disappeared. Hana was there in the bathroom waiting. The young woman cried from the stress and the pressure. She had just spent the whole day preparing to be someone else so that she could do it again and again and again.

"Shhhhh, Kira. You're just very tired."

The young woman shook her head. "I know he'll tolerate who I am. He doesn't have a choice. I can't do this all the time."

"Oh, sweetie." Hana undid the clip holding the woman's hair up. "You and he seem like a good pair. A fine set of mates."

"Mates see each other for a brief time once a year."

"Isn't that what you want?"

Kira shook her head again. "I just want to be me."

"You need to go to bed. You're overreacting to nothing."

The girl nodded. "I know. I know."

"You're so delicate beneath all those built up defences."

"I wish I wasn't."

"I'd be worried if you weren't. You're only human. You're just a soul in a shell. We all are."

"Grimmjow must be mostly shell."

Hana laughed at the sniffled reply.

"There you are." She said. "There's Kira."

The young woman laughed very lightly. "I do want this. I like the idea of new starts, of being the mistress of a house, running certain things my way. Decorating and all the rest. Buying books for my 'husbands' library."

"It'll be nice. You'll do just fine."

"I know." Kira sighed and sponged her face. The white mask came away and left milky traces in the bowl of water in front of her. "But only if I can be Kira. Just Kira."

"No one should expect anything else."

But everyone knew that everyone did.

* * *

><p><em>In the coming days I am very busy but I hope to get the next chapter out as soon as possible.<br>Hope you enjoyed this one! Let me know what you thought, constructive criticism is, as always, welcome. I really appreciate all your input and I really hope that through it I can improve my writing. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _

_P.S) I have a tumblr where you can ask questions and see things that inspire me. Often it's the movement of a picture, the expression on a face, the posture or feel…I love using pictures. There are also quotes, occasionally a song. Just to go .com and you'll be there. _


	5. Chapter 3

_This was the machinery of life, not a clean, clinical well-oiled engine, monitored by a thousand meticulous dials, but a crazy, stumbling contraption made up of strange things roughly fitted together. _

_(Margaret Mahy, Memory)_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

That night it was dark and loud. Water thudded into the roof, onto the world outside and through Kira's mind. She had been stewing in her own spaces, the places untouched by none except her. They were her own treasures, the corners of her mind, they could be a blessing and then, in the blink of an eye, they could turn and devour her.

Not being able to put your personal touch on your own life is the equivalent of having it stolen from you. Kira had wedding plans passed in front of her but she never really got to say whether she liked them or not. It was going to be a traditional day with traditional dress followed by a celebration and banquet. It was all very elaborate; the mothers of the couple were always hurrying around with an escort as they tried to agree to disagree.

Kira sat in on meetings with merchants and cooks but she never said anything. In the weeks leading up to the wedding, the Sato became very withdrawn. She would sit up at night staring out at the sky. She had been tight in the throat for days, her chest felt constricted and her mind walled up. A week after the engagement party she had been told by her friends that married life is just as safe and comfortable as family life.

The sameness frightened her. Kira hadn't seen Grimmjow since then, he had gone away back to the military where he could lead and be followed without question. Where he was respected and content, where war was expected and peace was a time for preparation.

Hana had been watching for a while. She knew what was happening and she didn't intervene. It wasn't time yet. Kira was like a daughter to her, and a best friend, and she could see that the Sato was not ready to come into her own yet. But soon. Soon it would happen.

The young Sato heard from the Admiral that her husband-to-be would be away a lot. At first this had filled her with hope, but then a sudden pang of loneliness struck her. Kira knew that she would be moving away, she knew Hana would come, but she had always seen Grimmjow there to. In a way he had been this portal of something new. The new life would be more than classes and women being obedient and unquestioning.

Kira had so many questions. More and more every day. What would it be like? Would it be the same? Would he be cruel or kind? Would she be happy?

All the uncertainty was overwhelming. All her life she had been certain of a few things. She had always known where she was going to step. Even the void of knowledge had a clear path, that was a growth from one level to another. This marriage was completely different. It was the same and something else.

And Kira being Kira over thought it to the point where it became self-destructive. She was so afraid of a walled life that even the slightest possibility silenced her. She was not the kind to cry out when in pain or trouble, she just went quiet. There was silence. No chattering, no overflow of thought. She was bubbling with all of that inside and in a negative way.

Kira knew that her life would be lovely and full of beautiful things. She would have control of a household, she would be able to purchase things from far away places. But even then, all the Sato could see was another pretty cage and she growled and paced back and forth at the thought.

In a sense she had become acutely self-aware and as a consequence had become overly sensitive to her own thought. She couldn't control it yet, she didn't know how. And it was a downward spiral.

Something in her broke free. The rain was pouring down. It was thick and heavy and it drenched through everything. Kira slid the door to her family garden open and stumbled out of the house in her hurry. Her bare feet slapped against the stone path and her loose hair stuck to her face. It was cold, the Autumn rain was chilled and fresh.

The young woman ran over a small bridge to an open space on the other side. She spread her arms out and leant her face back up the sky. There was a long moment of complete nothing before Kira brought her hands to her torso and dropped to her knees. The grass squelched under her and she hung her head and cried.

By the time Hana found her Kira was still knelt down but her face was turned back up. She had her eyes closed and her mouth parted slightly.

"What are you doing!" The nurse ran out into the weather. "Kira!"

The young woman opened her eyes and looked at the nurse coming to her out of the dark.

"Kira! You're going to catch a chill." Hana reached the young woman and saw a desperation in her face that she had never seen. "What are you doing? What's wrong?"

Kira turned her face back to the sky. "Do you know the story of the frog in the well?"

"Of course, I told you that story when you were much younger." Hana knelt down in front of the girl.

"I'm the frog." Kira swallowed. "I am the frog in the well. I am sitting in a house that is beautiful and that provides everything I need, if I am hungry then I eat, if I am thirsty there is drink, if I am tired I sleep. Yet, unlike the frog, my soul is uneasy. I look up and I see the stars at night and the clouds during the day and they are beautiful. Yet, unlike the frog, I know that there is so much more. I know that this view is not a whole picture. All I can see is a little bit of a huge world and even then I can't reach it."

Kira wiped the water off her face as she faced Hana.

"I can't live like this anymore. I, we were all meant to live for so much more. There has to be more. There's got to be more."

Hana put a hand on Kira's. "There is pain and war and hunger, there is poverty and disease…"

The young woman smiled. "But there is hope; there are places to go and things to see. There are lovely people and loyal friends. There are high mountains and beautiful views from the top. There's laughing and life. This thing I've been doing…I've been trying to live. I've had pieces of it and I cant go on knowing that there is more if I can never have it."

"Why wouldn't you have it?"

"I don't know." Kira swallowed.

"Isn't that what you always wanted? An adventure?"

"This isn't an adventure. I want to choose whether or not I am thrown into something."

"You can't choose whether or not it happens, only what you'll do when it does."

"I…I have to know if it's going to be more of the same. I look at my future and I've already lived it; the parties, the rules, the gowns, the quiet women without thoughts and the freedom beyond these walls that I cant get to."

"What is so wrong with this life?"

"Nothing. It's a good life…" Kira hesitated at her confession "but it's not my life."

"Then make a life of your own out of this opportunity."

"What opportunity? I had no choi-."

"Kira." Hana waited for the young woman to look up before she slapped her. "Get a hold of yourself. You're overreacting and creating problems where there are none. You used to be able to see life so clearly and now you've build yourself a cage."

The Sato held a hand to her face and remained silent.

"How dare you take any of this for granted! So many other people want this life! So many other people die dreaming of this! You have the money and power to imagine a world that is the best of this life and some other, but few are so fortunate."

"Hana…" Kira blinked.

"Grimmjow is hard and stubborn and egotistical. He's a sadomasochist and he's very powerful. He is unlike any other man you could have been engaged to. Why can't you see it as a life unlike any other that you could have had?"

Kira swallowed. "I didn't…I couldn't…"

Hana grabbed the young woman's hand. "You couldn't see it until it was shown to you. You're an adult now, Kira. Open your eyes and see the world from beyond the pages of a book."

"I've been trying to."

"You cant do it here. This place doesn't allow for people like you, for women with free spirits and stubborn hearts."

Kira wiped away at her face at the tears that had mixed with rain. "I am so sorry for being such a brat."

"I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner."

"I always knew I couldn't learn to live alone, not in this life. Maybe in the future…no, even then everyone starts with a pack. Souls need company, they need vulnerability to admit their weaknesses and take them on."

Hana smiled.

"My battle is to know that there is more to living than being alive, and then doing it."

"You know your parents would never approve."

"You've turned into the nurse again. Come back."

"You want me to slap you again?"

Kira half laughed. "Please don't." Pause. "But I needed that. Thank you."

Hana pushed a hair off the girl's face. "There you are. You went away for a bit there."

"That's exactly why we can't always be alone. Even solitary creatures find others of their kind from time to time."

Something in Kira broke free that night. Something happened. She had evolved into something that was more capable, that was better at surviving and fighting. Kira knew she was stronger, but was by no means the strongest. She could face her own battles now, and that is what mattered.

Hana made sure Kira was expressing herself a bit more after that. Yes it was frowned upon but women had thoughts and motivations just as men did; and they weren't only about love and family.

The Sato had always spoken about what she thought about things, but now she did it at arms length. Not because she was afraid of it, but so that she could look at it better before drawing nearer. Kira had always taken things to heart and now she did so a bit more cautiously. Having a personal break-down makes you very aware at how much you need to protect yourself from your own mind.

When word came that Grimmjow was back in the city the first thing Kira did was consider where he was coming from. He had been away on military business and had no doubt obtained a few bruises, made a few bets and drunk a lot of sake.

So, she brought him a basket of autumn fruit and, for good measure, a bottle of warm sake to welcome him back.

"What's this?" The man grumbled when he saw the young woman sitting in his private suit. Grimmjow had long since moved away from his parents and had an apartment in the city and a house near his main posting.

"I came to welcome you back." Kira poured the sake and offered it up to him. "It's warm."

"Huh." The man took the cup from her and swallowed its contents in a single motion.

The young woman blinked at the action. It wasn't like he was showing off or pretending to be tough, he literally was a bad-ass.

"Why are you here?" Grimmjow dropped the cup on the low table. It clattered away and rolled to the floor. "I don't like it when people invade my space. You don't get any warnings."

"Then why haven't you acted?"

The man stared the girl in the eye. He was taller than her anyway, but when he was standing and she was sitting it was like watching an anthill try to take on a mountain.

Grimmjow thinned his eyes. "Answer my question."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Not with another question." He sounded bemused. "I don't ask twice." He was commanding now.

"I don't suffer orders. You might be stronger, more powerful and more influential than me, and you're also a man, but I am Kira."

"Hear me roar, right?" Grimmjow laughed. "You're pathetic, Brat."

"I came because…" the Sato let her stubbornness slip a bit. "I came because I wanted to get to know you, to welcome you home. You were away for a while."

"Get used to it."

"Can I come with?"

"No."

"You could teach me to ride a horse and show me what you do. I'm interested."

"Of course you are." He replied sarcastically.

Kira inhaled steadily. "Have you ever killed someone?"

Grimmjow smiled at this. "Many times."

"Were they bad people?"

"They made bad decisions."

"So stupid people?"

Grimmjow laughed very lowly. "I am the best there is, if you come against me you will lose. If you claim to be the best I will find you and I will take you down."

"A noble pursuit...if somewhat sadistic."

Grimmjow grumbled lowly and knelt down to pick his cup up off the floor. He came down right beside Kira and stared her in the face. He was so close she could feel him breathing. It was hot and strong and steady. She stared up at him and didn't reach out, didn't move to touch him, didn't back away even though her heart had leapt into her throat. He could, and would, reach out and break her neck if he thought her stubbornness was an attempt to challenge him.

Kira blinked and glanced away. Grimmjow's face sat in apathy as he poured himself another cup of sake and stood.

"Tell me why you're really here before I throw you out."

The young woman acknowledged that he was actually rather intelligent and decided that he could know about her vulnerability of late. He could manipulate it, twist it, publicise it; but telling him was important. That was why she had come. It was important to tell him, but more so, it was important to her. When the heart and the head clash then it hurts, but when they come out of it they know how to work with each other a bit more. They've adapted, become stronger, found a way.

The Sato steadied herself. "While you were gone and the wedding was being planned…I had trouble handing it all. I wanted change but I didn't want a change towards something I didn't want, I don't want to be forced down a path I would never even consider. I got myself very anxious and upset over the fact that I thought you would rob me of everything I have worked for." Kira quickly raised her hand to stop any rebuttal. "And before you make some smart-arsed comment, I have worked to have more in this life than what I have been given, and I have been given a hell of a lot. I want what has been taken from me; I want to be free to be myself. Its not pathetic, its not sappy, and its not selfish. Its human."

Grimmjow smiled wickedly as he walked around the room. "Do you want me to kill you?" He paused for a deadly moment. "Do you want me to annul this? Is that what you're trying to do?"

Kira folded her hands and swallowed. "No. I just don't want you coming into my life and expecting me to be like every other delicate wall flower. I want you to know that I am not able to do everything and I do break, but only if I have to in order to become something greater."

The man stood behind her and watched the back of the young woman's head. He laughed lowly. "Bring it on, Brat."

Kira smiled.

Grimmjow paced around back in front and looked at her. "Are you going to drink that or are you just going to stare at it?" He nodded at the cup in front of her.

"Oh, well, I've never really had more than a tiny bit before." The young woman blinked.

"Just throw it back."

"Sake?"

"Why the hell not?"

Kira hesitated.

"Come on."

"So you'll let me stay if I drink or if I bring drink?"

"No. You got lucky this time. Drink it."

"I don't really drink. I don't want to be drunk."

"You wont get drunk." The man scoffed. "If I wanted you drunk I would have forced the whole bottle down your throat."

Kira smiled and picked her cup up. "How?"

"Throw it back."

"Just…all at once?"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes.

"Okay." Kira shuffled a bit. She closed her eyes and did a cup of Sake like a shot. It was warm and instantly swam into her head, spinning it. It tasted bitter on her tongue thanks to the manner of ingestion and she coughed at the abruptness.

"Shit." She wheezed. Kira stopped suddenly. "I just said shit." She paused. "Twice. Wow. That was gross. I don't know what I wanted to do that."

Grimmjow laughed. "You're such a joke."

The whole process from start to finish had had its highs and its lows but had felt natural. It wasn't smooth or easy or gentle, it was just innate. Kira felt like she could settle in the uncertainty and brutal mannerisms Grimmjow possessed. She did feel afraid, but she wasn't cowed. She was very glad she had gone to him. She felt at peace now, she felt like she could accept the future.

The young woman looked at Grimmjow.

His voice was rough and even as per usual. "Now, fuck off."

Same old.

Kira walked home with Hana and was happily quiet.

"All talked out?" The nurse motioned.

"No." The girl shook her head. "I'm okay with it all now. I'm sorry I broke down on you like that the other night. It was unfair. I was being stupid."

"You were being stupid, but I'm here for you. I am a servant in your house but…"

"You're like family to me, Hana."

The woman smiled. "You too, Kira. If you feel uncomfortable with Grimmjow I can…"

"No, no. I'm fine with him. He's terrifying and I often want to run away because he could hurt me badly if he wanted. But he hasn't. I've pissed him off already, I know that. I know he hates it when I talk, but he hasn't done anything. I don't know if its his family or the power he wants so badly…if he hurts me it will be so I learn not to get hurt that way again. He hasn't done it to anything he knows wont change."

"He's threatened you?"

"Yes."

"You're okay with that?"

Kira was silent. "Well…no. But his nature is bored, apathetic, egotistical and pushy. He does what he wants. I will be in his territory and he's not going to relinquish it."

"It will be your house to."

Kira shook her head. "No, the stronger of the two has ownership in this I think. I will never be able to beat him…and that is something I'm okay with."

"Why cant you be better than him?"

"I might have a different intelligence and a different way of moving, but he could destroy me if he wanted. He can be very sadistic and he will always strive to be stronger."

"You know all this already?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be content."

Hana was very still. "The wedding is next week. This wont be drop-in visits where you can leave after that."

Kira nodded and answered smally. Her tone was apprehensive. "I know."

* * *

><p><em>Hello all, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you thought, I really value the input and constructive criticism. <em>

_I wanted to focus on how Kira would deal with the idea of an arranged marriage with her preconceptions of life. I also wanted explore how she would deal with Grimmjow after not having known him long. No matter how I wrote it things always came out close to the interactions of later life. Things are still hard and a bit cold, but they are both human in this story so things will soften a little without getting out of character. In their other stories they remain as they are because that is what is natural. If I get out of character then let me know. I need to know so I can fix it._

_Blessings, _

_P. _

_P.S) Ask me anything at . _


	6. Chapter 4

_If its in you to climb you must – there are those who must lift their eyes to the hills – they cant breathe properly in the valleys. _

_(L.M Montgomery, Emily of New Moon)_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

The sun rises on every day, the moon on every night. If you look at it as if nothing ends, but rather that something else begins, then life wont be any easier but at least it will be more optimistic.

Kira stood on a pedestal with her hair plaited loosely down her back. A gaggle of seamstress' cluttered around her feet, pinning and stitching and altering the bottom of a detailed kimono. It was white with cream and silver patterns, pictures and stories sewn into every inch. The collar was a faint gold and the slippers matching. Kira felt like her mother and mother-in-law's doll. They were playing dress-ups with her and her legs were starting to hurt. She'd been standing there for a long time and, though she had loved the dress at first, all she wanted now was a cup of tea and something to eat.

"Mother." Kira extended her neck so she could see over the woman putting the final touches on her collar. "Can you get Hana to make some tea? I'm dying up here."

"You wont be able to drink it in case you spill. Just a little longer, Kira." Iwa smiled. "Patience is a virtue."

"So I've been told."

"I know you've been indecisive about what to think about this wedding. But now you seem rather apathetic, content even." There was a long pause. "What are you planning?"  
>"Nothing." Kira felt someone pull tighter on the tie around her waist and nearly fell over backwards. She gathered herself quickly. "I wont run away, if that's what you mean."<p>

"Good." The woman eyed her daughter.  
>"Yes, the situation is less than ideal in my eyes, but it is better than a lot of other things."<p>

"Yes, you could be living in a cold hut in the middle of a rice paddy."

"That's not what I meant." Kira pressed a hand against her torso as the pulling continued. The sash was getting very tight.

"Well, this time tomorrow you'll be married. Are you excited?"

Grimmjow's mother looked up at the bride. "If only my son knew what he was marrying."

The young woman glanced at the woman behind her in an attempt to get her to settle down. "I think he knows."

"You two get on then?"

"I guess you could say that."

"I am very glad. He needs someone to quiet his soul." The man's mother continued. "He is very restless. He moves like a torrent, forcing his way over whatever is in his path, sweeping away whatever wont move for him and delving his own journey."

"I do not think so. Grimmjow is more like a hurricane; he fills the torrents and makes them rage, he washes things one way and blows things another, forcing himself a path through more than what simple water could dictate."

"Maybe you're right." Was the hesitant reply.

Iwa stepped in here. "Kira it is not good to speak like this in the presence of company."

"Or at all." Kira said sarcastically.

Grimmjow's mother nodded. "It is too easy to get carried away. All women should practice restraint and know their place."  
>"I don't think we know our place yet. I think we've just been given one."<p>

"Behave, young lady." Iwa said sternly.

The girl sighed and fell stonily silent.

-__

Hana sat behind Kira the night before the wedding and ran a brush through the young woman's hair. The Sato had her eyes closed and seemed to be in a state of meditation. The candles on the table were the only light in the room.

"This time tomorrow you will be celebrating."

"A great many people will be there, including the Emperor. Its daunting."

"I'm sure. Better you than me."

Kira laughed softly, her eyes still closed. "And then the evening after I will arrive at the new estate with a trunk full of books, a wedding gift to my husband."  
>"And what did you really get him?"<p>

"I got him a war-horse."

"A what?"

"A horse. A big white stallion."

"Not an ornamental sword or an ancient map or something less…alive?"

"No. I thought about it long and hard and in the end I decided he would appreciate a big, headstrong, courageous horse. He rides military horses at the moment, but this will be his signature beast. People will see it from a distance and know he is riding. They also have similar personalities."

"You want the horse to throw and kill him then?"

"Oh, no. The horse has been trained to serve someone like Grimmjow since it was born; that's the difference in their personalities. I think my husband-to-be will like the challenge."

Hana shook her head slightly. "I can see how it works. Even so…"

"Hmm."

Silence. "You're rather relaxed."

"For the moment. Just breathing before the storm begins. I cant go running out into the rain to solve my problems. My head gets all tangled with itself. Right now…I'm just breathing."

"I'm glad. Tomorrow is going to be full on. And then you have tomorrow night."

Kira's eyes snapped open. "Shit."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry." The young woman collected her hair and twisted it over her shoulder. "I guess that's what my mother wanted to discuss tomorrow."

"Actually, she asked me to talk to you about it."

"What does she want to talk to me about tomorrow then? Does it get worse?" Kira spun around on her cushion to face her nurse.

Hana laughed. "No, she just wanted to make sure I had talked to you."

The girl covered her face with her hands and groaned.

"Don't tell me you hadn't thought about it?"

"No, I had." Kira peered through her fingers, sighed and dropped her hands on her lap. "It was just one of those surreal parts of the whole thing, like…I don't know."

"Grimmjow is attractive. What are you so worried about?"

The Sato tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I'm scared."

"I know."

"I'm scared that he'll get a good look at me and be disappointed."

"Kira, you're beautiful."

"No, not like that. Well, yes, like that, but not like that." She whined. "It's very personal. I'll be very…vulnerable. Its like he'll know all my secrets."

"Don't you want him to? Don't you want to love him?"

"I want to love him first."

Hana smiled sadly. "Unfortunately that is something most women of your stature don't get first."

"Cant we wait? Can't it be…postponed?"

"Kira, breathe. You looked markedly worried."

"I know. Why did you bring it up? I was so relaxed." She stopped suddenly. "Wait…you've never been married. How do you know?"

"No, I haven't been married. My only regret was that I wasn't secure in the relationship. I thought we would be together forever, and I've told you that I loved him. It is very frowned upon not to be married, even punishable by death in some families, but I loved him so much."

"Do you wish it had worked out and you had married him?"

"I do. A wedding for us would have been a celebration of our relationship and a declaration of our love. It's a lovely thing to wait until you've both gone through a ceremony of commitment and shown you're in it for everything. Some people don't and in the future I'm sure that many won't see the need. But both are special and they work very, very well together."

"Did you have to bring it up?"

"Do you still want me as your nurse?"

"Yes…"

"Your mother would have been very unhappy if I hadn't."

"Yeah, but you weren't part of an arranged marriage. I've known Grimmjow for…a day total maybe? You loved the guy."

Hana was silent. It was different. The act was the same but everything propelling it was different.

"I don't want to look back and wish it had been with someone I loved."

"You want to love Grimmjow one day, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then it will be with someone you love."

"It's not the same. I don't even trust him. It's a big thing."

"Kira, I was wrong about the guy I was with. I was very wrong. You won't get your heart broken this way."

"How is that supposed to be better? If tomorrow is supposed to be a celebration of my relationship then shouldn't tomorrow night be too?"

"That's exactly what it will be."

Kira crossed her arms self-consciously. "I always knew that it would be part of the affair. But I never really…I never clicked that it would happen." The young woman lolled her head back and stared at the ceiling.

"At least this isn't setting in tomorrow."

Kira closed her eyes and exhaled slowly before bringing her head back to its regular position. "Is it bad?"

"Not if you're prepared and you're in a good place. Its not a simple thing, even though it happens easily. It's valuable. Think of it as your wedding gift to each other."

"I'm pretty sure he won't see it that way."

"But you should." Hana grasped Kira's hand. "Just breathe."

The morning arrived blue and clear and already men and women were setting up decorations in the grand ball room of the Emperors palace. It was the great man's way of saying to the nation that he approved of the match. Many, many people were uneasy with the whole affair. The child, any child, could marry into the royal line, or stage a _coup_ d'état and overthrow government. They had the blood for it and apparently thus, the divine right.

Uneasy government members entered the temple where the ceremony would take place. Distant family, close family, friends and people of distinction followed.

Kira stood, in her wedding attire, in an adjacent building and peered through the door at the room. She had her hair up and a traditional white hood over it. Her face had been dusted white and her lips stained red. She felt like a doll and smelt like musk.

"Are you nervous, child?" Iwa asked from behind the young woman.

"I am." Kira closed the door and stepped back to breathe.

"I know the feeling. I felt the same on my wedding day. But it turned out very well."

"Do you love father?"

Iwa tucked her hands into her wide sleeves. "It didn't start out that way, but we grew fonder of each other over time. It was lovely."

Kira smiled quietly.

"You look beautiful, Kira." Iwa said fondly.

The kimono had turned out beautifully and all its painstaking detail had been well worth it. The finishes were perfect, delicate sparrows flitted across scenes on the sleeves, water rolled around the Obi and cranes stood in water at the bottom hem – all of them in a colour slightly different to the main fabric. You had to know to see it truly. You had to want to look. C'est la vie.

Kira lifted her arms so the sleeves could open. "It's a wonderful outfit."

"It is. Its lovely."

Hana popped her head in the door that lead to the outside. "Grimmjow is here."

Iwa shook her head. "Only in this marriage would the bride have to wait on the groom." She turned to Hana. "Tell him Kira is coming."

"No." Kira said quickly. "Tell him I am running five minutes late."

"What are you doing, child?"

"I want to see." Kira stepped up to the door again and slid it open a crack.

Hana nearly laughed from her place before vanishing. Minutes later Grimmjow was walking through the temple. He was dressed in traditional male kimono. It was dark; blacks and navy over white. He didn't seem to have brushed his hair, in fact it looked as it always had – like bed hair. His expression was exceptionally bored; he might as well be waiting for a servant to saddle his horse rather than his bride.

Kira inhaled, exhaled and closed the door. She turned to her mother. "I am ready. Where is father?"

The ceremony was brief, traditional and simple. The couple passed a cup between them, prayed and were prayed for. They knelt before a Shinto priest and allowed him to forward the ceremony and lift it to whatever gods may be. Grimmjow's face was apathetic throughout. He seemed not to mind how, why or if things proceeded.

Kira sat tall and found that her wrists felt weaker when she held things. Her anxiety had faded into little more than an aftershock; but it was what it was. Her mind flitted from place to place to place and the eyes of the whole room on her back burned.

When it was time to turn and present to the world the couple put their hands over each others. Kira's fingers were cool and became completely enveloped by Grimmjow's palm. It was warm, bordering on hot and completely steady. She glanced at him and ducked her head. She realised that they had hardly touched since meeting.

After all was done she was complimented by many on her Kimono, told that she looked lovely and had a number of people grasp her hand and smile.

Grimmjow stood silently by like a dark statue. He nodded at people, grunted at others and replied to some.

Kira put her hand on the man's elbow. "Are you alright? You do not seem joyous at all. Have I disappointed you?"

The man grunted. "Shut up, Brat. This is a wedding."

"It's your wedding."

"And I am glad of it."

"You can now take your fathers place without his passing if you choose. You have the power and the influence and now my backing."

Grimmjow watched her from the corner of his eye and laughed mono-syllabically.

"Better." Kira smiled.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and returned to apathy. "Just be quiet."

"If you want solitude…today is not the day."

"Baka." He rolled the word amusingly. "I didn't ask for solitude, I told you to be quiet."

"Think of it as music."

"Shit, Brat." He hissed and scowled.

Kira laughed. "Sorry."

"No you're not, you bitch."

"Don't call me that. I am your bride."

"Shut your trap."

Kira shook her head. He wasn't angry, he just remained apathetic. Grimmjow was and always would be Grimmjow, party or not.

The whole party walked the short distance to the reception area. Throngs of women in colourful kimonos mingled with the dark hues of men. Children ran around in little shoes and in the midst of it all the new couple meandered.

Kira seemed to cop the brunt of attention, as brides seem to do at weddings, and Grimmjow just walked along with his hands in his pockets.

A young boy of around five or six ran up to the bride and tugged on her dress. Kira twisted to see him, smiled and knelt down to face height.

"Hello." She addressed him plainly.

The boy abruptly held out a small flower that had been half suffocated in his pocket. "You have pretty eyes."

"Oh." Kira took the offering. "Thank you."

The child's gaze slipped from the woman's and over her shoulder. He was stone still for a moment and then he was gone.

Kira stood up. "You didn't have to scare him."

Grimmjow looked down at her, his hands still in his pockets. "Csh."

"Jealous?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Baka."

Kira sighed and was quickly greeted by another. This time she laughed honestly and took the hands of her friend. "Amaya!"

The other woman embraced her friend. "Hello there. You look lovely."

"Thank you. You look quite well yourself." The Sato looked down at her friend's belly. "You're showing already."

"I know. It's a boy, I can feel it." Amaya put a hand on her pregnant stomach and smiled. "Soon it will be your turn."

"Oh, I don't think I'm half ready to have a child."

"Once I have mine you'll want your own. You'll see."

"Its so good to see you."

"And its good to see you married! You must be the last of our class."

"It must be a sign then."

"Lucky Last."

"Obviously." Kira squeezed her friend's hand. "Where is your husband?"

"Oh, he's around somewhere."

"I'll see you inside?"

"Of course."

The Sato let her friend go and continued on with the procession. Hana was very nearby, watching and waiting to be needed. She could see that the young woman looked happy and healthy. All her hesitation seemed to have slipped away with her anxiety. She was caught up.

Red lanterns and dragon dancers lined the path to where the meal would be held. Musicians played, acrobats performed with ribbons and gifts created a colourful, growing pile in the corner of the room.

Kira and Grimmjow were applauded upon their entry and seated in the centre of the head table, their parents on either side.

It was very easy to get caught up. The smell of food and tea drifted with the chatter and everyone seemed in good spirits. A wedding, even an arranged one, was a time for everyone to celebrate the simplicity of a relationship. A man and a woman coming together and joining their families.

Hana slipped up to Kira during dinner and whispered in her ear. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." The young woman turned her head close to her friend's. "Are you having a good time?"

"Yes. Is your groom in a bad mood?"

"No, he's just bored."

"How can you tell?"  
>"Well, he's either bored or angry and I would prefer it if he was bored."<p>

Hana smiled and slipped away.

Kira turned to her new husband. "Are you enjoying my favourite tea or should I pick another?"

He glanced at her. "Pick another."

"Something stronger?"

"Something that isn't tea." His voice was continually rough and seemed to grumble up from his chest.

Kira nodded.

And then her mother was behind her. It felt like the day had reached its point of climax and slipped down past it, but the presence of Iwa put the Sato's heart in her throat.

The older woman had moved from her husband's side to kneel behind her daughter. "Kira, it is time to go."

Kira swallowed and remembered why she had very little appetite despite the array of food. She exhaled slowly and rose with her mother. Hana met them outside, the noise from the reception thundering through the walls.

"How are you now?" Hana mentioned.

Kira breathed stiffly.

Her mother steadied. "Come, we need to get you ready."

"Mother, I can't."

"You're married now. The biggest step is over."

"No, no its not." Kira hesitated.

"Its not that big of a deal."

"Yes, yes it is. Why do you think there's such a value on it all? I can't just say it isn't to protect myself."

Iwa sighed. "Don't be worried about disappointing him. You'll be fine."

Hana knew that wasn't it but remained silent. Kira clenched her hands to stop them from trembling as she was lead from the party to prepare for her first night as a married woman.

Kira knew that her consciousness, her emotions and what felt like the soul itself were attached to her physical being. That is why people tell you to look after your body and be respectful with how you treat it – its is connected to more than just an outward shell. Yes, it is what is left behind when all else is gone but it is a home while everything remains. Whatever happens to it happens to the home and effects the precious things within.

That night was never going to be casual or easy or passing. It was going to be scary and hopefully special.

Kira washed and had her hair taken down. Her wedding clothes were whisked away and she was wrapped in a plain white robe. Hana removed the knots from the young woman's hair with skilled fingers and watched silently as she rolled from the ball of one foot to the other.

"Hey, hey." The nurse said gently. "Calm down."

Kira let out an anxious, nervous noise and flicked her hands back and forth against the gnawing in her stomach. "I don't want to do this."

"You're just nervous. And don't tell me you've never thought about it."

"You're not helping."

"Kira." Hana took the girl by the shoulders and spun her around. "Are you going to be a baby or are you going to be you?"

The young woman dropped her head back and grumbled. "I know that my relationship with Grimmjow isnt romantic and its not sweet. Its just our story, not the romantic or sweet one."

"And the problem is? You knew this already."

Kira couldn't articulate what she felt. The gnawing in her stomach had eased since the night before but she was still worried. So many things she hadn't experienced, so many places she hadn't been…the marriage was a giant step either forward or backwards, the wedding night was a whole different story. It was so personal and so deep that she couldn't grasp it at all and that was part of what scared her.

The young woman closed her eyes and breathed steadily.

Hana let her shoulders go. "Tonight, the lights of the city all burn for you."

Kira opened her eyes and absorbed herself. She hugged her friend and slipped out of the room and to the one she was to wait in.

The young woman stood on the opposite side of the room to the door for a long while. Her little shakes subsided and she began to wander. It had been half an hour now. Kira ran her fingers over the beautiful patterns on the walls and examined them curiously. Half her mind was tuned in, listening to the room and waiting, the rest was biding time.

The young woman turned from the wall and she lightly stepped over to the curtains that hung by the window. They moved slightly in the breeze. It was cool outside, chilled, and Kira closed the shutters against it.

By the time an hour had passed she was sitting by a candle, staring at it as it flitted up and down. At an hour fifteen she ran her finger back and forth through the flame and by an hour and a half she was standing, stretching her arms above her head and bored.

She knew if she had been in the state she had been in an hour ago that she would have been a bit of a wreck. Now she had settled and calmed and accepted her duties. Duty was the wrong word. Her choice. She chose it. She chose not to run away, she chose not to beg her father to annul the engagement, she had behaved in front of his parents. No, she had made the decision to go through with the arrangement. Grimmjow was doing it for the power and she was doing it for the freedom. Somewhere between it all, it seemed that neither minded having to do it together.

Kira was standing on her toes, reaching up to touch the base of a house lantern that hung from the ceiling when the door slid open. She dropped back and looked towards the sound. Grimmjow looked somewhat…normal. Kira had half expected him to be drunk and she didn't really know why.

For once the young woman had nothing to say.

The man looked at her. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

Grimmjow grunted and walked over to a bowl that sat on the window sill. It was full of luke-warm water and he splashed it over his face messily. He looked at the girl as he grabbed a towel. He didn't say anything, he just seemed to shake his head as he pressed the cloth to his face.

"Big party." Kira said hesitantly.

"Csh."

"I…um…" She ran her thumb over the top of her forefinger.

"Easy, Brat." Grimmjow nearly laughed. "At least you've shut up."

"Do you want me to talk? I cant…I cant really think of what to say right now." She seemed small as she stood nearby.

He laughed properly. "That's so pathetic."

"I've never…" She stopped when Grimmjow stood right above her. Kira pulled her shoulders inward.

"You're actually trembling?" The man lifted her hand up so she could see it.

Kira glanced at her fingers and back to him. She closed her eyes and exhaled. She stopped abruptly when a warmth pressed to her neck. Kira froze and opened her eyes. She could feel his teeth on her jaw as he mover that way and she didn't know what to do at all. Grimmjow pressed his hand to the small of her back and drew the other one between her shoulder-blades, securing her as his territory in a way. Kira watched the lantern hanging from the ceiling for a moment, her eyes wide and her hands very lightly lifted in front of herself.

Everything stopped. All at once everything she had felt about the whole affair hit her abruptly. She inhaled sharply and Grimmjow drew back from her, hovering right above her face.

The young woman looked him in the eye and searched his face. Everything fell away like a crumbling wall when she moved to press her mouth to her husband's.

It was alright. She had chosen it. It was okay to be scared. She expected it. It was fine to be unsure. She knew that came with the territory.

The only thing she didn't know is if she could ever love this man. And that did concern her without pause.

* * *

><p><em>Arranged marriage. Weird to write. Whenever I heardlearned about arranged marriage I always thought that the ceremony part would be fine, but everything after not so much. The whole sex thing especially. You hardly know the person (and yes, that doesn't stop a lot of my generation) but back then it was different. It was hard to approach so I hope I did it okay and not to awkwardly. I sure felt awkward. FYI: I don't write smut. Ever. No le sexy times from this author._

_Anyway. Please do let me know what you thought, I really appreciate your opinion and it makes writing everything else so much easier. _

_Hope you're all well. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _

_P.S) I will try post twice a week or more.  
>P.P.S) Ffic keeps deleting my link to my blog. Its peterpauper at tumblr dot com. You can ask me anything. <em>


	7. Chapter 5

_"…there was about him a suggestion of lurking ferocity, as though the Wild still lingered in him and the wolf him merely slept."_

_(Jack London)_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Waking up beside someone after spending most of your life waking up alone can be quite a disorienting thing. Kira blinked her way into the room and felt her stomach pressed against the futon. She could feel her hair slipping over her back and shoulders and watched through pieces of it as she woke up. The young woman pulled her arms in under herself, folding her elbows and wrapping her hands around her neck. Slowly her weight began to move the feeling from her forearm and she shifted onto her side.

Grimmjow was flat on his stomach, just as she had been. His face was turned away from her and she had been watching his shoulder-blades rise and fall for a few minutes.

Kira pulled the blankets up around herself and didn't quite know what to do. She didn't dare move because she didn't dare take the blanket off the sleeping man and was too self conscious to take it off herself.

The whole affair of the night before was a bit of a blur. Kira remembered being frightened and anxious, she remembered kissing her husband but couldn't really remember what to do after that, and then she remembered that she wanted, more than anything, to love him. But you cannot force the heart.

Kira didn't know if she would regret the night before yet, even though she knew she wouldn't regret it if she had run off. She wondered if she would ever wish she had waited until she loved him; if she ever did. Yes, the young woman was fond of her husband in a way. He was perplexing and arrogant and frustrating, but he wasn't going to get in the way of her desires, not that he cared much for them anyway.

Kira heard Grimmjow turning as she came out of her thought. He was still dead asleep, his expression as it would have been if he was awake, and his hair just as much of a mess. The man's face became visible and his weight shifted from one shoulder to another, he stretched his spine and began to lift his upper body. It was like watching a mountain move. He was a fit man; he did a lot of physical work. The skin on his hands was rough; the muscles in his back apparent, the injuries from past scraps were faint little lines in the least obvious places.

Kira breathed evenly as his eyes opened and took in the first sight of the morning; her. Grimmjow sighed heavily, turned his head the other way and dropped back onto his stomach. Then with a deft blow he pushed his wife off the futon.

Kira, quite determined to stay covered, took as much blanket as possible and earned a growl for her efforts.

Grimmjow rolled onto his side and watched her try to look dignified from her place on the floor. "Piss off, Brat."

Kira blinked. "I'm trying to get used to the waking up with company thing as well."

"I said piss off."

The young woman hesitated before sliding back up onto the futon. She still clutched the covers to herself. She started to speak but stopped herself. She tried again. "Was…I'd never…"

The man hissed. "You're actually going to talk? About that no less? Csh." He watched the young woman lie down again and face him.

Kira looked at the corner of her pillow and remained silent for a long while. "I don't know where to go from here. No one ever told me and I haven't read anything about it all so…"

Grimmjow exhaled and moved onto his back. He was mostly uncovered and seemed apathetic to the autumn chill. Kira shuffled as much of the blanket as she was willing to give over in the hope that he would take it.

The man looked over. His wife seemed anxious to look at him. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No."

"Baka." He replied to her answer. There was a silence. "Oh, I get it. You've never seen a man before."

"I've seen men."

"Shirtless?"

Kira quieted. "Infrequently."

"Naked?" He seemed very amused with his new game.

"Well…no."

Grimmjow laughed wickedly. "That's it?" He laughed some more and continued to play. "What about all adventure you seem to be after? All the life experience?"

Kira's voice was low. "I wanted to wait for some experiences." The young woman swallowed, her voice was muffled by her blanket. "How…How many others have there been?"

The man stopped smiling abruptly and looked at her with a hard expression. He moved deftly and was soon right above the young woman. Kira drew her arms in stared up at the man's face. There was hardly anything between them at all. Maybe one day there wouldn't even be a single secret in the air between them, and then there would be nothing between them.

Grimmjow watched the girl shift in a self-conscious manner. Kira squeezed her eyes shut as he pressed his fingers to a point just below her jaw. Her heart was pounding and he would know in just a second. Grimmjow was watching her face when she opened her eyes again, his hand now right beside her throat.

"You're pathetic." He said abruptly.

"No." Kira shook her head very lightly. "Just human. I just want to be able to do what I want to do. I want someone to advise against it if its detrimental but I wan the decision to be ultimately mine. I want to make my own mistakes and learn from others."

"Csh." Grimmjow stared down at her. "You're fear makes you easy prey."

"I can't help it. But I want to keep going despite it all."

"If someone doesn't take you out first."

The young woman paused. "I'm not scared of you."

"That may be a mistake you don't get to learn from." Was the grumbled reply.

"Do you…" Kira clasped her fingers under her chin and undid them again. "Do you want me to be afraid of you?"

Grimmjow stared flatly at her. "It doesn't matter. You should be."

"I want…" The young woman stopped and looked at her hands briefly. "I want you to want to be…with me."

"Csh."

"Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond between two people who decide that they're going to be there for each other even when life is shit, even when they don't like each other."

"You're so full of shit." Grimmjow ran his thumb down Kira's throat. "I could break your neck right now and have everything I ever needed." He seemed to smile to himself.

The girl nodded very slightly in acknowledgement. "But where would the fun in that be?" Her voice came out very small.

"I'd have a great time."

Kira smiled genuinely. "Well, I'm glad you won't."

"Don't bet on it."

"Its thrilling to bet on the one thing that could slip through your fingers so easily."

Grimmjow grumbled in a suffered manner. "Here are the rules." His tone was firm and commanding. "You do not wake me up. Ever. If you do then I will see to it that you never wake up, savvy? You do not ask me about my day, you don't whine about pathetic little things. And above all you do not challenge me."

Kira nodded briefly. "There are days when I will wake you up, and I will wait for you until you get home. You will see me cry and when you're being a son of a bitch I will kick you in the shins. But you don't get to stop me from living my life. I know I will probably never travel alone to an exotic place or have an absolutely perfect day, but from now on you probably wont have those things either."

There was a long silence. Grimmjow seemed as if he was about to explode.

Kira put a hand over her mouth and laughed sweetly.

Grimmjow stared at the ceiling and growled lowly from his stomach.

The young woman sat up and brought her face level with his. "I'll let you know that I'm a pain in the ass 99% of the time and, to you, my rebound rate into the next pain in the ass thing is phenomenal. And I've gathered that you're an apathetic egoist with justification 99% of the time." Kira still held her arms around herself self-consciously and her voice was still small. "But I think we're both cats with 9 lives…and that's a lot of living to go through. I intend to do my fair share of it."

"I don't get stuck with anything." Grimmjow hissed.

Kira shook her head.

"Your pathetic little life can go on as it pleases. I plan on doing what I want, when I want to get what I want. If you just so happen to run parallel to that then so fucking be it."

Kira nodded. "Okay."

Grimmjow growled and climbed off the futon. Kira quickly gathered the blankets around herself and slid onto her back before shifting to her side. She made a conscious effort to face the opposite direction to that which her husband occupied.  
>Husband. She nearly cringed. It still felt like too much too soon; probably because it was. The young woman had no idea about marriage, she didn't even know who she was yet. For once Kira wished she had a number, a hierarchy that let you know that this is where you stand because you have worked hard; no one could undermine that.<p>

And now there was a half dressed man who hadn't been half dressed a moment ago walking around the place she had slept. Slept with him.

Shit was the one word reeling through her mind. Despite the brave face and philosophical bravado; she was nervous. Still. It was annoying. But she was more nervous about being with Grimmjow than actually marrying him. She wasn't comfortable to be completely vulnerable around him, even though she had made an effort to let him see some of her vulnerability. He thought it was weak, and for a moment Kira thought that maybe he had some deep personal chasm of thought too. Then she realised that it was against Grimmjow's nature altogether and highly improbable. He wasn't shallow, he was just very sure of himself.

Kira had waited for Grimmjow to leave before getting up. She quickly moved about the room, found her robe and put it on. She was wrapping it around her waist when the door opened.

The young woman started but sighed when she saw her nurse.

"Did I frighten you?" Hana asked, slipping the door shut behind her.

"No. I'm just a bit…aware today."

"Feeling self conscious?"

Kira pressed her thumb nails together. "I just…when…it was like he could see straight through my soul…like he could see everything."

"I told you it was a special thing."

Kira was silent.

"Do you regret it?"

"No." She shook her head. "We are married…but I do wish that…if I had known what it would be like I would have maybe spoken to him. He's like a lone wolf wandering about, like a tiger maybe; there's a wildness to him and a strength and solitude within that. It was frightening."

"Seems like you saw into him as well."

"Maybe…" Kira pulled her hair over her shoulder. "Anyway. This is embarrassing and I need to get dressed."

Hana smiled. "Still embarrassed?"

"Until I get to decide I'm ready for that kind of thing, then yes I'm still embarrassed. When it happens because I am completely willing to know I will be completely fragile and that my soul is seemingly on display then I will let you know. Until then, its because I want that…for both of us now."

"For both of you?"

"Yes. It's a two way thing. And didn't I say I was embarrassed? I'm not talking about this. It was awkward enough this morning."

"But you liked it?"

"Oh my gosh, Hana." Kira laughed and covered her face. "Its not about liking someone, is it? Like you said, its not something that should be treated lightly and that's all that I'm saying on the matter. Are my things packed for travel?"

"Yes, they are. We are waiting on you."

"Do I get to eat?"

"Yes. You get to have your first breakfast as a married couple shortly."

"Oh. He'll be there." Kira frowned.

"Of course he will." Hana disappeared out the door for a moment before returning with an armful of clothes. When she returned Kira was standing in the middle of the room, biting her thumb. "You seem quite thoughtful this morning."

"I thought I would feel different."

"You don't?"

"No. I don't know why I thought I would feel different. I'm the same person." She cocked her head sideways. "Huh."

Hana started to help Kira dress.

"I mean…I do feel different. I gave away something that can only be given away once. I do…" she grew quiet "feel like I lost something precious."

"You didn't lose it. You gave it away."

Kira helped Hana tie an obi around her waist. "Not in the way it was supposed to be given away." The young woman sighed. "I'm over thinking this…I'm thinking about it. Ew." She shook her hands out. "Okay. Breakfast."

Hana laughed but felt a pang of sadness; Kira was still so young. She still wanted so much and believed she had it all. She read about people she could never be, on adventures she could never have. She felt things that were true, but not necessarily part of how life worked. If only it were as cherished a place as the Sato saw it. If only it could be like that. But even Kira knew it wasn't, and thus her thoughts became that much more beautiful and potential became that much more wondrous.

Kira moved through the rooms of an unfamiliar house. It was Grimmjow's fathers and it was quite grand indeed. A different sort of grandeur to the Sato house, but just as lavish; instead of academic documents and art pieces depicting landscapes there were maps and decorative weapons, statuettes of battle horses and rich mahogany all around.

Kira was guided to the dining room where she was seated for breakfast. Grimmjow was already there, handing a piece of paper up to a servant he drew his gaze across the table.

"Not hiding behind the sheets?" He smiled in a sinister manner.

Kira smiled and accepted tea from a young woman. "We're you doing business?"

The man's smile changed and became mysterious and dark. "I guess you could say that."

"Ah." The young woman watched him over her cup. "I guess I'll just have to work it out for myself then."

"You are playing a dangerous game." He crossed his arms.

"Well, the way I figure it is that you no longer need me so it's either play or be cast on the wayside."

Grimmjow chuckled lowly, rumbling deeply.

They moved to the carriage after their meal. The parents of each newly-wed was present to wave them off to the country estate near the heart of military operations. Kira watched as Grimmjow mounted the horse she had got him. He hadn't got her anything or shown that he had yet.

She doubted it.

Hana helped the young woman climb into the coach.

"I'm going to start wearing pants." Kira said steadfastly.

"Easy, girl." The nurse said steadily. "You're not even our of your parents sight and you're braving a whole new world."

"Of course."

"If you wear pants you will do it as a lady; you will have your robes over the top and no one will see."

"Since when were you my mother?"

"Biologically? Never."

Kira rolled her eyes and looked out the window. Slowly the world began to move past. She had travelled before and each time was exciting. Each time somewhere new was coming forth from the distance.

Grimmjow galloped ahead on his new horse and disappeared.

A whole new place awaited, a whole new set of books and paintings, furnishings and layouts, servants and stable-boys. It was exciting. This is what she had been waiting for; the chance to seize the day. Carpe Diem.

Kira closed her eyes and felt the breeze on her face. It froze her cheeks and made her shiver.

It was a good time to be young and alive. Feelings like apprehension, anxiety and fear were all natural parts of life; without them joy, excitement and contentment would be nullified.

Kira decided that if she was ever going to do it, now was the time. If she was ever going to grab life by the reigns, then she would do it then.

And so she did. Apprehensively, but with excitement.

* * *

><p><em>I know I said twice a week. I am a bad, bad person. I am a bad, busy person and I have been struck down with a bad case of the flu. So sorry this chapter didn't come out earlier. <em>

_I hope you liked it anyway. Please let me know what you thought; I read all reviews and constructive criticism and appreciate them greatly. _

_So, thank you for reading. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	8. Chapter 6

_"This I believe: That the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected." _

- _John Steinbeck. _

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 6**

Kira Sato was a small child when it came to discovering a new house. If she had lived in the modern world she would have been a realtor, a pesky neighbor and a holiday enthusiast. She hadn't realized just how exciting moving house could be. The whole idea of playing house wasn't that great, but Kira was an adventurous soul, among other things, and as soon as her carriage pulled through the gates of Grimmjow's estate she got excited.

She could see a stable-boy watering the unsaddled, sweat stained horse that she had bought her husband for their wedding and quickly hurried through the main courtyard to the front door.

The house wrapped around the courtyard with servant quarter, the kitchen and the stables on one side, the gate at the front, a study, reception area, dining room and lounge in the other wing and the main body of the house in front. The main area was two stories high with a dark roof that glittered like water in the sun.

Kira found two lion statues by the front door and a huge carving of a horse on the wall immediately in front of her upon entering the house. She felt like Alice down the rabbit hole for a split second before she moved off through towards the back of the house. A great living space opened up with long low couches, dark tables and a door that slid open to a very big garden. It had been styled immaculately and confirmed the fact that Grimmjow was not the one who designed the estate. The only touch of him that she could see was a small sand pit behind the stables where he and his friends could fight each other.

The girl retreated back into the house and found three bedrooms downstairs along with the servant's quarters. The place truly was huge. Bigger than her house in the city. It even seemed excessive, and she loved it.

Kira found plenty of horses in the stable but proudly saw that none were as fine as the big grey being led in.

The young woman climbed upstairs to find, surprisingly, two bathrooms. She understood the two downstairs but she didn't quite see how a country house could get hot water upstairs. The girl made a note to ask whoever drew the bath.

Kira wandered through each room, finding all a bit too stale to be lived in. They were beautiful, just unmoving. Too…clean.

And then she found the master bedroom. She entered it like a mouse would enter the kitchen after being chased by a cat. There was a low table surrounded by cushions and a huge door that lead to a balcony. It looked out over the courtyard and main gate and then beyond. It was like looking out of a castle at the surrounding ground and seeing where the weaknesses of the land lay, where its strengths were and how to manipulate it. It was defiantly an admiral's balcony.

Kira tucked her hair behind her ear and stretched up. She turned and saw the room as a whole; the detailing on the walls showed soldiers riding into battle, but they rode past beautiful mountains and waterfalls with birds standing in the pool below. There was a place to sit and a large, low bed to sleep on. There were cupboards with gold etchings on them and a sword sitting on top of one.

Kira quickly made her way towards it and picked it up. It was long and heavier than she expected. Most swords made for this level of society were light and strong, but this one was more weighted than her fathers. The girl drew it partially from its sheath and watched her reflection distort in the metal.

A heavy hand wrapped around hers on the hilt and a grip other than her own forced the sheath back up. Kira looked up at Grimmjow and continued to hold the blade.  
>"It's beautiful." She said easily.<p>

The man watched her. "Don't touch my shit." He said flatly.

"You're going to have to clarify what is 'your shit' and what isn't."

"This you cannot touch. Nor my horse." Grimmjow seemed to growl a bit.

"You like him?"

"It's a horse." Was the blasé reply.

Kira smiled gently. "Can you teach me how to use it?"

"The horse?" The man frowned.

"No…well, yes. That would be great. But I meant this." She lifted the sword a bit and felt the weight of his hand on it.

Grimmjow laughed and took the blade from her. He stopped abruptly. "No."

"Why not?"

"I wonder why not." The man scoffed. "You're a pathetic little brat, what makes you think you even deserve to use a sword?"  
>"The fact that I could die by one." Was the honest reply. "You could teach me to use something else, it doesn't have to be this blade. It could be a kitchen knife."<p>

"You don't deserve to wield a blade."

"Because I'm not a man?"

"No, because you're you."

Kira paused. "You're an ass, you know that?" She didn't sound angry, it just sounded like normal conversation. "I just want more for me that what was planned. Cant you understand that?"

"If you want that then just do it." Grimmjow replied flatly. He just stood there now, his sword back on the counter and his hands firmly planted in his pockets.

The young woman thought a moment. "That's what you did, isn't it? You wanted more so you did more."

"No, I deserved more so I made sure I got it. There's a difference."

"You don't think I deserve more?"

Grimmjow scoffed and rolled his neck. "I haven't got time for this. Get out of my room."

"This is my room too."

"No its not." He grumbled. "Get out."

Kira frowned. "It's mine to and I will stay just to piss you off."

The man scowled at her. "What the fuck do you want?"

The young woman was silent. "I thought you knew."

"I know what you want to do. You won't shut up about it. I just want to rip your face off whenever you open your mouth about it all."

Kira ran her fingers behind her ears. "I want to look in the mirror and see someone worthwhile."

"That's bull shit. You aren't worth while."

"No, I am. But the person looking at themselves always has trouble seeing it. You know, but you can't justify it."

"You're a persistent bitch, aren't you?"

Kira smiled sweetly. "Its music, remember?"

The man rolled his eyes and turned away.

The young woman reached out and caught his sleeve. She didn't let go but she didn't try to stop him at all. "Could you please show me around?"

Grimmjow half turned, grunted and planted his hand on her head. Kira closed her eyes briefly and peered up at her husband with her unusual eyes. He stared down at her before pushing her away vaguely.

The man walked a few steps down the corridor before looking back over his shoulder. "Are you coming or what, Brat? Or are you just going to stand there like an idiot?"

Kira smiled. "Can we go that way first? I haven't been that way yet."

"Don't push it." He growled.

She stepped lightly to be parallel to Grimmjow. If he didn't want to spend time with her then he sure as hell wouldn't if he could help it. If she didn't want to spend time with him then she'd probably have to fight him off because he'd be so pleased with himself for getting her annoyed. But the way things were developing…they were moving in the right way for both of them. If fate or destiny existed then it had a similar direction for both of them. If it didn't, then they were just trying to get to the top of the same mountain.

It felt quite natural to move in the same direction as him without necessarily being with him. Kira hadn't quite worked out why that was, but she wanted to.

Kira soon discovered a beautiful gazebo built into the garden. It had a view of the farmland beyond, not of the stone walls of a city. The estate had its paddocks nearby and the scent of horses and sweet grass lingered everywhere, and on the hill nearby stood a large barracks with tall guard towers and smoke drifting up from within.

"Is that where you will go every day?" Kira enquired, her hand on one of the gazebo poles.

"Csh." Grimmjow stood in the middle of the building apathetically. "You're a bright one, aren't you?"

The young woman shook her head briefly. "I bet the men love the village nearby."

"Not as much as the geisha house loves the barracks."

Kira frowned. "I…um. Do you…?" She turned to face her husband.

Grimmjow watched her with a bored expression. "I haven't much interest in whores."

"So a farmers daughter?"

The man laughed shortly. "Don't ask questions if you don't want a lie."

"Don't lie to me." Kira said honestly, stepping up to him.

"Ah." Grimmjow seemed amused. "What would you do, little Brat, if you ever caught me with another woman?"

"I would render you infertile." She said plainly.

The man laughed. "I highly doubt that."

"I am not quiet side-woman who sits idly by as her husband visits geisha. You have the opportunity to find in me something they cannot offer you."

"Huh? Really?" He was sarcastic. "What the hell could you offer me that a few good coins couldn't bring from a whore-house?"

"Companionship." Kira pondered a moment. "Loyalty, even."

"Ha."

The young woman twisted her hair over her shoulder. "I think…"

Grimmjow planted his hand right over her mouth. "I don't give a flying fuck what you think. You've already given me the bullshit about a relationship and friendship and love and ponies and whatever."

Kira pulled his wrist down. "I think you need to stop being a sarcastic ass and realise that power can be achieved through methods other than fist-fighting and tall-talk. There's an art to everything in life, you just have to see it and interpret it."

"There is no art to putting a sword through your opponent's gut. Either you die or he dies. Whoever doesn't survive doesn't deserve to survive."

Kira nodded. "Hopefully one day you'll learn to appreciate my style, just as I can try to appreciate yours."

"Don't hold your breath."

"Kira!" Hana's voice drifted over the garden. "Kira! Come arrange your things!"

The young woman lifted onto her toes and called over Grimmjow's shoulder. "Coming!"

The man cringed, gripped his wife by the collar-bone and forced her back to her feet. "Shut up, Brat. And don't you dare put your shit in my room."

"Its going in your room because your room is now a shared space. Move out if you don't like it."

Grimmjow growled. "Don't yank my chain."

"Don't pretend I'm going to let you walk all over me. I'm moving in whether you like it or not." Kira passed her husband. "Thanks for the tour."

"Oi, Brat, I'm dead serious. My space, my rules."

Kira paused. "You're stronger, you're faster, you're deadlier, but you're also my husband. We're part of the same elite group, and now our lives move parallel to each other. You're going to have to get used to it. I had to."

"I don't step aside for anyone."

"I'm not asking you to." Kira turned briefly. "Don't change, Grimmjow. Don't change me. Things are going to be just fine the way they are."

The man huffed and walked over to the opposite side of the gazebo. He leant on the railing and stared out at the land. His wife steadied a moment to take him into consideration. There was still so much to learn about this man, still so much to be discovered. And then, there wasn't much at the same time. He was what he was and he made no apologies for it; even when it was detrimental to those around him. Even when it was detrimental to himself.

Kira followed her bustling nurse into the kitchen where her bags had been unloaded and set aside.

"So." Hana put her hands on her hips. "Where to?"

The young woman looked at her belongings and then at the staff nearby. "There are food-stuffs in here, so those stay in the kitchen. There are teas and spices and everything my mother would have thought suitable for an overstocked kitchen…so…here. That goes here."

Kira stood over her things and wondered how to behave like the mistress of a house. "The trunk with my clothes goes to the master bedroom."

"The master bedroom?" A scullery maid said timidly. "But my lady, that's where the master sleeps."  
>"And I am the master's wife. This may be an arranged marriage but a marriage it is." Kira smiled at the woman. "I will deal with him."<p>

"I don't like that idea, my lady."

"Well my mother will like the idea of us living in separate rooms even less and I fear her much more."

The staff laughed vaguely.

"Put my study materials; books, paint brushes, calligraphy brushes, instruments…" The young woman was half way through thinking about whether or not some of these things belonged in storage when a loud bang broke through the room.

The kitchen was a long rectangular room with a door that opened onto the main courtyard. Kira was standing near the door and her bags had been slipped to one side. The wooden frame shook on its hinges as the main body of the structure was slid aside forcibly. A dull crack and a slow creaking noise saw the door begin to lean inwards and collapse into the room. Staff scattered as heavy weather-warding wood broke over a pile of cases, bags and personal belongings.

Before the crash, Kira felt a painful grip seize her upper arm and haul her backwards. The smell of sweat surrounded her instantly.

"Kira!" Hana reached forward.

The young woman felt a coldness against her throat and watched as her maid stopped dead. It had always been known that marrying two such families would cause a disturbance, but not one so early in the arrangement.

"Congratulations on your nuptials." A hard voice slithered. "But I cannot agree with them."

"Where are you from, sir?" Kira tried to sound calm and even but had no experience in remaining placid in such circumstances. They always happened so fast and came from very unexpected angles.

"It doesn't matter. I am loyal to the Emperor and I will not see you bare a child that will take the throne by force. I will not see civil war in this country."

"If a war was to be started it would have already begun."

"Oh, but it has. I'm here, aren't I?"

Hana stood across the room and watched with a concerned expression. The man holding her friend was large and alone. Stable boys and servants stood behind him not knowing what to do. The attacked seemed desperate, he was sweating despite the coolness of the air.

Kira had her hand wrapped around his wrist, her neck arched back against the blade.

"Oi." A rough voice called from the kitchen. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Ah, the man of the house." The attacker sounded smug now. "What would you say if I cut your pretty wife's face?"

Kira swallowed as the knife found its way from her throat to her cheek.

"Or maybe her famous eyes? Eh?" The tip of the blade slipped against the delicate skin under the eyes. "Such a funny colour. She must be possessed. That's what some say anyway."

Grimmjow shrugged and stepped in front of Hana. "I don't care. Cut her eyes out."

The man scowled. "You don't mean that."

"Try me." His hands were still in his pockets though is voice was threatening and dark.

Kira noticed that the amateur-assassin was holding her only by the arm, and that he was much less frightening now that his knife wasn't against her neck.

"You son of a bitch." He pointed the blade at Grimmjow.

The young woman took her chance. She slammed her head backwards and felt her skull make contact with her attacker's jaw. He stumbled back a bit and her hand went out to his and quickly stole the blade from his briefly loosened grip. The man noticed her action and tightened his grip around the knife, starting a struggle.

Kira felt his hand let her elbow go just as his shoulder made contact with her face. She tasted blood in her mouth. The young woman had just started to pull away at this point but was quickly stunned. In a blurred moment she pulled the knife into her own grip and spun around quickly. Instinct took over and she knew she had one shot.

The man weighed more, knew more about fighting and could flatten her with a single back-hand. Without even looking at his face, Kira drove the knife downwards and into his chest. She felt a squelching and heard a squishing noise as the blade embedded itself into the man's body.

Quickly Kira came to and saw the attackers face. He was young, Grimmjow's age, and he looked so desperate. He went to his knees and she stepped back quickly, her hands sticky and warm.

The hilt of what must have been a kitchen knife stood out of the man's chest, protruding from the left side. His shirt soaked with blood in moments and he collapsed sideways, his eyes open and no sound coming from him.

Kira was in the kitchen a few minutes later, her hands were wet with water and she was being handed a towel.

The man had been identified as a farmer from the village. Rumours must have reached him, propaganda too.

The young woman dried her hands and breathed steadily.

"So you have guts after all." Grimmjow said in a flat tone as he stood above her.

Kira took one hand from the towel and slapped her husband across the face as hard as she could. It turned his head but did little more. "How dare you tell him to cut my eyes out! He could have killed me in a moment. You know that if he tried to fight me he would have won."

"He did try to fight you. He made your lip bleed." Grimmjow grabbed the hand that had hit him and slid his thumb over his wife's split skin. "And yes, he would have flattened you."

"And you would have let him!" Kira was indignant. "I just killed a man because if I hadn't you would have let him kill me!"

"Yes, you killed a man. Good on you."

"You're a monster."

Grimmjow stared at her. "If you hadn't killed him he would have killed you. Survival of the fittest. If he had killed you then you didn't deserve to live."

The young woman tried to pull her hand away and slap him again.

"Uh." The man said thickly. "Now, if it had been me you would have been dead before you had known I was there."

"No, you would have cut my eyes out."

Grimmjow laughed.

"Its not funny!" Kira struggled against him.

The man sighed and held onto her for the principle of it.

"Not all of us can survive a big fight. Some of us have to get it over and done with quickly or we will die. I'm not you but it doesn't mean I'm not strong or capable."

"Bah." Grimmjow threw her arm back at her. "Get your shit organised and get out of my hair."

Kira watched him slip out of the room and quickly folded herself into Hana's arms. She had never seen death before. She had never had to decide who lived and who didn't. She had never thought about what she would do if she was attacked.

And now she had done it all at once. She had killed a man.

"I killed a man." Kira said into her maid's shoulder. "I…killed him."

"Shh…I know." Hana rubbed the girl's back.

"I didn't know what else to do. But I still killed him."

"He was going to hurt you." The woman said quietly. "You had no choice. You did what you had to."

"How do I know I didn't have another choice? There had to be another way…"

"If there had been you would have done it. Instead you ended it quickly and deftly and he didn't suffer."

Kira felt a sob escape her. She was in a huge state of shock.

She had wanted a different life. A life that was full of unexpected twists and turns and adventures.

And now she had it.

Later that evening, as the sun was setting, Kira stood on the balcony and watched the night seep closer. Was that all there was? Brief moments quickly turned into red, then complete black?

The first star slowly made itself visible and the young woman watched it. In her life it would never be completely black. Her heart was heavy and her throat tight, she had nearly been killed that day and instead she had turned the blade on her attacker.

She had ended the life of someone. Someone who might have brothers, sisters, a wife and kids…someone with a life and with feelings so strong that he felt he had no choice but to take drastic action. Would his face haunt her? Would he meet her on the other side?

Kira wondered how anyone could see her as a threat. And then she remembered the feeling as the blade pressed into the man; everyone had the capacity to defend themselves, and everyone could kill. But she, she could take down a nation. Her marriage could start a civil war if the emperor's approval of the matter wasn't believed.

The young woman exhaled and turned to the room behind her.

"I see you can't handle the power behind taking a life." Grimmjow hissed lowly as he entered the room.

"Don't say its pathetic. I might not be perfect in your view, but I am not nothing."

Grimmjow scoffed. "If I wanted a warrior princess wife then I would have found myself one."

"If I wanted a dictator I would be one."

"Ha!"

Kira slid the doors shut behind her. "Don't worry; you can kill all the men who stand in your way. You can kill all those who threaten your ego. I won't judge you, its part of who you are. You are the strongest, toughest, roughest beast out there and you're going to have people believe otherwise and try to challenge you. I believe it. I might have been able to kill someone who tried to kill me, but I wouldn't every do it to anyone else. If there was another option, I would take it. Its not pacifism, its me. So please, don't go calling me pathetic for living my life to my values because I don't think you're an asshole for living your life to yours. You will never be anyone other than Grimmjow, and you know I am never going to be anyone other than Kira. Just, know that I am now part of your life and whoever threatens me, threatens you."

"Are you trying to tell me to be your body-guard? You can go to hell."

"No." Kira touched his arm. "I'm telling you to be my husband. Be my friend. Eventually, maybe, be my lover."

She looked up at him honestly and he stared down at her roughly. "If you hadn't killed him then I would have killed you for not doing it."

Kira nodded.

"And if he had killed you then I would have hung his mangy corpse out to dry."

Kira smiled then frowned at the smile. "That's disgusting, but…somehow flattering."

Grimmjow grunted. "Killing him wouldn't be revenge, it would just be fun."

"Okay, now just disturbing. Could you at least be clean about it?"

"No. He'll get what he deserves for trespassing, for threatening me and for putting his pathetic feet into my house."

The young woman sighed and stretched up. "Fine. Hack and slash to your hearts content. I found my method a bit drawn out and would do it faster if possible. But sure, go ahead and get blood on everything."

"Nice that you finally started shutting up about your distress at your blooding."

"No, it was distressing." Kira acknowledged. "And you will be hearing more about it later."

Grimmjow rolled his neck and growled in warning.

The young woman nodded silently and slipped into bed. Her husband growled again.

"I'll sleep in the corner." Kira said quietly.

"You bloody better."

* * *

><p><p>

_I am a terrible person. I'm sorry I haven't posted; nothing could prepare me for how busy my week was… long story short … life tends to sucker-punch me in the face all the time. And I mean all the time. As soon as one thing starts to go right another goes wrong. All you can do is laugh. _

_Anyway. The chapter is out now and I really hope you're happy with it. _

_Let me know what you honestly thought. _

_Thanks for reading. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	9. Chapter 7

_"The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself." _

- _W.S Maugham_

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 7**

It was a hazy morning, the kind with fog and frosty dew coated grass. The house was filling slowly with autumn light and the horses began to snort hello to the stable-boys.

Kira half woke up and shifted sleepily. She was warm and comfortable and had absolutely no reason to get out of bed; it was one of the greatest feelings on earth. The young woman moved gently and found her forehead and nose touching against a warm skin. Kira blinked and searched the shapes in front of her.

Grimmjow was asleep on his back, an arm behind his head and his face turned away. His wife had curled the top of her back around his shoulder and found her face against his neck. The rest of her slid down beside him, wedged between a body and falling to the floor. Grimmjow had taken up most of the bed and would probably always do that.

Kira lifted her shoulders up out of bed and looked down at the sleeping figure beside her. He looked just the same as he did if he was awake; the man was never-changing. The only part of him that ever seemed to alter was his own personal evolution, and even then Kira had hardly known him for long and hadn't seen any notable progression. Though, that was likely the point. If you're with someone as they evolve you don't notice it because of how gradual it is.

The young woman lay back down and turned over. A heavy shifting prevented her from closing her eyes again and the weight of an arm startled her slightly. Grimmjow slid his hand under her ribcage and pulled her right up against his body. Kira felt herself stiffen at the unexpected movement.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw that her husband was still asleep. His hold didn't feel protective, but rather dominating. One day maybe it would be the former, but right now it wasn't out of love. He seemed to be claiming her in his sleep. Kira knew she might be, to him, a belonging like one of his horses. And she hoped that it wasn't the case.

The young woman put her hand on his arm and settled back down. Maybe how they woke up was a sign of something subconscious? Maybe having him let her be so close in sleep was a signal of some sort?

Or maybe I was just how they naturally interacted, not quite touching but there in the other's life?

Kira didn't know. No one wrote about these kinds of things, and even if they did, she wouldn't read about it. It had to be learnt and progressed.

Nothing was certain. Especially with Grimmjow.

Kira relaxed for a moment and remembered that her husband did not ever want to be woken up. Ever. For someone as relaxed and blasé as Grimmjow seemed to be, he was very picky about certain topics. It was nearly comical. Nearly. It would be comical if he wouldn't actually reach down your throat and pull your voice-box up for mentioning it.

Even then…those traits could be endearing. Maybe. Kira frowned. Yeah, maybe. She didn't know if that made her a sadist or not but she'd cross that bridge if she ever had to.

At that current moment they were very close. But there was a distance separating them. Kira felt saddened by it and didn't quite know why. They were physically intimate but there wasn't much in the way of anything else. And the young woman didn't like it; it was too emotionally connected to be simply physical. And, hopefully, it would grow. At least into more than indifference on Grimmjow's part.

Kira suddenly realised that something in the room had changed. She tensed up and lifted her head. She squinted curiously at the figure at the door. Its nose slipped through first, followed by a little hairy body and feet dried over with mud.

The young woman stared at the dog and started to sit up. Her husband growled deeply. The dog dropped its tail for a moment before stepping into the room.

"Grimmjow, do we have a dog?"

The reply was another growl.

"There's a dog in the room. A dirty dog with long legs." Kira watched the animal walk up carefully and take its place at Grimmjow's side of the bed.

The man opened his eyes when it growled at him. He groaned and turned his head the other way. He half woke up, let his wife go and pushed her away. Kira managed not to topple over the side of the bed and managed to grasp a handful of blanket just as the door opened fully.

One of the cooks scurried into the room and waved at the dog. It looked up at the man and vanished past him into the house. The cook bowed in apology and slipped out, closing the door.

He was then heard yelling at the animal and chasing it out of the house.

Kira sat up and stared at the door for a while. What an odd animal, coming into the main room on the second story like that. Maybe it had smelt something up there, but surely the kitchen was more interesting to a stray?

And then the young woman went back to the moment when she had first realised that there was something coming into the room. It had felt threatening and huge, not at all like what had entered. That was what she was surprised at more so than a mangy dog entering her room.

Grimmjow was awake now and shifting around.

"Most houses have rat problems…yours seem to be bigger."

The man grumbled. "Shut up. Find your own room. Go away."

Kira leant against the headboard. "Uhuh."

He looked at her.

She smiled warmly.

Grimmjow moved very quickly and very forcefully and Kira soon found his face inches from hers. She started and hit her head against the headboard and reached up to touch the abused area with her fingers. Grimmjow latched onto her wrist and forced it up near her shoulder.

"You're hurting me." Kira said plainly.

He didn't let go.

"Grimmjow. Ow…" She tried to pull her hand away from his grip. "You're hurting me."

He let her go quickly. Kira touched the back of her head and closed her eyes briefly. When she looked out again her husband was still there.

"What did I tell you about waking me?"

"Sadistic things."

"Huh." The man was propped up with one arm over her and the other down his side.

Kira bit her lip for a still moment. "You held me this morning. A bit tightly but…"

"You're part of this house now. I will do with you as I wish."

"I don't think you believe that. It's been just over a week now. You've been going to the barracks and then you come back."

"Because it's my house, brat. I don't sleep with the half-wit soldiers."

Kira nodded. "If you ever…care…you'll never say it, will you?"

"I won't care."

His breath was hot in her face. "I don't believe that."

The man growled and rolled his eyes. Kira touched his face gently and traced the ridge under his cheekbone. Her hand was swatted away deftly. Grimmjow stared her in the eye.

"Don't push it, brat." He said flatly. "And don't cross your fingers and hold your breath. Actually, do that. Go do it somewhere other than in this room."

"Grimmjow, you can't dismiss me. I am a human being and your wife. I will decide where I go."

"If you get in my way there won't be any of you left to go anywhere."

Kira nodded. "I know." But she didn't think he would do anything. It would be terrifying, but if he had wanted to discard her then he would have. There was not reason to hang onto her. Kicking her out would be easy. Especially during the colder months because she didn't know the countryside and would freeze to death as night took her in.

0

Kira wrapped a long coat around herself and ventured out into the main courtyard. Men were bustling around, horses were stamping their feet and a handful of servants and stableboys waited for instructions. Grimmjow was telling a man, or rather ordering him, to move out.

It was a day for riding and tactics. No one could put the man in charge behind a desk and he sure as hell wouldn't stay there if they did.

Kira watched happily at the activity. She would have loved to saddle up and ride out too, but she didn't know how; that adventure was reserved for men.

The young woman paused briefly at a peculiar sight. The dog from before, the mangy animal, was standing at the open gate. Watching. There was something really weird about it. Something odd about how the horses danced slightly when they went near.

The young woman slipped into the kitchen in search of the cook before. She found him in the cellar looking at jars of preserved fruits.

"Sorry to bother you" she started "but that dog from before, is it yours?"

The man started and turned sharply. A jar tumbled to the floor and shattered. He looked at the woman and then at the mess. "I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."

"Its okay. From what I can tell there are plenty more." She smiled encouragingly. "But your dog is at the gate. Its startling the horses a bit. Its weird…the animal isn't even barking. It's a bit thin too, you could…"

The way the cook was staring at her made Kira start to rethink her opinion.

"Its not your dog?"

"No. No, its not my dog." He bent down nervously and began to pick pieces of glass up from the floor and place them in his apron. "I'm sorry about this morning, ma'am. The creature just slipped straight past."

"The creature?" Kira laughed slightly. "Its okay. It was just a dog."

The man seemed a bit awkward for a moment. It prompted the young woman to curiosity.

"It's a frequent visitor? Is it dangerous?"

"Well…"

"You can tell me. I won't be angry with you." Kira smiled encouragingly. Promoting a good relationship with the house staff was going to be important in trying to keep her peculiar interests on the down low.

"Well, I'm sure you know that you have different…well, your eyes are a different colour. And its because of the Shinigami." He stood up and anxiously waved his hand behind his ear.

"Well, that's the theory."

"Shinigami are on the earth because of creatures like…that dog. Only you, I and the master can see it. I was…I was hired by the Admiral because he also see's them, he see's them follow his son around."

"Wait…its an invisible dog? And there are more of them?"

"No. I don't know what the word for them is, but they…hunt creatures with high spiritual presence. Since I was a boy I've been able to see spirits, but only since I started working at this house have I noticed how the bad ones go after others. They need their power."

"So this…possessed dog wants to…eat me?"

"S…sorry. I know this seems bizarre. I can tell by the expression on your face that you…that you..."

"No, please continue. Don't mind what my expression looks like."

"Well, the dog…the creature, it cant…devour your power right now."

"Why?"

"You….need to be dead."

"It has a while to wait. I'm young and healthy."

"…well…you are high on the most-likely-to-be-assassinated-list."

Kira nodded. "So its like a circling vulture?"

"This…" The man fidgeted "doesn't sound crazy to you?"

"Hey, I grew up being told that a Shinigami saved my life and I got green eyes. So my having some sort of spiritual presence is conceivable…but you and my husband?"

"Some people are born with it, some inherit it…like you. The master has always had them around. No soul is the same. Maybe when he passes on he'll become a Shinigami and get rid of the bad creatures."

Kira raised her eyebrows ironically. "I don't think he'll become a Shinigami."  
>"You think he'll become the other…things?"<p>

"I don't know." Kira rubbed her elbow as the conversation drew to an end. "I don't even know how this works, if it works."

"Yes, ma'am."

Kira started to walk away but stopped at the door. "Shinigami and…things, huh?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Amazing." She smiled.

Kira quickly moved back into the kitchen with a perplexed, amused expression on her face. Weird children's fairy tales and a cook with a social disorder. This was an interesting place to be.

The young woman moved back into the courtyard and watched her husband mount up. He looked over the area briefly and she lifted a hand as his eyes slid past her. He nodded once and turned his big white horse around sharply before galloping right out the gates.

Kira watched his men follow quickly and as the dust settled she saw the mangy dog standing in the gateway. It stared at her and she watched it carefully.

Hana came up beside her friend. "What are you doing out here in the cold?"

"Do you see that dog?"

"What dog?"

"The one in the gate way?"

Hana looked out and then squinted briefly. "What dog? You must be seeing things."

"Look harder." Kira kept her eyes on the animal.

"There isn't anything there. The horses scared off every living thing within a mile radius. Come inside before you freeze."

The young woman followed her nurse inside and frowned. "Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing. Please, make some tea."

"Where would you like it?"

"The study."

Hana found the girl ten minutes later in the vast room. She had a small collection of books nearby and had curled herself up at the low table.

"What are you reading?" The nurse set the tea tray down and let her eyes wander over the covers. "Gods and religion, Spirits, Mythology…" Hana clicked her tongue. "Is this your new obsession?"

"Not an obsession. A curious following." Kira opened the first book. "Besides, I have only heard what mother told me about my sickness and the gods that were supposed to have intervened. I've never seen them so I've never believed they existed."

"Of course they exist. Do you think they would let you see them? They are Shinigami, death gods. They aren't here to be seen, they're here so you don't see what they protect you from."

"What are you talking about?" Kira closed her recently opened book.

"Its just stories from my grandmother. The Shinigami fight bad spirits so that they don't take those of our passed ancestors. They also guide the lost souls off earth. They aren't here for you. They deal with death."

"Or a different life." Kira pondered silently for a moment.

Hana smiled. "Have fun."

The young woman grinned and spoke as the woman left. "Do you think I could be a Shinigami?"

"I hope not. I hope you rest in peace and aren't concerned with the unseen wars of this world."

"Whatever the war is, wherever it is, we all fight in it. We just don't get to choose the side we're born on."

"Maybe you should read novels more."

Kira laughed. "Maybe I do."

0

The sun went down earlier that evening and the chill brushed through the house easier. Kira poked the fire in the main bedroom with a prong and sat on a cushion in front of it. It was dark and Grimmjow hadn't come home.

"He'll come." Hana said from the doorway. "You're concerned for him already."

"No." The young woman straightened her back. "No, I am concerned for who he might be with."

"The officers surely take drinks together. Warm sake on a cold night."

"Its not the officers." Kira watched her friend sit beside her. She folded her hands in her lap. "I don't want to be…disappointing with my company."

"If a man like that wanted other company he wouldn't do it away from home. He wouldn't care if you knew."

"I just…I want to fall in love with this person but he is a difficult person to love."

"Or to like."

Kira nodded. "I want to trust him not to hurt me or cast me aside, to change the way I want to go simply because its near where he wants to go."

"You will find a way to carve a new way if that happens."

The young woman pulled the pins from her hair gently and placed them in her lap. "The world seems like a more…in depth place than it ever did." She paused for a while. "Do you believe in Shinigami, Hana?"

The older woman blinked. "Well, I believe something intervened when you were a child. Have you ever seen anyone else other than the blind possess anything but dark eyes? You could have ended up with a milky film but instead they became green. The doctors who kept an eye on you as a child could never explain it. So…I believe in something."

"I think divine intervention might exist."

"And for those who are suffering in the cold tonight? Who intervenes for them?"

"Maybe they are happier in ways I will never know. Maybe they have more of something exceptional. I don't know. But I'm starting to think that what happens in this life influences what happens in the next. Maybe the Shinigami, or whatever there is, were once human and their souls were different to the rest, not in value but in format. And maybe its just as easy to be corrupted and brought down once you're dead than it is when you're alive, even if you crawl back up to consciousness you still were something that people will always see as a monster. But you're not, you've just been unlucky. The people in the cold might be similar, they will always be seen as poor even if they become rich."

Hana sighed. "Oh, Kira. You should have been born a man."

"Nah. Then I wouldn't be inspired." The girl smiled and stood up, her hairpins in her palm.

The clatter of hooves floated up from downstairs. Kira's face brightened for a brief moment.

"See" Hana said as she rose to her feet "He has come back."

"Not for me. Never for me. But he is back." The young woman opened the door to the balcony and felt the cold air blow against her face.

Paper lamps were held aloft by soldiers and servants as steaming horses were unsaddled and led to a warm stable. Grimmjow was already pulling at the knots that held his armour together. Kira watched him look up at the balcony. He saw her standing there and stepped forward. A small object slid off his belt and was tossed carelessly up.

Kira leant back as the dark piece flew up in front of her face. She dropped her hair pins as she caught it. The young woman leant over the railing. "It is for me?" It was nicely heavy and chilled.

"Go inside before you freeze your arse off. Its no use if your dead." Was the harsh reply. "And what the hell did you drop?"

"Hair pins." Was the light reply.

The man shook his head. "Bugger off." He'd had enough for the moment.

The young woman stepped back and slid the door shut in front of her face. She had the object pressed to her chest and lifted it up so she could see it. Kira peered at a gold hilt and the detailed leather sheath of a dagger.

She pulled the knife out and saw that it too was gold. The image of a horse head was carved into the base of the blade and the rest was smooth and sharp.

Grimmjow arrived in the room without much of an entrance. He dropped his armour into Hana's un-expecting arms, followed shortly by his under shirt. "Out." He said to the woman.

Kira looked at her husband. "A knife? Most men give necklaces, bracelets…"

"Don't complain. It's not a gift." He wandered into the bathroom where a bowl of warm water was waiting.

His wife continued to clutch the object. "I know there will be more attempts like the other one but…"

"Shut up." Was the muffled reply. Grimmjow splashed his face. "I left you here with no men except a few servants and you think you could handle whatever came after you?"

"Well…I didn't think about it."

"Yeah, didn't think so." The man towelled his face. "Your little arms couldn't handle a real sword and I cant handle having to give you instruction on how to use one. So this is what you get."

"I still want to learn how to use a sword."

"Csh." Grimmjow stood right in front of her.

Kira looked up at him. "You trust me enough to stand so close when I'm armed?"

The man laughed. "Like you would even get the chance, even at this range."

"Could you be the devil?" She said with a smile. "Or is that too generous?"

Grimmjow gripped her hand and easily took the blade from her. "You might have a quick tongue, but its not a weapon."

"I thought you would just let me die if someone came for my life."

"I would. But now you won't just let yourself die. So if you do you cant blame anyone but your own pathetic-ness."

Kira watched him step away and place the knife on the bedside. "Thank you." She nodded. "And I'm not as pathetic as you think."

"You're still pathetic." He turned around.

The young woman shrugged. "Not for too much longer, I hope. I won't be devoured."

Grimmjow said nothing as he gathered a shirt from a drawer nearby.

"You saw the dog this morning? You've seen it before?"

"Dog?" The man growled. "It's a runt. There are bigger."

"How big?"

"As tall as buildings." He said roughly.

Kira was silent. "They didn't attack you?"

"Like they'd dare."

The girl slid the shirt from the man's hands and unfolded it. She opened it so the front was facing herself and offered him the sleeve. Kira half expected him to just get a whole new garment. Instead, Grimmjow watched her for a brief moment before letting her help him. The young woman waited for both arms to be sleeved before lifting the collar to its place on her husband's neck. She only looked into his face for a second.

"I thought you might have gone out with the men to see some…women."

"Maybe we did." He replied wickedly.

"No you didn't." Kira said. "But you didn't come home to spend time with me."

"Sure as hell didn't."

"Then why are you here?" She slid her hands down the sides of the shirt and wrapped them over her husband's chest.

"Like I've said before, this is my space."

"Did you pee on it or something?"

He grumbled. "Don't get smart."

"You should get something to eat. There's duck downstairs."

"You didn't wait to eat?"He raised an eyebrow at her.

Kira shook her head. "No. I thought it might piss you off. Two can play at that game."

"Don't expect to win."

"Hey, I'll give it my best." She replied. "And you don't piss me off nearly as much as you think you do." She hoped it was mutual but doubted it.

Grimmjow scoffed. "Csh, Brat. You have no idea what you've married into."

Kira smiled. "I can deal with that."

His hand traced a line down the artery in her neck. "It doesn't matter that you're a woman. I'll beat you up if you cross me."

"This isn't politics, Grimmjow."

"I cut the vein under my fingers…" he pressed down on her pulse "and you bleed to death."

"I know." She said quietly.

"I hold here…" his hand touched the front of her throat "and your windpipe gets crushed."

Kira nodded. She stood very still as his palm found its way to the top of her skull.

"Here…one day I could crush your skull with my hand. But for now the nearest solid object will have to aid me."

The young woman closed her eyes and felt the weight of his hand disappear and the presence of his breath wander past her ear.

"So don't pretend to play house when this isn't a game."

Kira kissed the corner of his jaw and heard him growl. "This isn't a game, you're right. It never was. But it doesn't mean you can't enjoy it."

She felt his mouth on hers and got a small fright. She wanted to appreciate him, respect him even, and she wanted him to do the same. And not for a little while longer would she realise that he would never, ever do it in a way that was apparent. He would always seem selfish, brash, brutish, vicious and apathetic.

And he always would be.

But behind all that, behind all of every living thing, was a soul. And his was bigger and stronger and more powerful than anyone yet realised.

* * *

><p><em>Why has it taken me so long to post? <em>_One word: Exams. _

_So many exams. So little sleep. And then the one day I took off study and work I ended up coming off a horse. Got the weirdest injury ever – missing eyelashes. Read about it on my tumblr (peterpauper dot tumblr dot com). You can ask me whatever there as well; I've enabled anonymous posts. _

_Anyway. If you're reading please be reviewing! Your input helps a lot and I really appreciate all of it.  
>Adios Amegos, I have a bit of breathing space so the next post should be up soon. Keep an eye out. <em>

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	10. Chapter 8

_ "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies insude us while we life." _

- Norman Cousins

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 8**

"So what do I do when they come at me?"

"What do you think?"

"Come at me."

Grimmjow crossed his arms.

"Come at me." Kira stood in the middle of the main living area with her little dagger. "I can take you."

The man scoffed and waved a hand at her before beginning to move off.

"Hey! What am I supposed to do when someone tries to abduct me?"

"Who's going to abduct your pathetic ass?"

"Someone who wants to piss yours off." Kira nearly flinched at the look he gave her. "Please?"

"No."

"Fine, have it your way." She threw the weapon at him. It smacked into his shoulder before clattering to the ground.

Grimmjow bent down silently and picked it up. He drew the blade from its sheath and stood. He watched his wife very carefully. She had her arms crossed and looked rather annoyed. Kira had been trying to get him to show her something basic in the way of defense in case she got attacked again. She didn't want to have to watch someone die again, but if they had to she didn't want them to know it until they had reached the other side. It had to be very quick and she had to do it just as fast; before anyone could overpower her.

Grimmjow took two steps across the room and had the woman by the arm in one hand and the blade in his other. The metal pressed against her collarbone and he smiled wickedly.

Kira turned her gaze up from the dagger to his face. "Is this a weird way of saying yes? Because I feel very light headed."

"There's no blood. Yet." His voice was rough and teasing. "You wanted to know how to get out of this situation. So…improvise."

Kira raised her knee quickly. Grimmjow was quicker. He moved himself quickly and used an ankle to unbalance the girl. She started to stumble sideways and he used the movement to spin her so that her back was against his chest and the knife at the base of her throat.

Kira exhaled.

The man laughed lowly. "Come on, Brat. Aren't you afraid I'll hurt you?"

The young woman shook her head. "No." Her tone was honest. "I mean…not unless it's going to help me not to get killed in the future."

The man scoffed and let her go. Kira let her fingers touch the skin that had been under the sharp edge of the knife. Grimmjow sheathed the weapon and handed it to her.

"I still don't know what to do." She took it from him.

"Then you'll die." He started to leave.

"Wait." Kira stepped after her husband. "I might need this to survive."

"You do need this to survive." He replied flatly. "And I don't give a rats-ass if you don't use it."

"Yes you do."

"Shut the fuck up." He growled.

Kira shook her head. Grimmjow sighed lengthily and rolled his eyes as he turned away.

"Don't get killed." He hissed over his shoulder as he left the room.

The young woman nodded. "You first."

The door shut, leaving Kira in silence with her blade. She drew it out and held it in front of her face. It was beautiful and deadly; two things that didn't seem like they should go together…but they did. The young woman turned to the door that led to the garden; it stood open and in its frame sat the mangy dog. Kira held the knife down and cocked her head slightly at it. The creature did the same. For the first time she noticed something unearthly about it – a hole, small and covered by matted hair, sat in one of the dog-like ears. It was too perfectly shaped to be an injury and too odd in aura to be a characteristic dent.

"Why aren't you with all the other dearly departed?" Kira said quietly. "What got to you first? Was it of your own doing? Who were you before?"

The animal stood up and growled lowly.

"You can't get me. And I know that you won't get me when I'm dead. If anything, I'll get you." She said cockily before stopping herself and taking on an awkwardness. "I mean…maybe? I might be saying that because I'm holding a knife. I'm also talking to something only three people in this whole area can see. But…no, you don't get to beat me. I get to be stronger than you."

The dog watched her for a very long silent moment before dropping its ears and posture. It seemed to acknowledge something but before Kira could wonder about it, the animal fled. It had suddenly looked up and to the side, out the door, and high-tailed it through the garden.

The cook was quickly at the door from the house. He was sure of himself, not stuttering. "Do you feel it?"

"Yes." The young woman looked out the door. "What is it?"

"A bigger one."

"Bigger?"

"Not physically, but in…presence. In power."

"Why are they here?" She turned to the man with a question on her face.

He didn't seem too concerned about it at that point. "I do not know. But they are not after you. I have never seen one go after a living soul."

"Not yet. Maybe they'll get strong enough to do it one day."

"Maybe. But not now. They are not evolved enough, and hopefully they never will get to that stage."

Kira walked up to the man and the house. "You came to find me, why?"

The cook seemed to lose his intellectual character and became socially awkward again. "I…I just wanted to make sure that…that you didn't get the…the wrong idea about these creatures."  
>"What idea?"<p>

"Some believe them to be soulless."

"But they aren't, are they?"

"I…I don't know. But I don't think they have no soul. I think…I think they are just fighting to find it again."

Kira smiled gently. "Thank you, cook."

"Yes…yes." He nodded.

The young woman put a hand on his forearm. "Relax. You can talk to me about these things. I am actually interested."

"Yes…yes, ma'am."

"Whenever you feel comfortable. I'm usually in the study."

"Th…thank you." The man nodded again as the young woman passed him and disappeared into the house.

Kira ascended the stairs to her room with a small frown on her face. She could feel something in the air but not fully. She wondered if Grimmjow could feel it to, and if he would be okay with whatever it was being out there. There had not been such…things in the city. Not that she had noticed.

The young woman glanced at the blade in her hand and realized it had been unsheathed the whole time. She quickly returned the blade to its hiding place and set it on a dresser.

Things quickly fell silent.

0

Kira spent most of the morning in the study working on her calligraphy. She had found a small book of poetry and wanted to copy it. Copying helped her remember. Hana came and went with empty tea-pots and heated blankets.  
>The large house was drafty through the wings, not so much in the kitchen but the study did catch quite a cool wind. It did have a fireplace but Kira didn't want to waste the wood on just one person in such a large room.<p>

The sun hit its mid point when the young woman rose and ventured into the garden. She didn't want to admit it, but it was a bit lonely in the country. It would be nice to go out and meet the families of nearby estates, maybe even go to the village and visit the tailor, go with the cook to get fresh food.

It was quiet. Kira found that her thoughts had more room to move and it was nice, but there wasn't anyone to share them with. Grimmjow listened…sort of. The young woman didn't know if what she said meant anything to him, or even if she did. The marriage gave him a huge political advantage. He was already powerful but now he was within the elite. The small minority. And…she was just a woman.

No matter how much she wanted more, she would always be a female in a male dominated society. Her thoughts wouldn't mean anything to them, but they were special to her. And that mattered. That was enough.

Kira smiled quietly to herself. She now had the ability to discover what she wanted, maybe even go where she wanted to go.

The young woman was so lost within this thought that she didn't notice how still it was. She didn't notice how far she had wandered from the house. She did come to when the cold blew through her clothes. And then the voice.

"Hello, dear." It was a deep voice.

The girl froze.

"You have drifted far from home. Dangerous for a woman of your stature."

Kira turned to the voice and saw a man wearing dark clothes. He had a scraggly beard and a red lined robe. Other men surrounded.

"Can I help you?" The young woman felt her heart rate speed up.

"Yes, yes you can." The man said easily.

"You are trespassing, sir. I do not think my husband would like you on his land."

"Oh, I know he wouldn't."

Kira stepped back slowly. "Who are you?"

"I am the leader of a resistance movement."

"Resistance to what?"

"To a union that could disrupt everything that this fine nation stands for. How could the emperor allow it? Did you bribe him? Threaten him? Blackmail him."

Kira let her hand fall to her hip. It was empty. Her eyes glanced up to the house where the knife lay on a dresser in the main room. "What do you want?"

"To disrupt what has been put into motion." The man nodded and those around him advanced.

The young woman watched them with wide-eyes as she backed away. She knew this wasn't good, but it was very different to how it had felt when the man had attacked her in the kitchen that day. It was darker. It felt more sinister.

"Don't resist, dear. That will make it worse."

Kira felt the hand of one man wrap around her arm. She pulled back sharply and stepped quickly away. "What do you think you'll achieve? If you want me dead then kill me."

The man laughed. It was thin and airy. "We don't want you dead. Like I mentioned before, we want to disrupt what is in motion. We want your husband to know who he is messing with if he tries anything. He should get a taste of the consequences."

"The consequences?" Kira felt the ground was cold under her feet as she was held by the arm again. She pulled away and this time got a backhand across the face. The young woman stumbled sideways before being struck again. Her hands buried into the grass and she felt a sharp stinging across her cheek.

Hands grabbed her arms and lifted her to her feet. Her lip was bleeding and the leader of the group looked quite pleased.

"The consequences, Kira." He folded his arms. "I will take from him what he thinks will give him the most power."

The young woman struggled but couldn't get free. "Hey! No! You cannot take me." They were forcing her in the direction of the property line. Kira opened her mouth to scream, not for fear though she was afraid, but to raise the attention of the house.

"And no." The man clamped his hand over her mouth.

Kira bit him as hard as she could and pulled against those what were holding her. The man in the red robe swore and struck her. The young woman felt a force strike the back of her head and dropped to her knees. The world spun and the last thing she could really think about was that it had all happened too quickly. That she hadn't been fast enough. Like the last time it had all come out of nowhere and escalated quickly, but this time was much more serious.

The young woman came to in the back of a small cart with her hands bound behind her back and her shoulder bent awkwardly against the floor of the vehicle. The man in the red robe was on a horse behind the cart.

"Welcome back." He said with a smile.

Kira blinked. "Shit." She was very cold. Everyone else had a coat on and she was just dressed in her day clothes, her house clothes. They were travelling in the shade, under the cover of a few sparsely located trees.

"Does your head hurt?" The man said with humor.

"How's the hand?"

He thinned his eyes at her. "You'll pay for that."

"My husband is going to notice I'm gone."

"That is the point."

"Don't expect him to come. He isn't that sort of man. If I can't survive then I don't deserve to survive."

"We're not going to kill you, dear."

Kira flinched as the cart went over a bump. The vehicle began to slow and the young woman noticed that the branches overhead became closer. And then realization slid over the girl. They weren't going to kill her and they didn't care if he came. This wasn't about this generation of the family. This was about ensuring that doubt was put on the next.

Kira felt the blood drain from her face. The man in the red robe dropped from his horse and the young woman shifted as best she could. She managed to get her back up against the back of the cart and forced herself upright.

"You stay away from me." She eyed the man.

"Ah. Now you're getting the point. Your husband and parents like the idea of a child made with the blood of both your families."

"I'm not planning on having a child any time soon."

"No, no, neither am I. I am planning on destroying the chances of your husband ever wanting anything to do with you. This whole union thing…it's a moot point if he won't touch you."

Kira flinched again as a pain shot up the back of her head.

"Yeah, that's going to hurt for a while. The bruises on your face are quite charming to. You can tell your husband that you fell down the stairs, but he'll work it out."

"He'll rip you to pieces." Kira tried to move further back as the red-robed man climbed onto the cart and stood over her. She felt very light, very detached. "I will rip you to pieces."

The man laughed.

"And your men! How can they come willingly?" Knowing what they were planning…the young woman wanted to throw up.

Red-robe laughed again. "Take a guess." He knelt down in front of the young woman. She was vulnerable, cold, hurting and alone. And she was terrified.

"Don't you touch me." Kira spat in his face. "Don't you dare…"

The man forced his mouth on hers. Apparently he hadn't learnt his lesson because the young woman bit him hard enough to draw blood. He hit her once more and watched the young woman fall on her shoulder in the back of the cart.

"You've got some fight. Good." He grinned.

She wished she could stop it. She wished so hard that they would stop. That she could be capable enough not to let something like this happen to her.

Kira wept bitterly.

0

It was pitch black when a cart pulled by a single old horse pulled into Grimmjow's estate. The stable boy came out with a lamp and looked at the peculiar sight. He stopped the animal and looked over the side of the vehicle to see what was in it.

The boy dropped his lantern and startled the horse. It pranced sideways when he yelled to the house. The main door opened a moment later and Hana hurried down the stairs.

"Is it her?" She looked at the cart. Her expression stopped dead.

The stable boy looked at his feet.

"Oh…" Hana raised her hands to her face. "Oh no…" She scurried to the back of the cart and grabbed the fallen lantern on her way. She set the light on the back corner and gasped when she saw the person on the back corner of the wooden structure.

Kira's clothes were ripped up the sleeves, around her shoulders and up her legs. The young woman was staring at the wood right in front of her face, breathing shallowly and shivering in the cold. There was a bruise over the girl's jaw and cheekbone, her lip was split and there was a cut over the bridge of her nose. She smelled vacant and there was dirt and blood under her fingernails.

"Quick! Get her into the house."

Hana was pushed aside by a rough force. Grimmjow climbed up and crouched in front of his wife. He lifted her chin with his fingers and growled viciously. He picked the young woman up and jumped off the cart. The lights in the kitchen had gone on and the door was open.

Kira was put on the cleared main bench as someone galloped a horse out to fetch a doctor. It was warm in the room but she still shivered. Her lips were blue and her eyes rimmed red.

Grimmjow prowled back and forth as Hana leapt to the side of her friend. The man slammed his fist against the wall and yelled.

"Who was it?" He said harshly in Kira's face. "Who attacked you?"

The young woman didn't say anything.

Grimmjow scowled at her but his expression quickly changed. His eyes caught a glimpse of color in her palm and he pried her hand open to get whatever she was holding. A strip of rich red fabric was lifted to the light and the man of the house swore viciously.

"Get my horse." He yelled.

Hana turned to him. "You must calm down for her. She's been through a lot."  
>"She'll get over it."<p>

"Grimmjow…"

He stopped dead on his way out the door. A moment of hideous clarity hit him and he looked at his wife. "Like hell they did."

"I don't…she can handle bruises and cold. But robbery and violation…She really valued…"

"Shut up." Grimmjow spat. "I'm going out."

"She needs you here."

"Well I need something else now."

Hana exhaled sadly. Grimmjow slammed the door shut behind him. Moments later a horse could be heard galloping away.

The woman turned to Kira. A tear slid from the young woman's eye and down her temple. It buried itself in her hair. They hadn't just hurt her; they had potentially damaged everything she had ever wanted beyond repair.

"Oh, Kira…" Hana clasped her hands over the girl's cold fingers. "I am so sorry."

The doctor arrived promptly and saw to the young woman. He was very quiet and he seemed very sad. They had moved her to the main room and run a hot bath. Tea had been made and a fire was burning against the far wall.

Hana saw the doctor outside the room and asked a question with her face.

"She needs to rest. No doubt this has been very traumatizing. Her wounds will heal with time." There was a long, long silence. "If she later finds out that she is with child…then I will come back and hopefully determine…the time of conception."

The woman closed her eyes and felt like someone had hit her in the chest.

The doctor looked at his feet. "But in my experience, this attack isn't to produce a child. They sometimes do but often don't. She has a strong power, just hope it is enough."

"You've seen this before?"

"Once. A while ago. Deal with what you can now."

"And her husband?"

"I cannot speak for him."

"What would you do?"

The man hesitated. "I don't know." He turned away. "You should bathe her. It will help her settle. There are splinters in her skin, wait for it to soften in the water before removing them with these."

Hana nodded silently and took a small pair of tweezers.

0

Kira felt herself guided into a warm bath. She noticed a warm hand on her back and a sharp stinging under her skin.

Hana saw a few splinters around her shoulder-blades and a couple in her arms. They were easy to get out. The ones in the young woman's hand were hard to find because of the swelling and redness that surrounded her palms.

Kira was still shivering.

"Come back to me." Hana said quietly. "You're safe now."

The young woman turned her head to the nurse. Her hair was damp and it stuck to her face and back. Her eyes closed and another tear slid past.

0

The following morning Kira sat on the balcony. She had still not said a word and Grimmjow had not come home.

She was looking at the room and not the view. The front of her hair was pinned back to a place just behind the top of her neck. It was held by an elegant comb. A pile of books lay in a tumbled heap nearby, they had been cast sideways. Pushed. Discarded. Hana had brought them in the hope that the girl would come back. But she didn't.

The figure didn't move. Kira was still as a statue. Drenched in some emotion so deep that it didn't even fully register on her face. All she did was sit tall and still.

And then something shattered slightly. She moved. The young woman's breath shuddered quietly as she exhailed. Her eyes stared straight forward, though all things physical, though flesh and blood and stone. They were flat and green as a precious emerald, trimmed with sadness and lined with a smooth thread of water. It slid down her cheek as her mouth trembled from grief, despair and mourning.

* * *

><p><em>Got to admit that I spent days debating about whether or not to change this chapter. But…I think it needs to be there. Kira's Espada soul was, in theory, shaped by her experiences. Her caution and silence around everyone but Grimmjow and a few others had to come from somewhere. <em>

_If you're reading then please be reviewing. Let me know what you thought. Constructive criticism welcome. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	11. Chapter 9

_"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." _

- _Anne Frank_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

Kira felt like she was drowning. All she wanted was to lay in bed, deep under the covers, and remain silent. She didn't eat or drink, she didn't sleep. It had been three days. Grimmjow wasn't back.

The young woman found herself in a cold bath. It had been warm a few hours ago, but now it was cold. Her skin stung and itched and was red raw from the scrubbing. She felt dirty and used. She felt like she had to remove all she was to become clean again. Like she had to scour her soul as it sat there, deflated, inside her chest.

The tips of her fingers were torn from holding onto the wash-brush so tight and the redness under her eyes had combined with dark circles.

It was light outside, maybe sometime in the afternoon, and the air was cold and clear and crisp. Kira felt herself slipping away. She retreated backwards and crumbled down. They had stripped her down to her most vulnerable state and then abused it.

Kira heard Hana arrive in the room with a tray. The nurse noticed that the young woman wasn't in bed, she wasn't sitting with a book. It was strange not seeing her there, smiling as she read or wrote. Odd not to see her leaning on the balcony and pondering, dreaming of horse riding or travelling a long distance by ship.

Hana put the tray down and ventured into the bathroom. Kira had her forehead against her knees which were brought up to her chest.

"Oh…my girl." The woman gathered a towel from nearby and opened it up. "Come."

Kira looked at her nurse and felt the bruising pain on her cheekbone. She swallowed and unfolded herself slowly. Hana held the towel open and gathered the young woman in it as she stepped out of the bath. Kira gripped the cloth closely and stood still as her friend petted her damp hair with a smaller towel.

"I'll get you a robe."

Kira nodded and remained where she was. Hana returned and offered her the sleeves of a warm garment, allowing the young woman to guide herself into it and drop the towel to the floor.

"Come now. It's a lovely day; you should sit in the sun."

Kira shook her head. She felt broken. She felt like she couldn't function. Like she was being held down by a huge force. She kept seeing the man's face. She kept feeling the despair she felt in the back of the cart.

The young woman padded into the room and stared at the bed. She hadn't been in it since the night before she was attacked. She had slept on a futon Hana had found in the cupboard. It was near the fireplace and on the far side of the room.

"Please say something, Kira." Hana took the hand of her friend. "You've hardly said a thing."

The young woman flinched at the touch and watched the nurse quickly loose her grip and examine her palm.

"Oh…"

Kira could see that she was trying not to try at the sight of her raw hands.

"Why would you do that?" Hana stared at the girl. "You shouldn't hurt yourself."

The young woman sat down at the table near the fireplace and stared at the flames. She held her hands in her lap and was silent.

The nurse lowered herself beside the girl. "Are you scared?"

Kira looked into her friend's eyes and didn't say anything.

"You're safe here. You're safe. You're here and you're warm and surrounded by good people."

The girl shook her head. "I cant know that." Kira's voice was small and husky and sounded alien. "I…" she trembled.

"Here." Hana held her close to her chest and put a hand on her back. She was relieved that Kira was talking, but sad to hear her tone.

"They…they…" The young woman closed her eyes tightly. "I couldn't…"

The nurse felt her heart contract at the sob that escaped the girl. "Shh….its okay now."

"Its not. It will never be okay." She wept and broke down.

"Easy, Kira. Grimmjow will be home soon and…"

Kira let out a small noise of grief at the man's name.

"Here, let's get you into bed. You need to rest." Hana moved them in the direction of the main bed.

The young woman shook her head. "No…not there."

The first time she had talked in days and all she could speak was fear and sadness. The older woman had never dealt with this situation before. She had never known anyone who had been raped, and she knew that Kira had never dreamed that anyone could do such a horrible thing.

"Why not there?" Hana settled back to comfort the girl.

"I…I'm not…I'm not…its where…" She leant back from the embrace and put a hand over her mouth. "Oh god."

The nurse reached out to touch Kira again.

The young woman pulled away. "Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Get out." She didn't look at her friend.

Hana didn't move.

"GET OUT!" Kira yelled. "Leave me alone!"

Seeing someone crack and crumble in such a way was devastating. It wasn't known whether she could be rebuilt or if she would become something else entirely.

Kira felt so guilty. She felt like she had the capability to prevent what had happened but that she hadn't utilised it. She felt like she had died. She wanted to die. She could have tried harder to get away. She remembered every detail painfully and it haunted her.

The life, the things she had worked for…they were different now. The same content, but she was different now. She could never go back to the way she had been.

Kira watched Hana slowly leave the room. She had believed that the moment she spoke that she wouldn't be able to stop, that everything would come gushing out. But the young woman couldn't bring herself to say what she felt. What would people think? What was she now?

The young woman crawled over to the small futon by the fire and disappeared under the covers. She lay there and stared at the wall and tried to become blank again. Kira felt like a husk. She tried to vanish. She wanted to feel clean again, clean and whole and valuable.

Instead, all that was left was despair and filth and vulnerability.

0

The sound of hooves on the courtyard lifted up as the sun went down. Kira stared at the wall and didn't move. She was scared. Grimmjow was home. She could hear him talking.

The young woman closed her eyes and clenched her teeth.

The sound of horses being led into the warmth of the stable caused her heart to speed up. The silence stretched out and time moved into infinity. The night she was found was a haze, she had been in deep shock, but she knew that he had ridden out. She believed, with all she was, that he was trying to get away from her, from what had been done to her.

Grimmjow walked into the house and straight into Hana. The woman had been waiting, standing with her hands clasped in front of her.

"She is very delicate right now."

"No shit." Was the hard reply.

Hana glanced at her feet. "Please treat her right."

Grimmjow stared at the woman with one eyebrow raised, grunted brutally and shoved past. He walked up the stairs, down the hall and into his room. He slid the door shut behind him, felt the stillness of the area and continued to the bathroom. Only when he came out, hair-tips wet and dressed in clean clothes, did he notice the figure in the corner.

Kira was sitting up with her back against the wall, her eyes on her knees, then her hands and back again. Her hair was twisted over her shoulder and she seemed cold despite the warmth of the room.

Grimmjow saw the green of her eyes dart up to his before shooting away. He crossed the room and watched her shrink away from his figure. The man knelt down beside her and stared at her profile.

Kira closed her eyes and leant away. "I…" She breathed and stopped.

Grimmjow reached out to touch the underside of her jaw and turn her to him.

The young woman pulled away.

"Csh." He saw her hands trembling and firmly grasped her chin and turned her face to his. "Look at me."

Kira looked at the corner of the futon.

"Look at me." He said in a rougher tone.

She was silent.

"Look. At. Me." He repeated. "I ain't going to say it again. Three times is really pushing it. Look at me now."

Kira closed her eyes shut again before opening them to Grimmjow's face. A tear slid down her cheek and she swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" This seemed to take him by surprise.

"I'm not…I'm not…anymore. They…" She breathed. "You are…were…my only…"

"I know." His tone was just as it had always been, rough and flat and ready.

"And they…he…I didn't want to have anyone else…" She shivered. "But…it was so different to you. It wasn't the same. It hurt so bad. It made me…I'm…disgusting." Her voice was just as choppy as her words. "Please don't touch me."

"Like hell." Grimmjow hissed. "Yeah, they beat you and yeah you look like shit with all your cuts and bruises, but you're only cheap if you let yourself be."

Kira slid away from his touch. "I'm not worth anything now." She said in a very small voice. "I'm so scared that you'll…"

Grimmjow leant back.

"Just…I understand if you don't want me anymore."

"Brat, I didn't ever want you." He rolled his neck. "But you're mine now and nobody else's."

Kira didn't say anything for a long while. "It's supposed to be beautiful. The trust…I could trust you. And now…"

"How long since you slept?"

"Since the day before…the day before…" Kira trembled.

Grimmjow growled lowly and stood up. "Come."

She shook her head.

"I am not going to repeat myself again." His tone was hard. "Get up."

Kira sat where she was.

Grimmjow exhaled sharply, leant down and picked Kira up by the arm. She flinched at the action. The man stopped as she found her feet before sliding her sleeve. The top of her arm was purple, yellow and blue with bruising and little pin-prick scratches decorated the top layer of her skin.

They had held her down and she had struggled. She had fought against them.

Grimmjow put his fingers behind her head and moved it forward. The top of her neck was bruised as well. They'd had to beat her to keep her still. They hadn't raped her to get to him; they'd done it to rob her of her power. To strip her down to weakness and depression.

The man lifted her chin again and turned her face sideways. The bruises on her cheekbones and jaw line looked painful. And then her hands. Her fingers. The fine skin along her collarbone…it had calmed to a soft pink after having been scrubbed bright red.

Kira felt him looking. She felt him seeing what had happened. Exploring the damage. The damaged goods. She felt sick. Her breath quivered as she tried to open her throat up.

Grimmjow looked at her face and saw how frightened she was.

"You think I'm going to hurt you?"

Kira didn't reply.

The man took her hand and felt her hesitate. He opened the top of his shirt and slid her hand under the fabric. Kira stared and her eyes searched up to his face for a brief moment. He had to grip her wrist to stop her from pulling away.

"Don't you dare." He said lowly as he guided her palm. Her hand was cold and light. "Don't you dare."

Kira felt her fingers come to rest against his chest. She didn't realise how terrifying it would be to be touched. He could destroy her. He could do the same thing those men had. She felt like she should hide away.

He pressed her palm down and held it in place, pulling against her constant tugging. "Shush."

Kira swallowed. She felt a beating against her skin. She tried to lift her hand away.

"Don't." Grimmjow hissed. "For once do what I want you to."

Kira felt his heart beating under her hand while her body stood an arms length away. Grimmjow used his free hand to hold her elbow and guide her closer.

The young woman started to cry and tried to pull back. She shook her head. "Don't." She wasn't worth anything anymore. "Please, just send me away. Just send me away."

"Shut up."

"You were supposed to be the only one. They stole from me. They violated what I hold dear." She tried to hide her face from him and her voice shook, she even started to kneel, to try and get out of his grip. "They…they went right to my soul. It's…it's…only you were supposed to go there. You….you were the only one who was supposed to get so close to me." A small noise escaped her as she leant away from her husband.

To anyone watching it would have been heartbreaking. She was a small, sleepless girl who looked worn and broken by the ways of man, by his attempts to break something that was not his. And then the man didn't seem to be helping her heal, he seemed to be causing pain. She was trying to get away, her body and head turned from him, her hand forced in more ways than one.

His face was nearly blank, but his eyebrows knit together. Grimmjow managed to get a hold on the small of Kira's back. He firmly guided her up to him until her body was centimetres from his.

She was weeping, her face turned away. He let her waist go and wiped his thumb over her cheek. His skin was rough on hers, his hands well worn.

"I don't deserve you." Kira said to him.

"We'll see."

The young woman turned to him and looked at her hand. Her eyes were wide and it was dark outside. His heart rate was steady. Her eyes went to his face only to find his gaze on her. She wanted to shrink away but couldn't. He left her standing there, despite all her despair and grief, on her own two feet. He hadn't changed a single bit; all the rough edges, all the ego, all the

Kira kept her hand on his skin and clenched his shirt with the other. She buried her face against his shoulder and cried.

0

The young woman woke with a sore head, her face was aching and her feet were cold. She remembered moving over to the futon in the corner and she remembered being stopped. Grimmjow had forced her into the main bed, waited until she was there and half staring at him and left. Kira had been curled into a tight ball, the blankets pulled right around her like a fortress.

She woke up against the edge of the mattress and in the top corner. She was taking up as little space as possible, trying to disappear. There was a heavy sadness in the girl's chest, a weight in the pit of her stomach.

Grimmjow was asleep beside her. Only then did she notice the bruises on his knuckles. He hadn't touched her; he hadn't moved to make her settle, hadn't held her. It felt a bit like that once she was where he wanted her to be, she could deal with the rest. Maybe. Or maybe that she needed to deal, maybe that she didn't want it, or, as she believed, that she didn't deserve it.

Kira sat up slowly and looked at the hand that rested on his sternum. The skin on the top of his knuckles was broken and scabbed; the area around it was a slight shade of red and purple. There was a tiny cut in his hairline and he seemed exhausted.

The young woman swallowed. She slipped out of bed and padded to the bathroom. The mirror showed that her bruises were slowly healing, that her cuts were pulling closed. The main hurt, the internal hurt, it was still very fresh.

Kira splashed her face with cold water and brushed her hair. She tucked the stray strands behind her ears as she made her way back to the bedroom. The fire had broken down into hot coals but the room was still warm. It was a bit like life events; it didn't matter that they were in the past, the past was still part of your life and if it hurt then it needed to heal despite the fact that you were no longer in that time.

Kira couldn't see things like this, no matter what she thought.

The young woman saw that her husband was awake, sitting up and pressing the balls of his hands to his eyes. He growled a bit before rolling his shoulders. Kira couldn't look him in the eye.

"Where did you go?" She said quietly. "Where did you go when…" She swallowed.

"I found your man in the red robe."

Kira was not prepared for the image of his face as it rushed into her head. So vivid, so cold.

"He begged for his life." Grimmjow stood up and wandered onto the balcony. He leant his hands on it and listened as Kira slowly followed to the doorway. His ear turned to her.

_Grimmjow knew who the red piece of fabric belonged to. His name was Long and he was a very profitable merchant. He provided arms to the Emperor's military. A war would have been a great thing; the profit would have been fantastic. Attacking and raping the wife of one of the most powerful men in the country under the guise of preserving peace would not work. He wanted to spark what he, and some others, thought the marriage was about; power and overthrowing the Emperor. _

_Grimmjow galloped his horse straight to the village, through its main streets and out the other side. He reached Long's house as the sun was coming up. A small group of men were sleeping in the stable. A few had scratches on their hands and faces, a couple had small bruises. Kira had kicked and struggled. _

_The man stood over them with his sword drawn. "Oi, you bastards." He said in a loud voice. _

_The first man to wake started and bumped his buddy roughly. The group stood quickly and stared at the man in front of them. He looked furious, but he was smiling wickedly. _

_"Grimmjow…" The first said "We didn't mean to. Long commanded us…"_

_"You didn't mean to? What did you just slip?" Grimmjow stepped forward and grabbed the man by his collar. "Like hell." He drove his fist into the soft flesh of a stomach before lifting his sword again. _

_A few of the men got a hit on him, but they were unarmed and he was very, very good at what he did. _

_The cries woke the house and soon Long himself was downstairs, his wife behind him. _

_Long pulled his red robe about himself, a tear in the collar caught the other man's eye. Grimmjow pointed his blade at the man. With his spare hand he held up the piece of fabric he had collected from his wife's hand. _

_Long smiled. "She made it home safely then?"_

_Grimmjow growled viciously. "You son of a bitch. I don't care who the hell you are, I don't care what the hell you do; but whoever looks down on me, on anything that is mine, will suffer the consequences." _

_The man laughed and called his men. "We'll end this shortly." _

_Silence. Long called his men again. Grimmjow smiled and advanced on the man. He stepped back and stumbled on the stairs. His wife and servants all backed away from him and his opponent. _

_Grimmjow took Long by the hair and hauled him to the middle of the courtyard. He forced the man onto his knees and forced the tip of his blade through the back of the man's knee-cap. He twisted his sword and heard the other cry out. _

_"Do you feel the consequences yet?"_

_Long hissed. _

_Grimmjow pulled his blade out and picked the man up by his hair again. He turned him to face his house. "You will loose because you took me on. You will loose for even daring to think you could take me on. I am the best. You don't get to come into my home, assault my wife and send her home in a cart." _

_The man in the red robe was whimpering, but he was not remorseful. "I don't regret a thing."_

_Grimmjow brought his mouth close to Long's ear. "I will find you again. When I die I will come and find your soul and I will devour it. You will pay. You will suffer." _

_Then, in a deft motion, he ended the man's life. _

_Grimmjow spent the next day on his own. His temper was still flaring, he was still furious; he was still on the warpath even though it had ended. His wife was not the same now; other men had touched her. They had been where only he had been. It made Grimmjow much more than angry.  
>Maybe he knew, on some level, that the joining of two people went deeper than they physical. That the bond went further than anyone could ever imagine. It was personal, precious and intentionally vulnerable.<br>The man walked and ran and rode his way through the haze of fury and frustration. He went to the barracks and bruised many of his men. _

_And then, eventually, he turned home. _

Kira watched her husband's back. "Is he…"

"He's dead."

The young woman nodded. "Okay."

"Does it make a difference?"

She was silent. Yes it did, and at the same time, no it didn't. Grimmjow stood straight and turned around. Kira had her arms wrapped around herself. She was restless, she was wounded. Spoiled. She was in there somewhere. Somewhere inside the pale, bruised shadow. She had been there when she was crying the night before. When she had been strong enough to stop pulling against him. Kira was hiding away but she was there. Somehow, she was still there.

* * *

><p><em>If you're reading please be reviewing. Your comments and constructive criticism really do help me and I really appreciate it.<br>Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you thought.  
>Remember that you can ask me anything at peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com.<br>Blessings, _

_P. _


	12. Chapter 10

_Deep in the ocean, dead and cast away  
>Where innocence is burned in flames<br>A million mile from home, I'm walking ahead  
>I'm frozen to the bones, I am...<br>A soldier on my own, I don't know the way  
>I'm riding up the heights of shame<br>I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest  
>I'm ready for the fight, and fate<em>

(_Woodkid, Iron)_

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 10**

News soon reached the Royal Palace that a powerful merchant had been killed in his own home along with a small group of his personal guard. The Admiral rode to his son's estate before the name 'Grimmjow' was attached to the killing.

The man, his robe black with a gold trim, his obi red and his beard grey, threw the doors to the house open and was followed by his escorts. A butler greeted him but was ignored. Hana heard the noise and hurried to the foyer. Her persona became small like a mouse.

"Sir…" She bowed.

"Where is my son?" He was obviously furious.

"He will be found." Hana promoted the man towards the sitting room where a fire was lit. "And please, sir, keep your voice down. The Lady is resting."

The Admiral stared at the nurse. "I will speak as loud as I want in my house."

"Your house? Csh." Grimmjow sauntered through the door behind his father.

The man turned around sharply. "My insignia is on the gate, my father built this estate, my wife bore you, you are MY son."

"I am not yours, so don't kid yourself." Grimmjow's tone was smooth. "Why are you here?"

"You know why I'm here!" Small pieces of saliva forced their way out with the words.

Hana seemed nervous. "Please, sit. I'll get tea and sake."

The Admiral looked at the woman, gritted his teeth and saw that his son had already placed himself at a low table, his legs crossed and his elbows up so his chin could rest on his hands.

"You killed Long?" The Admiral's tone was hard. "What the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to start a civil war?"

"Ha!" Grimmjow laughed.

"Don't you laugh at me. You will explain yourself. Do you understand what people are saying?"

"People can say whatever the fuck they want. He started it, I ended it. The son of a bitch crossed the wrong man."

"What did he do? Take a horse without asking? Not give way to you? Not kiss the ground you walk on?"

Grimmjow scowled darkly. "Listen up, old man; I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone."  
>"Where is your wife? I will ask her about this. Why isn't she here? It is rude not to greet guests. Have you ruined the name of another house as well?"<p>

The young man linked his fingers and clenched his jaw.

Hana took that moment to walk into the room with the tea. The Admiral turned to her immediately. "Fetch the lady of the house. I will speak to her about properly greeting guests." His face was growing stormier by the minute.

"I…"

"What is wrong with you people? Do I have to fetch her myself?"

"No…" Hana bowed and hurried out of the room.

Grimmjow stared at his father as he sat down and poured himself some tea. His entourage stood in a silent formation just inside the door, all of them were armed. The Admiral was furious. The last time he had been so angry was when Grimmjow had broken the arm of another boy when he was ten years old. The child had apparently called him a name and spat in his face. Grimmjow had replied tenfold.

"So, I take it married life has not calmed you. You seem to have turned your wife wild as well."

Grimmjow leant forward slightly. "Shut up, old man. Long was a bastard; when he died no one helped him, when his men died they did so with a guilty conscience. If you dare to look down on me like he did then I will do the same to you. I don't give a fuck that you're my father, I really don't. I am greater than you and I will become greater still."

"How dare you talk to me like this! At this rate I wont defend your actions, I will just let you sit with them and have them ruin your chances in politics."

"Well…shit." Was the sarcastic reply.

The young man's gaze slid over his father's shoulder. Hana stood in the doorway with the lady of the house. Kira had her hair swept up and back and wore a rich burgundy kimono.

The Admiral turned to see the woman but was not going to get up to greet her. He stopped dead when he took her in. The bruises on her face, the scratches on her hands. They were aged wounds but they were still apparent.

"Did you do this?" The Admiral turned to his son.

Grimmjow growled. "No, I did not."

"What happened to you, girl?" The Admiral rose and walked up to the young woman.

Kira dipped her head respectfully at him. "There was an incident." She replied.

The man lifted his hand to touch her chin. The girl leant away from him. Grimmjow came between his father and his wife and pushed the other man's hand away.

"Did he do this to you?" The Admiral asked over his son's shoulder. "Tell me and I will protect you."

Grimmjow hissed at his father.

Kira touched her husband's upper arm before realising the contact and quickly lifting her fingers away. "No, he did not. Your son would never hurt me."

"Did Long…" The Admiral didn't need to continue his question when he saw the way the woman reacted to the name. Her eyes dropped to the floor and her head turned away slightly, the distant warmth in her face drifted away. The old man wiped a hand over his face and he turned to his son. "What did they do to her?"

Grimmjow stuck his hands in his pockets. "Get out of my house."

"What will I tell the council?"

"I don't give a damn."

Kira lifted her chin. "Just tell them 'an eye for an eye'."

"Don't interfere." Grimmjow said roughly.

"It wasn't an act of self defence." The young woman said quietly. "More of defiance. Let the council know that no one should challenge your son, let them know that if he wanted a war it would have already begun."

The Admiral glanced at his first-born. "As you will."

He swept from the room and out of the house in a deft manner. All his anger had turned to surprise, condemnation and then finally utter silence. He would be back, he would always come if his son permanently scarred the family name. This time his brutishness seemed to have taken root quite firmly.

Grimmjow was at the door as his father rode away. He caught the man's eye on the way out. It was not a friendly look.

Kira stood in the foyer with a book between her hands.

Her husband closed the door and turned to her. "You don't speak for me. Ever."

"It was about me. I will deal with it."

The man scowled. "Keep your trap shut in future"

She shook her head quietly. Her mannerisms were small, her words quiet, her sleep little. She was still hurting deeply a week on from the attack. Being touched made her nervous, being spoken of made her mute, but slowly she was coming back.

Grimmjow rolled his neck. He looked at Hana as she walked past with the tray from the sitting room. He took the sake jug and began a trek upstairs.

Kira followed him a moment later and found the man leaning against a beam in the hallway. She lowered herself to the ground and leant her spine against the same wooden support. There was complete silence. They were both secretive in their own ways; Kira in that she told people little things so they wouldn't know too much of the bigger picture, Grimmjow in that he was obvious but never deep. If you'd met him, you knew who he was but you didn't know all of him. It's the same with everyone but in entirely different ways.

Having the Admiral storm in, reign his parade through the house and storm out had grated on Kira. It was like being a little child and hearing your parents yelling behind a locked door. Grimmjow was just pissed that his dad still tried to tell him what to do, still thinking he had some say over his son's behaviour. As far as Grimmjow saw it, The Emperor was the only one who had any say over him, and even then you shouldn't be surprised if he didn't use honorifics when referring to the man.

The silence stretched on. Eventually Grimmjow ended up sitting on the floor as well, his eyes flat on the opposite wall. They didn't touch; they didn't look at each other. They just sat there. A friend is someone who you can sit with and who knows the darkest thing that ever happened to you, the one thing that you feel like you should be forsaken for, but still stays close. The best kind of friend is the one you can sit with for hours without saying a word and still feeling as if you had the best conversation of your life.

0

Kira went to the stables late that day and visited the giant horse she had bought her husband. He stood in his stall with his ears pricked forward as the young woman approached him.

The girl put a hand under his chin and let him breathe gently on her face. Being with a horse has a relaxing effect; such a huge animal smells so sweet, moves so beautifully and is always warm. Kira had always wanted to ride but it was deemed to dangerous for her. As a girl she shouldn't obtain any bruises because she fell doing a man's activity. But this animal, this big white beast, she felt it wouldn't hurt her on purpose. If she fell he would try his best not to tread on her, if he got a fright he wouldn't mean to frighten her as well.

Kira ran her hand down the stallion's neck. She had seen him pound his hooves on the ground, stomp about like he was king of the world, and even kick out when another horse had come too close. A stallion was a stallion. But he was so beautiful, so powerful, so steadfast.

The girl let the horse sniff her clothes curiously. He didn't care about her bruises, he didn't even see them. He didn't care what had happened. He didn't know. He didn't want to know.

"He'll hurt you if you don't know how to handle him." Grimmjow said from down the stable line. "You'd be better suited to a quiet mare."

Kira didn't look away from the horse. "I think he's like you in so many ways."

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Csh."

The young woman glanced his way and quickly remembered her bruises, her shame. Her eyes went over his shoulder.

The man watched his horse stick its nose against his wife's collarbone. She smelled sweet and musky, the animal probably thought she was hiding a treat from him. Grimmjow neared and stood in front of his horse. The stallion lifted its head and looked at him, its ears forward and its face bright. He snuffed the air in front of his owner and waited for some response.

"You're a good match." Kira said. "You gel quite well."

"Ha." Grimmjow pressed his palm against the horse's snout and turned it away. The animal snorted and kept its attention on him. "He's getting soft."

"I think he just feels comfortable. He's still the same horse, still a stallion, still incredibly strong, able and single minded."

The man didn't say anything. He put his hands in his pockets and listened as the horses moved about their stalls. It was going to snow outside, the air was cold. But in the stable it was warm, the air was a bit close and everything smelt like it had been made safe.

Kira turned to her husband and opened her mouth. She breathed a small sound before stopping. "I…I really appreciate what you did…with that man."

"It wasn't for you."

"I don't believe that." Kira said in a whisper. "I don't think you would have killed him if he had stolen a horse or burnt your fields. I think you would have been very, very pissed and beaten him to kingdom come, but you wouldn't have killed him."

"Anything anyone does to look down on me or try to challenge me, they will lose."

"Grimmjow…I just…" She wanted to say that it was okay if he valued their relationship. That she valued it as well. "I'm still quite…I don't feel like anyone has reason to want me anymore."

"Like I said earlier, Brat, I didn't want you but you're mine now."

Kira tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Even if I'm damaged goods?"

Grimmjow scoffed. "Are you going to cry? I'm leaving if you're going to cry."

"I want to be able to be strong for me. I want to survive for me." Kira said. "I want to learn how to fight, not necessarily to kill, so that if I go down I did so because the other person was better, not because I wasn't at my full potential."

"That's pathetic."

"Its not. I want more than this. I don't want to feel sad and broken and ashamed. I don't want to feel dirty and to want to scrub myself raw every night. I want to be alive again."

"What the hell does it have to do with me?"

"I want you do help me. You're the strongest person I know; please help me so I can help myself."

Grimmjow stared blankly at her. He sighed roughly and rolled his shoulders. "You're going to get your ass kicked."

Kira smiled gently. "You'll always beat me but at least I'll have a fighting chance one day."

* * *

><p><p>

_I know it took a while for me to post. A lot has happened in the last few days and its been quite difficult at times. This chapter was supposed to be longer as well but I haven't been in a place where I can write well so I hope that its okay and that you enjoyed it anyway. _

_Let me know what you think. If you're reading then please be reviewing. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	13. Chapter 11

_"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."  
>- Martin Luther King Jr. <em>

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 11**

Empty rooms, empty coats, silent nights and the snow. Oh, the snow. It was coming down thick and beautiful, falling all over the courtyard, garden and house, drenching everything in powder.

The back door slid open silently and a figure silently entered the cold night. Kira felt the pain of the cold on her bare feet as she carefully picked her way into the garden. She held her robe with one hand and balanced the other out. The white of her clothes nearly disappeared against the snow and she melded with the world.

The young woman was smiling. Her hair hung by her face and she swept it away as she watched the ground by her feet.

Such a simple beauty; a single colour, falling objects stealing all other hues, hiding all the bare branches. Kira inhaled contentedly. The last couple of weeks had been very difficult. She had grown thin, become tired and had retreated so far back into herself.

And then the snow fell. She was vulnerable, but it didn't have to be that way. The bareness of the world was soon blanketed; all the hopelessness of the winter was now beauty. Kira saw the bruises fade, she saw the cuts heal, but a rawness still hung around. And it eased with the first heavy fall. She couldn't explain why, but somehow her heart lifted from where it had gone. She felt the need to explore and adventure again. She wasn't so afraid.

"Are you retarded?" Grimmjow's boot-clad feet crunched against the snow. "Do you have a death wish?"

Kira climbed onto a bench below a Sakura tree and stretched her arms above her head. "It's cold."

"No shit."

"I couldn't miss this." She stared at the falling snow. "I don't want to wake up and just see the snow on the ground; I want to watch it come down."

Grimmjow looked at her face. "And she's back. Joy."

Kira wrapped an arm around herself and latched it onto her elbow. "I was always here." She looked at her husband. "But I saw through it all, I saw the snow. Gosh, it's beautiful. It's so simple, so complete. It all hurts still, I'm still ashamed, but…its okay."

"And…the weather brought this on?" He sounded sarcastic.

Kira nodded. "Look at it all. It doesn't matter what happens, the world keeps going. It doesn't stop even if I do. I'm not prepared to miss simple beauty for a complicated ugliness."

"Right."

The young woman dropped down from the bench. "Do you think I'm…disgusting? Because…because of what happened?"

Grimmjow crossed his arms. "Would it matter?"

"I do want you to be happy. If you think you can never love me, then I'll leave."

"You want me happy? Ha! You want your precious books and philosophy."

"No." She shook her head. "I want to be alive. I want to live. I want to love. I want to love you."

"Why?"

"Please just answer my question. Do you think I'm ugly now?"

Grimmjow sighed. Kira was shivering. The man rolled his eyes and put his hand flat on her head. She stared at him in her little way before he gripped her arm and lifted her half onto his back.

Kira made a surprised noise. "Put me down."

The man started moving towards the house.

"Put me down, you bastard."

He laughed, rumbling through his chest. "You're pathetic. You've suddenly got this aura of defence but you still couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag."

"Teach me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Come on."

"Fuck off." Grimmjow slid the door to the house open and planted her feet firmly inside. Her hair was spotted with snow, even her eyelashes had caught a few pieces, and her clothes were damp. "Baka."

"Please answer my question." Her expression was honest. "I need to know."

"No."

"Why?"

"I mean no."

Kira's eyes widened briefly. She nodded smally and pressed her hands together. Her husband walked straight past her without another word, his head shaking deftly back and forth and spraying snow through the room. The young woman swallowed and closed her eyes. She would never live without the scars of what had happened, but she could move forward and make sure it never happened again.

0

Kira settled into a warm bath; it was a creamy colour, tinted with soaps and scents and rather a relaxing place to be. Since the attack the young woman had discovered what calmed her and what didn't; warm water soothed her, cool water made her alert and cleared her head while a pain in her muscles was a comfort. She had been walking a lot – with Hana at the beginning and only near the house, and then further out with dogs, and eventually alone. It had been an anxious experience and every noise had caught her attention, but she had felt proud upon returning home.

Something about exercised muscles was lovely; it was like a tiredness after a hard day studying. It meant you'd accomplished something, you'd moved forwards. Some pains are not okay, some of them should never have come about, but all pains have some sort of worth. They are there for teaching and learning.

Kira exhaled very slowly and closed her eyes, her hair and unsubmerged skin damp from the steam. A cool drift of air brushed past and she stirred.

"Easy, Brat." Grimmjow paced past her.

Kira slid under the water, covering herself to her shoulders. "What are you doing?"

He collected a towel and pressed it to his face. He had been teaching his right hand man to at least plant a bruise on him. It had not been a successful lesson. The man had grinned at how his lesson had not been passed. "Its my house and I will go wherever and do whatever I please."

She nodded.

Grimmjow glanced over at her. "Are you hiding yourself from me?"

Kira slid her hands under the water and watch them disappear in the murkiness. She didn't say anything.

"Pathetic."He tossed his towel down. "Scars are there so you can avenge them, not so you can suffer them."

"I want to be able to look into your face again, and though I can look into mine it is different with you. I was supposed to be entirely yours."

"Bull shit."

"What?"

"Bull shit." He stripped his shirt. Grimmjow had a scar under his collar bone and one behind his back, just above the small. There was another on his left arm, all of them gathered throughout his life and all of them obtained at different times; times that grew further apart as he grew more experienced.

"Its not the same."

"Csh." He rolled his neck.

"The person who was attacked was just a woman, I hope to be more than that. I want to look in your face and know that I am more than that."

"All your talk of life and love gives me a headache."

Kira swallowed and looked up at him. "Then you talk. Tell me about all the things you did before you married me."

"Csh."

"I want to know about your first bruise, your first sword, your first love."

"Why?"He grunted.

"So I can be more for you. So I can be something different to the girl in the cart. I think my saving grace is not knowing you very well. Sure, we seem to understand each other quite well, you haven't hurt me or cast me out, but I want to truly know you. I want what happened to be part of who I was before I met you, and though I am still ashamed and ruined in the eyes of many, maybe, just maybe, you will see something different."

"I've told you what I see. I've killed the bastard. Drop it."

Kira shook her head and replied softly "Even so, tell your story."

The man sighed and crossed his arms. "What do you want to know?"

"Favourite colour." Kira's eyebrows went up slightly, curious.

"Blue." Was the gruff, short reply. He would entertain her for now.

"Opinion on the strange dog that walks around?"

"Just an animal. Not worth my time."

"Its not…from here."

"Even so, it's an animal."

"The name of your sword?"

Grimmjow closed his eyes in a long suffering way. "It doesn't have a name."

"You should call it panther. Its brutal and mean, but strong and it knows how to manipulate an opponents weakness'."

The man rolled his eyes. "Why must you go on?"

"Because life goes on."

"Sure. Why not?"

"You will always have scars, and I will always have mine."

"Then why are you still hiding?"

Kira glanced away and at the water near the end of the tub.  
>Grimmjow growled and left the room. The young woman leant forward, the water moulding around her, accommodating the lift of her spine, the shape of her arms, the touch of her hair. She brought her knee's up and turned her head to the door. She could see her husband moving about the room, closing the doors to the balcony after standing in the frame for a long minute, wiping his face with his hand and running his fingers through his hair.<p>

Kira sighed and closed her eyes. All hurts shall pass, all scars shall remain. It didn't hurt anymore, but it was still an anxious feeling that maybe she was broken forever. But she hadn't been destroyed, so maybe it counted for something. She had survived and was able to continue. That meant something.

Kira came out of the bathroom wrapped in a robe, her hair hanging down her back.

Grimmjow was standing casually in front of the fireplace, his hands in his pockets and his face quite blasé.

"You will always be stronger and will always best me in a fight. You will always be hot tempered, quick witted and sadistic. I can't hide from you or deny what you say; you will find me and you cant be bothered with lying."

"Damn right."

"I will always be able to stand on my own two feet. I will always come out the other side of a fight. I will go down, that is a given, and I will get hurt. But I can't be bothered with lying either, and I cant handle not knowing the truth. If you can accept all my bruises and heart-aches, then I can accept all your scars and swearing."

The man scoffed and turned.

Kira was silent for a long while. She fidgeted with her fingernails, swallowed and looked up. "I won't let this make me weaker. I promise."

"Well, you cant get any weaker without turning to dust." He said smugly.

"I still…I still don't feel worthy or…clean. I don't even feel pretty anymore. But I hope that can change, because I do feel stronger and more able."

"For now."

"I've always been strong, I'll just be better at it."

Grimmjow laughed at her small voice and honest words. "You're pathetic, Brat."

Kira nodded. "That's okay though, right?"

The man frowned. "Shut your trap."

She shook her head. "Think of it as music, remember?"

Grimmjow was quickly in front of her, towering up and looking down. Kira grazed her fingertips over his cheekbone quietly and watched the line they followed, not quite seeing his face. She felt his hands on the small of her back, the force of his arms pulling her into him. The girl's eyes strayed to his collarbone and her hand dropped to his shoulder.

Grimmjow's fingers found a place under her chin, their rough skin pulling her face up. It took a moment but Kira eventually found his face. She closed her eyes for a long, slow moment and swallowed.

His mouth found hers and she felt the muscles in her body tense like a drawn bow-string. Grimmjow moved to her neck, to her shoulder, to her jaw before finding her mouth again.

Think of it as music. As music; all the sad, drawn out notes do, eventually, fade away leaving little memories in their wake.

* * *

><p><p>

_The Bleach Manga chapter 454 showed Isshin and Urahara in what I thought was Hueco Mundo. I think Grimmjow is still alive so…I guess we could be looking at a direct continuation of Alexithymia if that is the case. It would be a while away but what do you think?_

_I am currently reading James Patterson's 'Maximum Ride'. It took me a while to warm to the writing style but I was taken by the concept and story very early on. I was thinking of maybe doing a fic of that after this one. Maybe. _

_Anyway, Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought – all constructive criticism is welcome. Also, remember to visit peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com where you can ask me anything. _

_Blessings, _

_-P. _


	14. Chapter 12

_The future for me is already a thing of the past, _

_You were my first love and you will be my last_

_(Bob Dylan, Bye and Bye)_

* * *

><p><p>

**Chapter 12**

Waking and feeling well rested is an acknowledgement of security or madness. Kira believed, that maybe, she was both. She was warm, buried beneath the thick covers, and she was pressed safely into the sternum of another. Safe in as much as one can be with Grimmjow.

The young woman had her cheek against his chest, her neck turned so she faced the ceiling and her side snugly comforted by the futon. Her husband was on his side as well, his one arm draped over her, the other under his own head. He seemed to vacantly snarl in his sleep when she moved.

Kira hadn't been close to him since the attack and having him near had been terrifying. She hadn't known how'd she react, whether she would be hurt. But she had known his intentions and they weren't untrue or evil.

She turned her head to him, her neck stiff, and pressed her forehead into the dip below his collarbone. Her hand rested below his ribcage, the other touching his chest. For the first time since she had met him, Kira wanted to embrace Grimmjow. She wanted to make him happy, not just pursue her own ideals of life and love.

Grimmjow grumbled, his chest rumbling with the sound, and his body shifted. Kira wondered how loyal he would be to her, whether he would stay with her if he had the choice not to. He, in essence, had been presented with the choice to go it alone again, but he hadn't taken it. But if they went elsewhere, met again in another place; would they end up parallel again? Could that happen? Could relationships transcend lifetimes?

Kira believed that souls transcended life that they moved on, so maybe if a bond was strong enough it too would follow to whatever came next. Of course the person would never know, but it was an interesting thought.

"I haven't slept so well in weeks." Kira breathed softly.

Grimmjow growled lowly.

"Thank you."

"Shhhhh." Was the vaguely hissed reply.

Kira lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'm going to have my first sword fighting lesson today."

"Like hell you are."

"Sure as hell am." She smiled.

Grimmjow shifted and arched his neck so he could look at her. Kira was watching back up.

"With a wooden blade."

"Wooden blades never taught anyone anything." Grimmjow said flatly, settling his head back.

"Didn't you ever use a wooden one?"

"No. If someone ever comes at you with the intent to take your life then knowing how to swing a branch is useless. You've got to meet them on equal ground."  
>"Then I'll use a real sword."<p>

"Like you could hold a real sword."

"I'm going to be kick-arse one day." Kira smiled.

Her husband laughed.

"I will. I'll survive."

"Sure, Brat."

Kira smiled. "Come on, you know I'm good at what I want to get good at."

"Csh."

She pinched him.

He hissed at her. "You're such a bitch."

"And you're a brute. We're even."

"Shut up."

Kira pressed her forehead back against his chest. "You will always be better than me. Always be more able to survive. Always be stronger. But despite all that, you haven't done anything to hurt me or cast me out. You could kill me in a minute; for shame, for disgrace, for honour…and I wouldn't have a chance."

"No, you wouldn't."

The young woman breathed steadily. "Thank you."

"Csh."

0

Kira sat quietly on the balcony with a book in one hand and a calligraphy pen in the other. Every so often she would cross out a word and write something above it. She was making the world her own. The story her own.

Grimmjow had gone to the barracks with his men, the group of them charging off as if they had some battle to win or some world to conquer. Kira had watched them leave with their swords and their saddles and wished, weirdly, that she could go with them.

Hana came to the girl and put a heavy blanket over her shoulders. "You will freeze."

"Thank you." The young woman pulled the warmth over her shoulders and smiled at her friend.

"You have smeared ink on it." The woman clicked and took the girl's pen away. "It is nice to see you smiling. Happy."

"I never realised you could still have pains but be happy at the same time." Kira pushed some hair off her face. "It's the essence of survival; living with everything, not accepting that the ugly part of it okay but still knowing that they are part of it."

"Your philosophy has changed. There is a fierceness in you."

"Thank you, Hana."

A grating noise stopped the nurse from saying anything else. She looked at the gate as it heaved open. The sun was just going down. Kira straightened and put her book down. The family insignia pulled apart and stood open.

Kira stood. The white horse, the big stallion, was riding near the middle of the group. He was pressing forward to pole position but no one sat in his seat. The young woman dropped her blanket and swiftly vanished inside and hurried through the house, barefoot and in nothing more than a white house kimono.

The horse hooves clacked against the stones and the big chestnut of Grimmjow's second in command stood in front. The man landed down from his ride and saw the woman standing there.

"Ma'am…" His voice shuddered.

Kira's gaze drifted sharply as the noise of another dismount caught her attention. A man stumbled down from the chestnut and the young woman reached out to catch him as he fell. She dropped under his weight; her knee's digging into the stones.

"What happened?" Kira looked at the second hand.

"You know that he is not liked. You know he is a threat."

"Shut up." Grimmjow said roughly.

Kira looked down at him. A wound on his side was bleeding, as was a deep gash in his shoulder and a hole in his torso. Her hands were sticky with his blood. Another attempt, this one in search of a life.

"Shut up, I'm asking what happened." She said firmly.

The second nodded at her gaze. "An ambush. Five men. They wanted his life."

"They didn't try hard enough." Grimmjow grunted from the ground.

"Only in times of peace would other men find reason to stage a personal war." Kira twisted in her seat, her hand pressed to the deepest of the wounds, the other unconsciously brushing the man's hair back. "A doctor. Quickly." She turned to the second. "Help me get him to his room."

"Hai." The man nodded.

Grimmjow growled.

"Be quiet. You're hurt. Don't make it worse."

"Baka." He lilted. "You got blood on your kimono."

She glanced down and saw the front of her clothes soaked with blood. The woman laughed the tone breathy and relieved. "It'll wash out."

The doctor arrived very quickly, he was in the door when Grimmjow was half-way up the stairs. The man had an arm over his second's shoulder and his wife had her hand pressed to his side, a bloody towel absorbing some of the blood from the wound.

"You should not be taking him upstairs." The doctor said harshly.

"He wouldn't agree to be elsewhere." Kira replied, her tone stressed.

Ten careful minutes later and the man was in the room with the balcony, laying on a mat with a doctor kneeling beside him. He had his shirt off, revealing that the gash on his shoulder was where an arrow had scooped out his flesh as it had scraped past, the hole was where one had buried itself into his body. The wound to his torso was inflicted by a heavy blow.

The first shot had distracted him, the second unseated him. Once he was down a huge man had swung an axe. Grimmjow had dodged, risen to his feet and punched the attacker so hard he lost teeth and fell to the ground unconscious. As he pulled the arrow from his body an assassin had come from nowhere and swung at him. The man had leapt backwards to avoid being cut in half, but not quick enough to escape injury.

Grimmjow had picked up the axe and buried it into the assassin's skull with vengeful glee.

The doctor dipped a cloth in a bowl of water. It had been stained with herbs with antiseptic properties. The moment he put it on the first wound, his hand was caught in a vice and his ears rang with the curse of the man he was treating.

His eyes were wide with fright. His patient was crushing his wrist and seething at him.

Kira, who was kneeling on the other side, took the cloth from the doctor's hand and met her husband's eye as he released his grip. She held his gaze, and her silence, as she pressed the cloth to Grimmjow's injury. She trembled from the thought that he could strike out at her at any moment; those in pain do not always know what they are doing.

He hissed sharply and swore again.

"Shh." She replied to him. "You're all cocky when someone hits you with a sword but you're a big baby when it comes to pulling yourself back together."

He didn't reply. They both knew that wasn't true.

The doctor took the opportunity to start tending to the more serious wounds as Kira cleaned the dirt and blood from his body with warm water.

By full night the man was bandaged and under orders to not put any strain on the wound to his side. Kira tried to help him sit up but was pushed back and ended up stumbling onto her backside as he pulled himself upright. Grimmjow's second shook his head and left the room with a curt nod.

"You must go to bed so you can heal."

"Csh."

"Don't be stubborn about this. If you are allowed to do your part about my injuries, then let me do mine with yours."

"Its just a scratch."

"My arse."

He glanced at her.

"You got them back?"

"Of course."

Kira nodded. "Good." She shifted onto her knees. She ran her finger along the bandage covering his shoulder before kissing his temple. "Come now. Hana will bring you something to eat. I have to get changed."

"You look like shit."

The young woman sighed and moved off. He would help himself over to the futon, and he did. When she came back he was sitting with his back to the headboard and his legs crossed in front of him. Kira had a thick robe on and she hurried to close the balcony doors. Hana had come with food and had set it on a tray on the bed.

It was a quiet night, but not uncomfortably so. Grimmjow was battered and bruised, his pride too, but he seemed quite pleased with his battle story.

The following day Kira found that his life had become difficult. His side bent and stretched when rising and sitting at the low tables in the house, the when opening doors, when lifting things.

The woman called the carpenter and ordered a high seat, long enough to recline on and elegant enough for permanent use. It would be her reminder to him that he was not a god and that she was going to force him to keep his promise to her.

A week later and the item arrived. Grimmjow was more mobile, but he hated the seat entirely.

"You will learn to use it." Kira said as she had it placed in their room.

"Like hell."

"Even when your injuries are healed over you will use it. And I will wait on it for you, reading as you come home. You will lead your solitary life and I will lead mine." And at the end of it all they would somehow manage to end up in the same place with each other. "And on the days you are out I will go to the docks and talk to people who have come from exotic places."

"Oh, and how will you get there?"

"Carriage, at first, and then hopefully by horseback." Kira sat on the high chair.

Grimmjow laughed sarcastically at her.

0

Kira found it hard to live with an injured husband. He was constantly pulling his wounds open, constantly refusing to rest. He would go about life as if nothing had happened.

They had been attacked. Again. They had been attacked by someone who had sent assassins; a nameless, faceless enemy. Kira didn't know why her husband seemed to blasé about the whole matter but she was trying to uncover the cause of his hurt. Sure, he pissed a lot of people off and he had married her – an apparent threat to the royal right, but death?

They had attacked her in a way more brutal than she could have imagined, but her husband?

Kira came through to the bedroom with a book and found her husband moving to sit at the low table.

"No." She took his elbow and pressured him towards the high lounge. "Here. Sit here."

"Fuck off."He pulled his arm away.

Kira put a hand over the wound on his side. "Please. I don't want to bandage you up again."

"Don't get sentimental."

"I'm not getting sentimental. You're a pain in the arse to look after."

"Then let me look after myself."

"You can't. You're a dumbass right now. Sit here." Kira gently pushed him to the chair.

He wouldn't do it now that she had tried. "Piss off."

She scowled at him. "Fine."

He grinned.

Kira stared up at him before standing tall and kissing her husband. He seemed cold at first but soon had his hands on her back and waist. The young woman pressed into him and, after a while, they both started moving from their spot.

Kira smiled when her husband sat on the lounge, pulling her down with him so that she rested on his knee's. He noticed her change and growled lowly, not breaking from her. The young woman felt his teeth on her lip and flinched when he bit her.

"Ow." She pressed her fingers to her lip and looked at them. No blood.

"Shut up." His hand flattened between her shoulder-blades and pulled her forward.

"You bit me." Kira stared at him.

"And now we're even."

She seemed quite proud of herself. She had got him to move without him realising it until all was complete. "I can be cunning and charming, cant I?"

"In your dreams."

"But isn't this nice?" She ran a hand along the arm of the lounge.

"Csh."

Kira smiled. "You'll learn to love it."

"Bull shit."

She held a hand over his bandaged wound again. "Don't die, alright?" She held her face inches from him, watching his expression with open eyes.

"I ain't planning on it."

"Good." She kissed him. "Ditto. Promise."  
>"I'll hold you to that."<p>

"Please do."

0

In the days and weeks after the attack Kira became quite defensive of her husband. She knew a protective urge had risen in him when he had seen her in the back of that cart, he wouldn't have killed Long otherwise, and now she understood. Someone had tried to spill her husband's guts all over the roadside – well, they couldn't have them. They couldn't have him.

The young woman stood and watched the men sword fighting in the small ring near the garden. She would listen to the young stable hands being taught to ride by their older fathers. She might not be a man, but she sure wasn't going to die by a sword just because she couldn't wield one.

Her little dagger went everywhere beyond the walls. Even to the market and to lunch with the other ladies of the country-side. They had heard, and probably started, the rumours about why Grimmjow had murdered Long and his men. Kira let them believe whatever they wanted.

The young woman was still soft and sharp with eagerness, but no one was there to test her skills, no one to push her, no one to make sure she knew how to survive. But then again, no one should be there to make sure one knows how to stay alive; if you're going to be good at it, then you'll be good at it. It's a life thing, not a test.

Late, about two weeks from Grimmjow's attack, Kira sat on the high seat and watched over the balcony. She wore a light kimono and the warmth from the fire seeped through it and touched hot against her skin. The snow was thick outside, deep.

Grimmjow had gone back to work. And she sat up waiting for him to come home. She had done so since he had gone back. When he got home she didn't show that she had been watching, but he knew. She saw him coming on his horse and continued about her business.

But that night he was out late, so she was up late. Kira had drifted off with her head on the seat's arm and her hand half holding a book.

The sound of footsteps did not stir her. Their pausing didn't either. The book leaving her hands didn't cause a change. The young woman was lifted from her seat and placed carefully under the folded blankets of a futon.

And there she was left. The sounds of water splashing and the padding of bare feet drifted around. The footsteps wandered away and then back again. There was a soft noise of something being placed nearby. A large white lantern.

Kira stirred. "I've been waiting a long time."Her voice was husky. She smirked. "I nearly got worried."

No reply.

The young woman blinked drowsily. She noticed something new in the room. A large white lantern with a weight at the bottom to hold it steady. It would be bright once lit and would burn all night. "Should I be worried?"  
>The mattress of the futon shifted as another weight entered the bed. "Only if it kills you."<br>The woman smiled. "I'm not allowed to die, remember? Its you who can't keep promises."  
>"I can't be killed."<p>

"I will drag your stubborn body across the country before I let you come close."

A low laugh broke the early morning. "Go back to sleep." His words were hard. Basically 'shut up'.

The woman rolled over. "I will keep the lamp lit so you can see it from the road. I'll make you feel guilty if you're late."

"I told you to go to sleep."

"That's why you bought it, isn't it?"

"Hush up." His one arm manoeuvred its way under her shoulders and bent her into his side.

"Thank you."  
>"Shhh."<br>Silence.

* * *

><p><em><em>Komusai Matakatana<em>____left me a wonderful review saying that it has been more or less confirmed that Grimmjow will be playing a part in the future Bleach storyline. Also, Halibel and her Fraccion are supposed to be alive as well. Knowing Tite Kubo, it might take a while to confirm anything but I know I have my fingers crossed._

_I'm trying to keep Grimmjow 'human'. Kira isn't as 'rough' as she is as a Hollow, the experiences that shape her that way haven't happened yet; they haven't happened to Grimmjow either. _

_If you're reading then please be reviewing. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	15. Chapter 13

No need to hide anything anymore  
>Can't return to who I was before<p>

- _Anberlin, Breathe_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

Early one Saturday morning, just as winter was drifting away, Kira made her way silently out of the house and into the stable. There was a closet against the far wall and she quickly opened it. The stable-hands kept their spare clothes there and she was determined to crawl into the best-fitting pair.

The pants were rough, the shirt baggy and all just unrefined. Kira left her robe in the closet in the place of the clothes she had taken, her slippers in the place of the boots and a few pieces of gold for the poor soul who had to stay in his night clothes until she got back.

The young woman stood in front of a tall chestnut mare as she tied her hair into a tight braid. "Will you tolerate me for the moment?" She whispered. "I've never done this before."

The saddle for the horse hung outside its stall and Kira picked it up. It looked strange on its own and she soon found the blanket that went under it. How high does one put it? The saddle doesn't sit in the middle of the back, more over the shoulders. So near the shoulders. Kira smiled as the horse snorted gently.

"Sorry."

Finally satisfied with the blanket, she picked the saddle up. It was much heavier than she anticipated and she over balanced into the wall. Kira stood beside the horse and lifted the seat up. She got it near its back but the flap was in the way. She pushed it over the horse's side only to have the weight of the saddle weigh her backwards and away from the animal.

"Csh."

Kira froze. Her eyes slid over to the door of the stall.

"Baka." Grimmjow crossed his arms.

The young woman held the saddle tightly, determined that he wouldn't take it away. He did though. Kira brought her shoulders in and prepared to get told off like a child. Young women don't ride horses. They don't dress like poor stable hands. They don't try to saddle anything.

Her husband lifted the saddle and swung it over the horse's back, letting it sit properly in place.

"Oh." Kira straightened. "You're not mad or anything?"

"Shut up." He leant down and grabbed the girth, fitting it under the horse and into its buckles. "If you cant lift the saddle then you sure as hell cant do this up tight enough."

Kira watched as he pulled the girth and locked it in place so that the saddle stayed on. "I did a good job with the blanket though, didn't I?"

"Csh."He walked out of the stall.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." There was a pause. "Here."

Kira caught a flying bundle of leads and metal. She held it up and saw it take the shape of the bridle. How to get it on was a mystery so she leant outside and peered into the stall next door. The white horse stomped lightly as its owned slid the bit into its mouth and the head piece over its face. Its ears went forwards and it chewed the bit eagerly.

The young woman mimicked the action as best she could. It took her long enough that her husband was completely saddled and up by the time she had done it.

Kira looked at the horse. "I wasn't so bad, was I?"

She pricked her ears forward.

The young woman somehow ended up in the saddle and her horse started to walk forward into the courtyard as it had every other time it had been prepared to head out.

Grimmjow was sitting there, watching her try to copy what she had seen the men do.

"I ain't teaching you." Came his strong voice.

"Should have said that first." Kira replied.

"Should have realised that first, baka." He shot back.

The sound of dancing hooves on paved ground closed the gaps in the speech. Grimmjow's white stallion danced around eagerly while Kira's flighty mare stood with her pretty face forward.

"I am envious of your adventures."

"So you should be."

"I told you I would ride a horse."

"You're not riding shit right now."

"I'll work it out."

Grimmjow laughed.

Kira sighed nervously. "Okay, I don't know. What do I do?" She asked as the sound of her nurse's voice dropped down into the courtyard.

"Stay the fuck on." The man replied as he turned his horse sharply. .

"How!" She asked as his horse galloped out the gate. The young woman had seen men ride before. She had seen how it was done. So she did what she thought they did. She nudged the horse in the sides.

It walked on. Okay. Good. Not good enough though.

Hana was suddenly at the door. "My Lady! What are you doing? Where did you get those clothes? Get off that animal now!"

The young woman glanced over her shoulder and smiled. She sat deep and kicked the horse hard. It took off under her and she had to use every instinct to grip on and to decide what to do next.

The little woman had gone out and done what her mother would have murdered her for.

The girl gasped as her horse pulled out of the gates. The ground was flat and open and her horse was enjoying the freedom immensely. Kira saw her husband not far off and saw how he was holding his reigns. She did the same as her horse tried to race up to Grimmjow's.

The man laughed at her concentrated expression. She was leaning too far forward, her leg strength was not up to the ride, but somehow she was holding on. Her seat was nearly steady and her hands were in the right place.

"Are you running away now?" He said smugly.

"I'm choosing a life that is mine." She replied happily. It felt good to be riding. The wind, the thrill, the adrenaline…it was beautiful.

"If you don't die first." He thought it was hilarious.

After a few long, terrifying minutes the man slowed his horse and stopped it at the crest of a hill. He sat steady as he watched the woman's horse pass him. She had no idea how to stop it. She knew how to turn it and did so. It was a little to sharp a motion for such a flighty animal on such terrain.

The chestnut slipped for a moment before doing as it was asked. The young woman lost her seat. Kira went over the far shoulder and landed face down in the grass. Falling from an animal like a horse hurts, it jars every bone in your body and you remember it distinctly afterwards.

There was a long moment of silence. Kira smacked her hand against the ground in frustration and looked around for the horse.

The man at the top of the hill had it by its reins, he hadn't even dismounted. He was just looking at her with this face that lacked emotion entirely. It didn't mean he lacked emotion; just that he didn't waste it easily. Maybe.

"You promised to stay on." His tone was mocking.

"I didn't promise." She sat up on her knees. Her whole body felt stiff from the fall. Nothing was broken, apparently.

"You said you wouldn't die, remember?"

"Well…so didyou." She shot back.

"Are you saying I can't keep my promises?"  
>"Why do you think I made a promise to make you keep them if you couldn't?"<p>

Silence.

Grimmjow dismounted and walked down the hill. They were surrounded by grass on three sides and viewed by a tall cliff on the other. There was a small, clear lake at the base of the rock with a ribbon of stream running to it from nearby.

"Is this where you come?" The young woman asked, not looking at him as he sat down nearby. He had let the horses graze nearby, oblivious to the fact that they could run away so easily. "When you don't want to come home?"

"No." Came the normal reply.

"Where do you go? Is there a girl in the town? Or does it not matter where you were, so long as you stay alive?

Pause. "Baka." He put a hand on her head and turned her to face him. "Landing on your skull didn't change the loudness of your mind."

"I didn't land on my skull."

He gave her a short look. "No. You landed here." He dropped his hand from her head and to her shoulder. The shirt was a little too large and when slipped down revealed a red mark in front of her shoulder. "And here." He lifted the corner of the shirt up to reveal the bruising on the woman's hip-bone. There was a long pause. "But maybe you would have been better off landing on your head."

She gave him a long suffering look.

Sure, he had his little moments of 'nice'. But they were heavily diluted by everything else. He was who he was and he didn't go out of his way to please anyone, only himself. Not that he was a selfish person, just that he didn't care for others. If they survived, then sure. He did enjoy being alone, but when with people he wouldn't simply live for himself; he did give a little. Sometimes. Depends on who it was. So…mostly he didn't give at all. Ever.

"There isn't a girl, is there?" Kira thinned her eyes at him.

Grimmjow smiled sinfully.

"Is there?"

He laughed. "There are only whores and farmers wives in town. You really think I would waste my time there?"

"Maybe you did once."

"Maybe I did once."

Like all souls, they both felt. And feelings of something other than apathy…well...they lead to different outcomes. Sometimes they lead to lives that are being led parallel to each other onto a wide road that fit them both perfectly and didn't invade them at all. It just let them know someone was there and that when it was dark, when things were annoying, when stuff happened – someone else would know about it.

And because of that; the chances of survival increased. A shared load maybe. Not quite.

"I liked a boy when I was little. His name was Mica." Kira lay back in the grass. "He called me froggy because of my eyes. A froggy demon." She smiled. "He said demons cant love, so he would never love me."  
>Grimmjow watched her from the corner of his eye.<br>"Do you mind my eyes?"

"I don't care about them."  
>"I think you would look great with blue eyes." Kira sat up and put a hand to her husband's face. She ran her thumb below his left eye. "You'd suit blue very well."<p>

He just stared at her. The ground was cold, the grass was just coming out of its frosty blanket and everywhere streams and rivers began to move again. The sun was warm on their skin.  
>Grimmjow sighed.<p>

"Its music, remember?" She said softly to him.

"I don't like music."

"Of course you like music."

"Shhh." He hissed.

Kira shook her head dropped her hand from his face. "I can tolerate most of what you do." She petted his knee. "So…call it even?"

"No. I am greater than you."

"I could never look down on you, Grimmjow." Kira replied to him. "But I want to look you in the eyes, not up at you. It doesn't mean you aren't better, it just means I want to see your eyes."

"Csh." Was the grunted reply.

Kira lay back down and stared at the sky. "That colour blue." She pointed right up. "The colour of the sky when winter is coming to an end."

0

Hana was furious when Kira got back. The nurse yelled at the young woman for a few long minutes before dragging her upstairs by the hand.

"You smell like a horse." She said angrily. "A proper lady doesn't smell like horse. What would the other woman think?"  
>"I don't give a shit." Kira replied.<p>

Hana turned around. "What did you say?"

Kira looked at her with a 'you heard me expression'.

"Swearing makes a beautiful face ugly. I don't want to hear it from you again."

The girl sighed. "Hana, I had a good time this morning. I went riding and Grimmjow taught me how to punch. Or, he dared me to punch him after a rather daring and, in hindsight, stupid quip. I nearly broke my thumb so he showed me how to do it right."

"Gracious." Hana started tugging the rough shirt off Kira.

"I don't see what the problem is. Why are you upset?"

"Because you looking at books and talking is entirely different to you going out in public and doing something stupid."

"Its not stupid. There is more to living than being alive. I want to be able to live properly and not worry about dying or being attacked – I want to be able to survive successfully so that I don't have to suffer and recede into nothingness."

Hana eyed the girl. "You are so full of nonsense." She stopped dead. "You fell off?" Her eyes were on the bruises.

"It was my first time on a horse. You don't just sit there."

"You have to stay there, girl." Hana said harshly.

"Csh. Back off." Grimmjow sauntered into the room.

"Sir, you and your wife are targets of rebel groups, upstarts and powerful men – you cannot do as you please."

"I will do as I please when I please." Was the man's firm reply. "If they want to attack then let them, I'll take them down."

"And when you don't?"

Grimmjow growled at her and even raised a hand. Kira reached out and stopped him.

"Don't. What would you achieve by hitting her other than being a heartless sonofabitch?" She said quietly. "No one lives forever."

"I am the king of this place. No one gets to look down on me like that."

"No one is looking down on you. You want to live then do it but don't get mad when someone points out that part of life is death. I don't want to die with regrets; I don't want to die not having done the best I can."

"You're full of it."

"I know." She replied with a smile. "Hana, its okay."

The nurse was a few steps back from the huge figure of Grimmjow, staring at his angry face with her own defensive stance.

Kira wrapped her arms out around the woman. "You are my dearest, oldest friend. I value everything you say. But I am not a child anymore. Let me live a life that is mine."

"But you will die."

The young woman shook her head. "Not yet. I promise. I've promised already."  
>"You can't keep that promise."<p>

"I'm going to try to for as long as I live."

0

_A black night drifted through a constantly dark world. A half moon stood high and proud in the sky. A sharp face stared up at it through a white window. She had feline features and a lean body. Her muscles were toned, her bones had broken and healed countless times and knew what it was to fall from grace. _

_Kira Sato stared out at Hueco Mundo. She sat on a tall couch, her feet up on the windowsill and her fingers on her lower lip. She held a screen in her hands; a glowing object paused on a single moment. _

_The mad scientist of Soul Society had sent it. He'd cleared the fragments and put them together. The way her soul aligned with the one in the video, the similarities…it was what she had expected, but to see it play out was entirely different. _

_The girl had her eyes. Had her features. She had been fierce inside, curious, she had known her delicacy and had tested its limits. And there had been the man. _

_Kira pinched her nose. _

_"Don't pull that face." Grimmjow grunted from where he sat on the floor, his knee's up and his forearms resting on them. _

_"You sure you don't want to watch it?"_

_"Completely."_

_Kira nodded. "This stuff really happened, Grimmjow. Its real now."_

_"Oh, and it wasn't real before?" His tone was sardonic. _

_"Its different." She sighed and ran a hand over her high, black ponytail. "I mean, shit, you and I had a whole life before and we were just like we are now – only human and…you know, we hadn't gone through the whole 'Hollow Evolution' thing. But we existed there. You even look exceptionally similar. You have an aversion to shirts and you're a stubborn brute with a sadistic streak in here too." _

_The Sexta rolled his eyes. _

_"Come on." Kira stood up and set the tablet down. "Don't tell me you aren't curious?" She walked over to the man. "Not even a little?"_

_He stared at her apathetically. "Not even at all." _

_The girl shook her head and crossed her arms. "You know Kurosaki will get his powers back. Its happening right now. So enjoy the peace and quiet while you can." _

_Grimmjow growled at her. "I will punch another hole in you."_

_"Go crazy."_

_"Don't be a brat."_

_"I am a brat." She smiled. "Remember?"_

_The man looked out the window. _

_Kira uncrossed her arms and made her way over to him. She stood over him, her feet on either side, before lowering herself. Her shoulder-blades rested against his legs and she stared him in the face. Grimmjow stared at her, a hiss rising from his throat. Her feet had moved to either side of his hips, her knee's resting against his upper arms and her weight pressing back on his legs. _

_"Get the fuck off me." _

_"If you wanted me to go away you would throw me out the window." She said gently. "Come on, Sexta Espada I know you're curious about your past life."_

_"Like hell I am." _

_"You were good to me then." The Novena smiled coolly. "I wonder if you would kill whoever attacked me and left me lifeless."  
>"It would be your own fault."<em>

_"You implied that before. When you were human." _

_"Csh."_

_Kira leant forward and ran her fingers past his temples before kissing him. He bit her. _

_The Novena pulled back with a sharp hiss."Ass" she said as she began to stand up. _

_Grimmjow's hand held her hip. She stared at him flatly. _

_"You are not being charming."_

_"Was I ever charming?"_

_"No." _

_"Then don't ever expect me to be."_

_"If you want me to go then…well, you'll have to go because it's my room. You scat if you want away." _

_Grimmjow laughed lowly. "Think of it as music."_

_"Ah, you have been watching." Kira smiled and put her arms over his shoulders. "And what do you think of the 'new' me?"_

_"The new you? Ha. You haven't changed a single bit."_

_"I have been through a lot. The whole Hollow to Espada thing…you know…" She bit her lip in mocking thought "It was kinda important."_

_"Csh."_

_"We aren't so different, same core structure and all the rest but the foundations, the upbringing was all different. Its obviously an important part of who you are."_

_"You can shut up now."_

_"Uh uh." _

_ He kissed her fiercely before she could lapse into another spiel, grinning wickedly all the while. _

* * *

><p><em>A little original Grimmjow and Kira for you. I want to start linking Alexithymia and Au Fait back to this story since Tite Kubo claims to be bringing Grimmjow back. That way I can write from all three if I want.<br>Hope you liked it. Review to let me know. _

_:)_

_I'll be away for this week and probably wont get a chance to post. We're on the last few chapters now, so hang tight and I'll post ASAP. If you have any idea's for another story then give me a heads up. Also, feel free to ask me anything at my tumblr. Its peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	16. Chapter 14

_"The truth is found when men are free to pursue it."_

- _Roosevelt. _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

Kira sat on the high sofa and flipped through a large book on history. "I don't see how this is relevant at all."

Grimmjow glanced at her as he prepared for the day.

"Don't get me wrong, I like history, but I think that you're just trying to keep me occupied while making me think I'm learning sword-play." Kira tapped her nose.  
>"Csh."<p>

"Am I right?"

"Half." Grimmjow slid his sword into its sheath on his belt.

Kira smiled. "I do want to know. I want you to teach me."

"I already said no."

"Then why the book?"

"Like I said, half."

"You're not teaching me?" The young woman sat up straighter. "Why?"  
>"Because I said no, Brat. Do you need another reason?"<p>

"Who is teaching me?"

"Someone who can help someone of your level."

"So you're too good for me?"  
>"Obviously." He grinned in a wicked way, his expression smug.<p>

His wife closed her book. "Fine. But one day I will fight you face to face. Not to kill you or anything, just for fun."

Grimmjow laughed. "Who say's I wont kill you? I could crush you with my thumb."

"Well, you could." Kira watched him lean against the wall casually. "But you're not going to."

"Ahuh."

She nodded.

"Sure."

"I cant be better than you, but I think I could give you a bruise or two. Maybe even a neat little scar."

This made him laugh heartily and stand to go. "Suit yourself. It's your funeral."

Kira stepped to her feet. "All in good time." She walked over to him and pulled a piece of lint of his shirt.

"Csh."

The young woman brushed her fingers through the hair near his temple. "Now, don't die today."

"Not a chance in hell."

Kira still felt strange when he touched her. When he held her. She still felt dirtied by what had happened the year before. It still haunted her. Other woman would still be little shadows but she had come to a bit quicker than one might possibly think healthy. It might have been a survival instinct, or a good environment to recover in, or both.

But all the same, the young woman had a lunch with the women of the district and felt like they had always known her sad little story. No one had ever spoken of it, but maybe Long had before he died. Maybe his guards had boasted and someone had heard. Either way, Kira never felt comfortable the women.

Grimmjow growled lowly at his wife's face. She had on a common expression; she was thinking about something she wanted to talk about.

"Don't even think about it." He grumbled.  
>Kira sighed. "Its just…"<p>

He clamped his hand over her mouth. "No."

She tried to peel him off but he countered every defensive action. So she bit him.

Grimmjow stared at her with a pissed expression. He nearly acted on it before waving his hand at her in dismissal, grunting and leaving the room.

0

Kira stepped out of a low carriage into the courtyard of another estate. This one was bigger and exceptionally lavish – there were huge shrubs covered in snow and fires on either side of the door. The young woman wore a thick navy kimono with gold and white details over it. There were horses running across the skirt and birds flying through the sleeves. It was like dreaming on fabric. Her hair was up with a long pin in it that dripped glass beads down beside her face.

Hana walked a step behind her friend. "Are you nervous?"

"Not at all. I've been to these things before. Why? Have you heard something?"

The woman was quiet.

Kira turned around. "Hana." She eyed the older of the pair and spoke strongly.

"Well, I heard the messenger of the invitation asking the stable hand if you really did turn up in the courtyard in the back of a wagon."

"And how would he know that?"

"Well, people talk. There have been rumours but something about the way this was conveyed was…"

"Was what?"

"Well, you've been put across as a common whore."

Kira felt like she had been slapped in the face. "For being raped?"

"Well…they don't know that." Hana looked like a child in trouble. "They just know the bits and pieces the guards said when they…when they got back."

Kira lifted her chin and laughed through her nose. "Thank you, Hana." She smiled at her friend. "They don't need to do anything more than speculate, alright?"

"Of course."

The young woman stepped up into the house and was enveloped by the warmth. The ladies greeted her happily with white smiles and dark hair. And then a face more familiar than the rest caught the Sato's eye. Her tormenter growing up – Mai.

Its weird how feelings linger with people like that. It feels like it doesn't matter how nice they are now, they hurt you badly. It doesn't matter that its in the past, they still burned you and you learn not to play with such a fire twice.

"Hello, Froggy." Mai said smoothly.

"Good to see you, Mai." Kira replied gently. "You've travelled far to be here."

"My husband is training up at the barracks for the week. He took the nurse; our young son is getting his first taste of combat."

The young woman nodded. "Maybe they will see Grimmjow there."

"You don't use honorific's with your husband?" Her tone made the act out to be savage.  
>"No. He knows I respect him."<p>

"Apparently so." Mai turned around with a smirk. "Like you respect the other men you saw last winter?"

"A person needs to earn my respect. Few have done so fully."  
>"That doesn't answer the question."<br>"I don't answer to rumours and callousness."

Mai smiled and walked off quietly.

The event went by without much ado about nothing. The women chatted about their children, their husbands and their houses. Kira was the only one to talk about the horses or the library.

A woman with crows feet around her eyes looked at the young girl. "How is your husband? Have you settled into marriage well?"

"I have, I think."

"Has the man calmed since the union?"

Kira smiled. "Not at all."

"And you're okay with that? No offence, dear, but your man is a brute. He fights and even kills."

"You're right. Grimmjow is a brute and he would never intentionally show his love or affection for anything."

"Then how" a younger girl piped up "do you know he likes you?"

"I don't think he would like me telling you." Kira sipped her tea. She knew because he hadn't ever hurt her when he would have done it to others, because he defended her for her sake, because of the way he could sleep beside her and she could sleep beside him.

A woman with a pregnant belly looked at the relative new comer. "So, is it true that a Shinigami came down and stopped you from being blind?"

Kira paused. "I don't know. I've never seen a Shinigami."

"Well, you don't have to. They exist."

"Have you seen a Shinigami?"

"No, of course not."

"I think that if I had truly been touched by such a creature then I would be able to perceive it. If they exist then they do not exist for me."

"And what of the souls of loved ones once they die?"  
>"I've never died. I wouldn't know."<p>

Kira got a small laugh out of the group.

Mai sat up. "When you were a child you used to believe it."

"I didn't say I didn't believe it. I think that if Shinigami exist then why also do bad spirits? Shouldn't they be doing their job and guiding all souls away?"

"Bad spirits have no soul."

The young woman thought a moment. "I think they do. If they were once the life of something then they may still embody it."

"So the ghosts that go evil are equal to those that deserve heaven?" Mai raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know. But I think they deserve a chance."

"Did Long deserve a chance?" Was the blunt reply.

Kira straightened and said nothing.

Another woman leant forward. "Were you his mistress?"

"No." Was the flat reply. "Grimmjow went after him for his own reasons."

"You didn't do anything?"

"I didn't do anything that concerns you, your husbands or even your servants."  
>The women blinked at the biting reply.<p>

Mai grinned. "So you did do something then."

"Mai, shut the fuck up." Kira stared at her, her sharp features digging right through the other girl. "You have been a bitch and a bully all your life and I'm tired of it. I am better than you and I will always be better than you if you continue to lower your bar of self respect. It is none of your business who I do and do not sleep with, it is none of your place to insult my eyes because they're a different colour and it is certainly not your duty to put anyone in their place." The girl said this with control and a touch of ferocity lacing her voice.

The other women took a breath in. And then one began to laugh. And then another and another until the only silent one remaining was Mai. It felt good standing up for herself, Kira was happy. She felt like she had laid something to rest.

And now she could claim her first victory; a battle fought only because it had to be and won because there was no other option.

0

Hours later, as the sun was going down, Kira stepped into the garden. The path was patched with ice and the images of the beauty present in spring were shadows all around. The young woman thought the starkness and the cold were just as pretty in their own way. Some people hate winter, think it colourless and lifeless – but it isn't. It's the quiet season.  
>The girl breathed fog from her mouth and nose and slowly her fingertips, nose and cheeks turned red from cold. Kira stopped in front of a naked tree that looked over the grounds beyond. A few hundred meters away was the spot she had been taken from. Taken to be abused from. The women at the party would have found something else to talk about if it hadn't happened, just as they always had a titbit about everyone else. It was a callous world. Who needed war when you had vicious girl friends?<p>

Kira pulled her kimono closer, shifting the long coat over the top. The hood hung down between her shoulder blades with her hair. She heard a crunching noise behind her and smiled in a private way.

Kira turned around as quickly as she could and pelted a snowball at whoever stood behind her, whoever was invading her private moment. Her hands flew up to her mouth when she saw her husband staring flatly at her. She hid her grin but it slipped into her eyes as the snow melted in his hair.

"You went to the effort of making a projectile." He was not amused at all.

"Yes." She answered innocently. "I saw you get home and go through the house. And I was about to go into the garden so maybe we'd cross paths…"

"So you made a projectile."

"Yeah. I did. I haven't done it since I was a kid. It was very unlady like. But I'm going to do it again." Kira bent down and began scraping snow into a cylinder shape.

She stood just as a white object flew straight past her head and smacked hard into the trunk of the tree. She glanced up to see the snow in its branches come loose and drop onto her head.

Grimmjow's tone was rough and amused "You will come off second best."

She threw her snow at him. She missed completely and he crossed his arms as she went about making another. He stopped her by catching her hands and pulling her to her feet. His hands trapped hers between them.

"You WILL come off second best."

"Its not going to stop me." She said fluidly. "You're better, I know. Whatever." There was a long pause and she smiled. "Are you trying to protect me? Haven't you heard that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?"

"I said it first."

"Of course you did, dear."

He raised an eyebrow at her. She looked like a naughty child.

"Grimmjow, I want to be stronger. If I have to get beaten up, If I have to deal with Mai…"

"Who?"

"Don't worry. If I have to deal with Mai all day I can sure deal with you. And I thought she was going to scratch my eyes out after I bit her head off. Thank goodness she kept her mouth shut."

Kira was quiet for a moment.

And then indignant. "Let me go."

"Nope."

"Oh, come on."

"No."

"Grimmjow."

"No."  
>She pulled down and back and wriggled her fingers to no avail. "Let. Go."<p>

"No."

"You might be all strong, high and mighty but I am not yours to command." She pulled again. "Let go."

He half smiled and didn't do a thing.

She stared at him. "You value your space, cant I value mine? Do you like tormenting people?"

He just continued to grin wickedly.

"What do I do to get out?"

"Well" he began "you could kick me in the shins, knee me in the stomach, head butt me…the list goes on. Be creative." He mocked.

"I don't want to hurt you."  
>"Then you're not going anywhere."<p>

"I could kick you in the manly bits."

"And I could beat you to a pulp."

Kira sighed, glared and went dead silent. She dug the toe of her shoe into the snow and lifted her foot above his. The snow dropped into his boot. He gave her a long suffering look and stared at his foot. Kira stretched her neck out and kissed him. Her hands slid free and his arm slid around her waist and tightened abruptly causing her to stop. Grimmjow's wicked smile was still in place. His arms were stronger than his hands and now she was locked in.

Kira tried to go up, down, backwards, sideways, forwards, all of these things at once and didn't get a thing out of it except maybe a bruise on her spine. The grip just grew tighter the more she struggled.

"Nearly." He said sardonically.

"Fine." She said. "You win. I give up. The end."

Grimmjow looked smug. He let his hold go and she stepped back very quickly. Kira deftly grabbed his wrist and let her fingers climb his. She found the middle digit quickly and bent it back sharply. Grimmjow hissed as the burning pain shot down the back of his hand. It wasn't a good hold or anything permanent, but she had quickly obtained a crucial advantage without expending much energy.

Kira leant forward so her mouth was by his ear. "Brute strength isn't the only path to victory." Her hand released his and her fingers slipped between his own. "I wouldn't last long against someone like you, so I've got to be quick, right? That's what history teaches, to play to your weakness as a strength?"

Grimmjow laughed lowly from his chest.

"I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you're being an ass…or if you want to sharpen your instincts against a new type of opponent."

"An opponent?" He replied snidely. "You're just a brat."

Kira smiled. "You'll know how to stop me next time, will you?"  
>"Smart girl."<p>

"I don't expect you to be weakened by anything you know, or anything you can predict. So teach me. Teach me so I can teach you how to battle a new opponent."

He grunted. "No."

"You're such an ass."

He laughed.

* * *

><p><em>This chapter was weird to write because I went to a wedding the other day. I've been running the soundtrack of my life to Colbie Callait's 'I Do' and it does not suit Grimmjow at all. I want to write this lovely breezy beautiful wedding scene but I get pain-in-the-jackass Grimmjow. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but he'd probably chew razor blades before even considering doing anything vaguely romantic. <em>

_A lot of you have asked to see what I look like lately. If you really, really want to know then tell me on my tumblr (peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com) and I'll consider it. You're all stalkers BTW. Lol._

_Anyway. Let me know what you thought. All constructive criticism is welcome. Reviews are replied to. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	17. Chapter 15

_There is a place and means for every man alive._

- _William Shakespeare _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

The night was eternal in Hueco Mundo. It wasn't always dark. There was the moon and the remnants of Aizen's fake daytime. Kira spent some time in the expansive room lingering in the unreal sun, but she preferred to be in the night. As someone who had conquered the world under nightfall it was strangely comforting, weirdly beautiful.

The Novena walked through the egg-shell white corridors of Las Noches until she came to the door to her new room. This one was larger than the one Aizen had assigned her to and it sat on the edge of the huge castle surrounded by sand; you could see forever from the window.

She had obtained a big white bookcase and had covered it with copies of texts she had taken from the Real World. A lounge sat at the end of the bed that pressed up against the furthest wall.

Grimmjow was relaxing there casually. He had his own room, a bigger room with a balcony and everything – but here he was. Asshole.

Kira had a gash on her hip from their last sparring session and she made her way to a small desk and took a bottle of sticky brown liquid from it. She smeared the stuff on her wound and flinched as it burned its way to healing.

Grimmjow chuckled in a sinister way. "Pathetic."

She shook her head at him and walked over to his side, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Well, I gave you some stripes too."

The Sexta rolled his eyes as she indicated his exposed chest. She had caught him on her way past and dug her nails into his ribcage, dragging them around his torso and leaving four stinging marks.

Kira picked the tablet she had received from Soul Society up from the bed-side table. It had been very curious at first; it was just a screen. Sure, humans had them but this one wasn't like theirs. It was one from the Shinigami and it was designed fro them, for their purposes – not for portable media. The girl pressed her finger to the screen and watched it light up.

The image sitting there was of someone who looked remarkably like her. Sweep the hair of the human into a high ponytail and they could pass as sisters. The Novena had sharper edges and appeared different in little ways, she had been shaped differently. Grimmjow too.

What she had found most interesting was that they had remembered their names. That they had kept them.

"You have your own room." Kira put the tablet back down, the screen settling into black. "You have Arrancar to harass."

"Csh."

"You wanted to be a king." Kira dropped onto her back, her head falling into the base of his sternum.

"I don't care about those bastards. So long as they know who is most powerful here."

There was a long period of quiet. The curtains stirred in the wind. "Someone will challenge you eventually."

"And they'll die."

"Yes, they'll die, but they'll still challenge you." Kira lifted herself up and twisted to look at his face, her side pressed against his and one her arm rested over his chest while the other dropped over his shoulder and followed up beside his head. She drew her finger along the line where the scar Ichigo gave him met his undamaged skin for a brief moment. "No one needs an Aizen in their lives. No one needs an army. But everyone needs a challenge."

Grimmjow smiled ominously as his hand came to rest on her hip, his thumb grazing her now nearly healed wound.

"You think that way-back-when that we would have married if it hadn't been arranged? If we could choose? Or would I end up with a nice boy with a clean hair-cut?"

The man scoffed. "I don't care."

"What if we'd had kids? We didn't and maybe there was something wrong with me inside, like with the mother. What would you have wanted?"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes.

"Come on."

"One that looked like me."

"You're ugly though."

The man scowled at her. Kira smiled.

"What about if you'd become Emperor? If we'd had a son who became Emperor?"

"Then I'd be Emperor."

"And the son?"

"I'd be Emperor."

"You sound disinterested."

"No shit."

"Don't you wonder what other life there could have been?"

"No."

"Lucky you." Kira reached over for the tablet and drew it towards herself. She turned it on again, her mind now taken by the story of the past. It was like not being able to put a book down but not in the same entertaining way; more in the 'have to know' sense.

The girl twisted and fussed until she was comfortable. Grimmjow hissed at her a few times, smacked her head and pushed her away before she found a suitable position.

"Its my room." She said shifting so her head was on his shoulder, her back on the mattress and his arm holding her in place. "Get out if you don't like it."

He huffed.  
>"Fine. Stay."<p>

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow as she moved her hand over the tablet's screen. It rested against her raised knees.

"If I said I wanted you to stay, would you go?"

The man shook his head. "Not now that you've revealed that dumbass plan."

"What is wrong with your room?"  
>"Nothing."<p>

"What's so good about mine?"

"Nothing."  
>"Then why are you here?"<p>

"To piss you off."

"This isn't a game. I'm going to watch this." She shuffled her shoulders before settling. "…just to piss you off."

"Brat."  
>"Ass."<p>

Grimmjow snorted.

0

_Kira discovered a love for horse riding. She had found a way to sneak a few rides in here and there without being seen by her husband's men. Hana was very uncomfortable with it, it wasn't ladylike and her mother would disapprove. Gradually though the nurse began to see the joy the young woman got out of certain things. Out of finding how to balance cutlery on her finger, finishing a book, understanding a book, adjusting her own stirrup straps and finally getting to punch her husband in the arm with a remote amount of force. _

_He had stared at her blankly and she had beamed up at him. Her knuckles hurt. He had said something rather rude and probably racist and she had smacked him. Grimmjow had replied by grabbing her wrist and she tried to use the other hand to free herself only to get that one caught up as well. He even took the liberty of standing on her feet so she couldn't kick him and in the end she had just sat down, taking him partially with her before he realised what she was doing. _

_"You have got to let go." Kira said halfway to the floor, her husband holding her up. _

_"Right now?"_

_"No not righ-." He let go and she landed hard on her tailbone. _

_Kira smacked him in the back of the knee and earned a chuckle for her efforts. _

_"Help me up." She said, holding a hand up. _

_"No."_

_"Please?"_

_"Bugger off." He began to walk away. _

_Kira now sat on the floor of the study with a sour expression. She threw a book at her husband. "This is getting to be a rather abusive relationship."_

_"Not if you asked for it." He walked past the book as it lay in a sorry heap on the floor. _

_"Asked for it?"_

_"You said you wanted to fight. So, get better at not ending up on your arse."_

_Kira crossed her arms. "You're an arse."_

_Grimmjow rolled his eyes and left the room. _

_Hana, who had heard of this entire event thought it quite horrifying at first eventually found it amusing. Kira had told the story with a smile seemed to appreciate the obscure relationship she had with her husband. She didn't expect gentle embraces or soft kisses because she knew she wasn't going to get it. She wanted to learn, he didn't want to teach and somehow the arrangement was working out rather well. _

_Grimmjow hated her talking, her books, the way she stretched in her sleep, but Kira hadn't tried to change him. She hadn't tried to alter his way of life. _

_All she did was light the lantern every night and set it down so he could see it from the road. If it ever wasn't there now it would be an alien experience. _

0

The Novena Espada visited the top turret of Las Noches on occasion. She had gone with a bottle of sake and sat with her legs over the edge, her feet hanging high above the ground below.  
>Down there she could see the occasional silhouette of a hollow. She could hear their voices carry up.<p>

Kira had never thought about how she had never really had a true friend. She thought about how she and Grimmjow had come to be what they were. Even in her old life, if that's what it was, she had only been close to Hana. Grimmjow had been…something else entirely.

And that had never changed.

There was no Hana, though there had been the other Espada. They had all tolerated each other. Put up with one another. Sometimes shared thoughts and tactics, trained. And then that had ended.  
>What had it been like for Hana to lose someone who was like a daughter? Who was a friend? How did that feel? Maybe something like walking through the empty halls and not running into Ulquiorra or Stark.<p>

The Novena took a swig of sake before standing and holding the bottle aloft. She poured the rest of its contents over the edge of the castle. For the fallen. For those who had left behind all those empty chairs and tables.

0

_Hana spent a lot of time with Kira during the day. She was responsible for ensuring that the young woman's education stayed on course; teachers instructed in dance, calligraphy and painting all came and went as the nurse watched over Kira's progress. _

_And, without her parents knowledge, the woman had also enlisted the help of a light combat instructor to teach the girl martial arts. Kira adapted to the fluid motions easily – she was quick and light and moved forward quickly. However, she couldn't last all that long. She grew weary. Even after months of practice. She could go for extended periods of time, Kira was better than she had been, but progress had been slow in that respect. _

_"I think something is wrong with me." Said the young woman to her teacher after a lesson. She was sitting in the bath, wet hair clinging to her skin. _

_"I don't think there's anything wrong with you." Hana poured a jug of warm water over Kira's head. _

_The girl pushed her hair back. "I just get tired so fast. And I haven't fallen pregnant yet. Its been more than a year."_

_"Your mother also had trouble conceiving." _

_"I know. But people are talking now. They expect a baby."_

_"Do you want a baby?"_

_"No. No. Definitely not." _

_Hana laughed. "I do not think your endurance in combat is a problem. You are not built to do that kind of thing for a long time. You are built to get in, get it done and get out so you can appreciate everything else in life. If your body did go on longer in a fight your mind would wander and you'd just go down anyway."_

_Kira smiled. "I remember you being very opposed to this."_

_"You now know how to use your knife and your body to defend yourself. To survive. After you were attacked…all I wanted to do was protect you. But I cant. You are a young woman and you are capable of doing it for yourself; I need to make sure that you can do it for yourself."_

_"Just don't tell anyone, right?"_

_"Right. Don't you dare speak a word to anyone about it."_

_"Grimmjow knows."_

_"Of course he knows. You get bruised and battered. I make you wear gloves so the skin on your hands doesn't get rough because then the world would know."_

_Kira sighed. "Thank you, Hana."_

_The woman smiled and kissed the top of her friend's head in a motherly manner. The sound of hooves down below signalled that Grimmjow was home. Kira sat up in the milky water and craned her neck to see out the door. _

_"Do you love him, Kira?"_

_The girl glanced at her nurse. "I think I might." _

_"Do you think he loves you?"_

_"He'd never say so, so I would never admit it to anyone." Kira smiled softly. _

_Hana didn't understand but she tried. The woman turned to leave. "Don't stay in there too long, the water wont stay warm forever."_

_0_

The Novena Espada woke up hazily. In the constant night the Arrancar slept when they were tired and ate when they were hungry. There was no clock or time-zone, but they did end up synchronising to each other.  
>There had been Arrancar waiting in all forms of development, though non of them close to Espada level, waiting when Grimmjow and Kira had returned to Hueco Munco. The most powerful had taken residence within Las Noches. The lesser souls took up places in the tunnels and walls. All of them didn't dare challenge Grimmjow or Kira. The last of the Espada.<p>

The Novena tucked an arm under her pillow as she rolled onto her side. Grimmjow had fallen asleep long before she had. They had argued for a bit about his leaving, she had woken him up and then nearly been thrown out the window.

Once she had gone to his room to sleep but he had come in, picked her up and thrown her out the door swearing all the while. Hypocritical bastard.

Kira saw the Sexta asleep and she propped herself up. She was on the very edge of the bed and he was sprawled through the middle.

The Novena climbed over Grimmjow's sleeping form and stepped to the floor. She casually walked to her bathroom and by the time she came out the man was still asleep. Kira sat down beside him and shook his shoulder.

He growled at her.

She kissed his neck right below his jaw.

He grumbled viciously.

She pushed his hair back and crawled over, hovering above him and twisting her hair over her shoulder she pressed her forehead to his temple. "Wake up."

"Piss off."

"No."

"Fuck off."

"No."

"What the hell do you want?" His eyes slithered open.

Kira sat back. "I'm bored. Wake up."

"Watch your shit."

"I'm running a bath. I cant now."

"Csh."

"Do you know where the water comes from? I know Aizen mentioned a water table under Las Noches and there aren't many of us using it…but this is a desert."

"Shut. Up. And don't you ever say that name in here."

Kira felt his hand on her throat, his nails digging into her skin. She rested her fingers on his wrist.

"And don't wake me up." He growled.

The Novena watched him with her green eyes. She swallowed and shook her head as lightly as she could. Grimmjow grunted and dropped his hand onto his stomach.

Kira watched his eyes close again before pinching his nose shut. He instantly went to throw her off but she punched him hard in the diaphragm. Grimmjow picked her up by the waist and threw her across the room, letting her skid to a halt and tumble onto her backside on the floor.

The Sexta groaned and rolled over.

If it had been anyone else he would have been up and laughing as he ripped them to shreds. But this was Kira and for some reason he had never removed her from the equation; even when they weren't mates in the more than friendly sense.  
>The Novena's eyes strayed to the tablet and she wondered how much of an influence that life had on their present. She could see herself in the girl, she could see traits she possessed coming out. It wasn't that she had Arrancar, Hollow or Espada pieces in her; it was possibly that they had been there all along. They had been hiding, waiting for her to regain her civility and reclaim them.<p>

Kira touched the hole in her torso before lifting her fingers to the bone on her face, the mask that reached across her cheekbone and turned down just before her nose. She had not noticed a difference in Grimmjow when he was in his gigai and his mask obscured from sight. There does come a point where you don't see a person for what they look like as they physically appear, but for how you know them to be.

Kira disappeared into the bathroom with a new bruise forming under the left side of her ribcage. She lowered into the bath and shut the water off. Her eyes closed and she leant her head back. All that fighting, all that surviving, more than one life of power and all its consequences, had it been worth it?

The Novena let her fingernails trace patterns in the water. It didn't matter if it had been worth it. She wouldn't exchange it anyway.

* * *

><p><p>

_So more of the Espada. I hope you enjoyed it and aren't mad at me for my absence. A friend at work had a family emergency so I covered. Between that and studies and all the other stuff I haven't slept much. I don't write all that well when I'm tired, I don't even feel inspired.  
>So encourage me to sleep more. <em>

_Let me know what you thought. Constructive criticism welcome. _

_I will do my best to update more often. I promise I will do my best. _

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	18. Chapter 16

_A tragedy means always a man's struggle with that which is stronger than man.  
>- G. K Chesterson. <em>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

"Grimmjow?" Kira rolled over in bed and looked at her husband as he lay beside her. He wasn't asleep, he'd just climbed in under the covers and the sun was practically coming up. "Are you okay?"

"Shut up."

The young woman ran her fingertip over his eyes, softly closing his lids for a brief moment. "So it's very bad then?"

He grunted at her.

"Not as bad ass as you." She got a smile for that remark. "I haven't heard of or met anyone who could possibly take you on and win."

"Because there isn't anyone."

"Then what is wrong?"

"Why does something have to be wrong?" His eyes were closed, his back comfortable on the futon.

Kira rested her upper body and head on his chest, her arms folded neatly over him. "Because you forgot to blow the lamp out."

Grimmjow opened an eye and saw the white light still shining. He grumbled and saw his wife smiling. He put a hand over her face and turned it away from him.

"Is someone trying to make you lesser? Are they looking down on you?"

Silence.

"Your broody-ness means yes." Kira kissed his collarbone.

Her husband exhaled deeply. "Shut up, Brat."

She smiled. "You're better. You know that. But you haven't crushed him like a bug yet, have you? He's your tragedy."

Grimmjow growled at her.

"You'll do just fine." She petted his stomach as she settled back into her place. She had never looked down on her husband though he sometimes thought she did. Kira liked to look him in the eye no matter how unwavering and terrifying he could be. He stared straight back and didn't shy away at all and maybe it would kill him one day but for now he was alive and well.

"Just don't be visiting any geisha." Kira said as she rolled onto her side. "I'll hurt you if you visit any other women."

The man laughed and his grip found her hip, turning her onto her back. He lifted himself up and stared down at her. "And what if I was?"

"I'd hurt you." Was the matter of fact reply. "I can punch now."

Grimmjow pulled her hand out from under the covers and scrutinised it in the early morning light. There were a couple of healing cuts on the knuckles but the skin was smooth and pale. "No you can't."

"Not like you." She replied defensively. "Never like you. I'll always be…three steps behind you in most things, in which case I might be half a step in front in a few other things but its rather unlikely."  
>"Rather."<p>

"But I can do it."

He rolled his eyes.

Kira sat up abruptly and placed her hands on her husband's shoulders. She forced him backwards and used his own weight to drive him under her. The young woman climbed on top of Grimmjow and smiled.

He very easily, and with a bored expression on his vague face, planted her back into her place and even got a hand to her throat. Her fingers were wrapped around his, they slid back slightly and her fingertips found the curve of his windpipe. He could break her neck easily but she could break his windpipe. She'd be dead but he'd be in a lot of pain.

He grinned wickedly. "Good girl."

Kira smiled gently as his hand left her throat. Hers moved around behind his neck and she settled comfortably to look at his face. "I'm glad I married you." She paused. "Most of the time."

"Most of the time?" Her husband replied with a sarcastic query to his tone.

The young woman laughed gently. "Most of the time."

He rolled his eyes and sighed apathetically before kissing her.

0

_"Pathetic." Grimmjow crossed his arms and sat back against his huge chair. _

_"I thought it was sweet. You can be sweet when you want to be. Not nice, or…sweet is the wrong word. You can be…not as brutal." The Novena Espada stretched her arms up. _

_She was sitting on the arm of the chair perched high above the huge hall that Aizen had conducted his meetings from. There was rubble on the floor and it was quiet but it was that same room with its blue hues and ceiling. _

_"Remember when we were here with everyone?" Kira let her feet touch the ground and stepped away slowly. "Do you miss it?" _

_Grimmjow grunted and put his elbow on the seat arm. _

_"It was a nice community. We didn't like each other, but we didn't kill each other either. I mean, if you could have killed Ulquiorra then you would have but that was more a power thing."_

_"What do you mean 'if'?" He raised an eyebrow. _

_Kira shook her head. "Just because you're Queen B now doesn't mean you were then. You were one o the best, but you weren't number 1."_

_"I could have killed Ulquiorra."_

_The Novena lowered her voice "no you couldn't have. Maybe if he were here now you could, but not then."_

_Grimmjow growled at her and shot a curse in her direction. _

_"I miss everyone. I miss how agitated you would get when Ulquiorra came into the room. How Starkk was so relaxed, such easy company." Kira crossed her arms and looked over the empty room. "I miss the purpose."_

_"Then go find your own purpose. Get out of my room."_

_"This isn't your room."_

_"It is now."_

_The Novena sighed. "They're all gone. I wonder what their souls are doing now? Maybe pregnant women are carrying them around, maybe they're in Soul Society with no memory of anything." _

_Grimmjow scowled. "I don't give a fuck."_

_Kira let her hands hand lose again as a figure entered the chamber. An Arrancar covered mostly in bone steadily walked closer to the raised pillar the chair was on. Grimmjow paid them no heed. The Novena watched them curiously, her features piquing with her interest. _

_"Grimmjow-Sama?" _

_The Sexta looked at the tiny, rough voice. He was in a bad mood now thanks to Kira. He would have to break a rib or two to get his frustration out. She was going to be stiff for a few days. _

_"I…" The Arrancar fidgeted in the silence "you too Kira-Sama…I just wanted to ask If I could do anything? If there was a plan or anything?"_

_The Novena looked at Grimmjow. He looked mostly bored now. "I hope you understand that we are barely in the aftermath of the fall of Las Noches."_

_"I…I do understand. I saw them…the Shinigami when I was in the desert." There was a silence. "Do you want me to go…go after a few of them? I'm very quiet. I can hunt very well."_

_"I can see." Kira nodded at the figure and its nearly translucent persona. "But no. You are not to harm any Shinigami if you can avoid it."_

_Grimmjow grunted. _

_"H…hai."_

_"Focus on replacing the holes the fallen Espada have left behind." _

_The Arrancar looked bright for a moment. "You think I could?"_

_"No." Kira said flatly. "But you could try."_

_The figure nodded. _

_Grimmjow stared hard at it. "Now get out." He spat. _

_The Arrancar vanished so quickly._

_Kira frowned curiously. "I wonder if they know they can go to the real world and hunt Hollow there. Find their own personal mission there. I know I find it particularly interesting."_

_"Of course you do." Was the sated reply. It quickly turned hard. "Why the hell shouldn't it fight Shinigami?"_

_"Because they, you, me…if it weren't for Hueco Mundo and whatever we waited for after we died then we would be Shinigami." Kira walked over to Grimmjow. "You'd be a Captain and maybe I would be to, but probably a Vice-Captain. And we'd do things like go on patrol and hunt Hollow and train the newbies."_

_"How boring." He said as she sat beside him and pushed some hair off his face. _

_"More so than this?"_

_He scoffed. _

_Kira laughed. "You're going to hurt me for before, aren't you?"_

_"Yep."_

_"When?"_

_He met her eye and in a millisecond had catapulted them both off the pillar. Kira saw the ground coming very fast at her head and laughed. She had her purpose and she was never bored. Her purpose was not Grimmjow, it was continuing to find out about who and what she was, about what interested her. Only then could she truly evolve into what she was because only then would she know where she had been and where she wanted to go. It was very philosophical of her but she liked it.  
>Grimmjow's purpose seemed to be being a king in his own right. He fought, he sat, he slept, he went into the real world and watched Kurosaki as he lived vicariously without his powers. <em>

_Soon he would get them back. And then…_

_And Kira would be there. How interesting Kurosaki was. How dissimilar they were from each other. She wondered what his past life had been, if he had been the hero in some epic Soul Society tale. If some of the older Shinigami had known him but no longer knew about it.  
>What a peculiar thought. <em>

_"I'm going to wipe that expression off your face." Grimmjow hissed gleefully. _

_"Not a chance." Was the happy reply. _

_0_

Kira shot up from her sleep gasping for air. She shuddered before the memory of the dream even came back to her and she glanced around the room. Just a dream. Just a dream. It was midday and the lantern had gone out. Maybe Hana had been up and blown it out.  
>Grimmjow was staring at her with his terrifying sleep haze. "The hell?"<p>

"Bad dream." Kira stood up and stretched her arms above her head. "Just promise me you wont die, okay?"

The man groaned. "Seriously?"

"Yes." The young woman wrapped a robe around herself.

"I already told you I cant die."

"Pinky swear." Kira bounced back onto the bed, landing on her knees with her pinky finger extended.

"What?" Grimmjow stared at it groggily.

"Pinky swear." She looked dead serious.

He smacked her hand away. "Don't be pathetic."

"I am pathetic, remember." She held her finger out again. "Promise me."

After a long suffering silence he agreed, nearly snapping her finger out to make a point. "Happy?"

"Yes." Kira stood up again and climbed off the bed. "I know we'll both die eventually, but" she shivered "actually seeing it play out in your head isn't nice."

"You can't fear death."

"Its part of life, I know, blah, blah."

"No, because its just weak and pathetic." His voice remained just as rough and apathetic as always.

Kira shook her head. She knew that one day, maybe, the assassins would be successful. That the conspiracy theorists would have a reason to celebrate. That the Emperor's closest advisors, minus her father, would breath a sigh of relief – even Grimmjow's father. It would never stop until they died.

Kira splashed her face with water. She looked at herself in the mirror. One day she wouldn't be there anymore. She wondered where she would go. Heaven? Would she linger here? What if Grimmjow was alive? What if he was dead?

She got nowhere by thinking about it so she quietly closed that idea down and settled for the fact that she would always have to be prepared. Always ready to accept whatever came next.

Whatever came after this.  
>Ready to survive it.<p>

* * *

><p><em>So I'm alive and I've posted a new chapter. Yay!<br>Let me know what you thought. I do reply to reviews and I do take constructive criticism.  
>For any other sort of comments and questions go to my tumblr (peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com) and ask there. I'll be happy to answer most things.<em>

Blessings,  
>P.<p> 


	19. Chapter 17

_"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."_

- _Unknown_

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

Kira didn't know what dying would be like. She had never really wondered. It did scare her – where did one go? Do you go anywhere? Surely it can't just end. It can't just finish. For some reason the young woman was considering what value there was in passing.

The strange creatures with holes in their bodies had flitted back and forth from time to time, rare sightings but obviously not of the real world. They seemed to watch intently, they seemed to know something that Kira didn't. They seemed to look at her more like a sister rather than as prey. They didn't stalk around anymore, they didn't growl at her.

The last time she had seen one was a few months ago while riding with Grimmjow. Her horse had sensed it and reared up high, throwing its hooves at the creature that scurried beneath its feet like a lizard. And then it was gone just as fast. Kira felt her horse stomping around under her, she held pieces of mane as the mare lifted up again.

There was sickening moment as the young woman felt the balance of her horse begin to change. She tore her feet from the stirrups and let the animal go as its centre changed over and started to topple backwards.

Kira had seen the man at the barracks. His horse had landed on him after slipping on a hill. It had been a very slow, painful death. Grimmjow had stood over him in dead silence, watching as the blood dribbled out of his mouth. He hadn't drawn a knife and plunged it into the soldier's heart, he had waited to see what the man would do before he left the earth. Kira didn't know if her husband had seen what he wanted to, but he had not changed in demeanour.

The young woman pressed her knee's to the saddle as she came out of it and shoved sideways. She threw her weight to the left and felt the mare's shoulder brush her thigh on its way down. Kira landed beside the animal and rolled as its weight collapsed beside her. Her eyes went wide as she saw a hoof scrabbling right beside her face but knew that the animal wouldn't stand on her if it could avoid it.

The horse galloped off and Kira sat up and stared after the chestnut. Grimmjow burst out laughing from on top of his stallion. His horse had skittered around but hadn't nearly crushed his rider.

"Flighty bitch." Grimmjow leant forward in his saddle.

"Aren't you going to chase her?"

"Nah."

"You're just going to walk around me in circles as I chase her on foot?" Kira stood up and looked at her elbow. The skin felt raw.

"Yep."

"Bastard." She brushed dirt off her shirt. "Did you see that thing though?"

Her husband's face went stale. "Yeah, I saw it. Pathetic creature."

"Maybe it's a sign?" Kira smiled. "The spirits want us alive but they want us to do it ourselves."

"Like they give a damn."

The young woman stood beside her husband's horse.

"You look like shit." He mused at her dust covered face and the stiffness that started to grip her after the fall.

Kira lifted her hand up to him.

"Fuck off."

"Oh, come on." She gripped the front of his saddle. "Your horse can take two people. At least until we get mine back."

"No." He peeled her hand off.

Kira wrapped her fingers around the stirrup leather, gabbed her husband just above the elbow and hauled herself upwards. If he didn't pull her up he would come off. Grimmjow's wife swung her leg over and sat behind him, her hand still clinging to his elbow the other sliding around his waist.

The man sat there with a pissed expression on his face. "You want to fall off again?"

"Just ride."

Grimmjow looked over his shoulder at her and scowled. He gripped her arm and pulled her weight sideways. She gripped him tightly and the man realised that though he would win the fight easily he would have to get off his horse to do it. Somehow the Brat had managed to let him stay on his high horse and managed to annoy him all at the same time.

Kira kissed the back of her husband's neck. "Tallyho."

"Don't fall off." He hissed.

0

Kira walked through the house late one afternoon, the light material of her kimono streaming out behind her as her nose buried itself in a book. She was reading all about what different philosophers thought of the afterlife. Other countries believed so many different things, so was one right? When you die were you told you had been right or wrong?

What happened?

The questions whirred about gently. She was not overly concerned, just curious. The day she passed on was surely far in the future, maybe after a few sons and a little girl. The young woman smiled at the thought. She didn't want kids yet but she could, she didn't want to die but she would.

A hand took the book right out from under her thoughts and lifted it high. Kira reached up as her husband dangled the pages above her head.

"The hell are you reading now?" He said roughly as he glanced at the cover.

"Its none of your business." Kira put her hands on her hips and stared the man down.

He put a hand on her head and shoved her backwards, undoing the chopsticks in her hair in the process.

"Death, huh?" He smiled wickedly. "Eager, are we?"

"No." Kira picked the one hair piece off the ground and pulled the other out of her loose hair. "But I figure…"

"Uh." Grimmjow pressed his hand over her mouth. "Shut up."

His wife peeled his fingers away. "Listen to this one. This one is good."

"Uhuh." He rolled his eyes and began to walk away.

Kira followed him in a half attempt to get her book back. "I think that we go on. Like not this…but whatever is inside. The soul. It goes on. Maybe it goes home or to whatever it will call home after this time ends."

"Bull shit."

"Well, what do you think?"

"I think that if you aren't alive then you don't deserve to be."

"But what if you are alive in wherever you go? The soul is a powerful thing. Imagine how much greater it would be in a world designed just for it. Where bodies aren't as limited."

"That's pathetic."

"Maybe there's a kingdom awaiting."

"Only if I get to be king." Was the sarcastic reply.

"You will be." Kira slid the book from her husband's hands as he started to descend the stairs. "I'll be there too."

"I don't share shit."

"I know. But I'll be there."

He grunted. "Well, you go on believing that and enjoy whatever warm fuzzies it gives you."

"Probably not warm and fuzzy. Scary, actually." Kira put a hand on her husbands arm and stopped him. "When I do die, if I am able to I will wait for you."

"You'll be waiting a very long time."

"I will find you, Grimmjow." She said with a small smile. "Whether I know you there or not, I will find you in the afterlife."

"That's pathetic."

Kira nodded. "If we all just turn unto ghosts then I'll haunt you. Drop things and mess up your cupboards."

The man stared at her blankly before shoving her away, her voice laughing.

0

_"Coming home." The Novena said quietly. She looked around at the whitewash room. "I guess we did in a way."_

_Las Noches was the place they had sought as Hollow, the place they had desired as Arrancar and the place they dwelled in as Espada. It was as if it were the place their soul was meant to find rest on this side of death. _

_So it was a bit like home. Kira knew that if she left she would return to the castle, to the endless sands because that was where she had found peace. Where she had been broken from her old form, removed from the fear of degeneration. _

_"What?" Grimmjow grunted from the couch. He'd been dozing in a rather rustic kind of way. _

_"Nothing." Kira put her tablet down. _

_"Then stop mumbling. You're pissing me off."_

_"Then piss off. Its my room."_

_"Shut up."_

_The Novena sighed as she stared out the window. It wasn't a place of comfort but it was where they found it, where they made it. It wasn't a place of hope, but it had been to those wandering the sands. It was the home they had while they were here, and when they left they would seek another just as avidly.  
>And maybe they would learn to full it. Find friends there as well. Find enemies too, but mostly friend, challenges and life itself. <em>

_0_

Kira spent a lot of time on her own in the house. Hana was always there for company, as were some of the neighbours and their tea parties. The young woman sometimes travelled into the city and spent a night with her parents after a day buying fabrics for a new kimono or for the tailor in town. The shopkeepers in the little village knew her and they all greeted her when she walked past. They knew she was unconventional – that she travelled without her husband, that she rode horses and was educated more than a woman ought to be. But she was good to them.

One time a young man stumbled out of the geisha house and right into the path of Grimmjow's new wife.  
>"Aren't you beautiful, darling." He had oozed.<p>

Kira kept walking, ignoring him completely. Hana scurried past.

"Hey! Wait!" The man touched Kira's shoulder and turned her to him. "You've got such weird eyes." He slurred.

The young woman pinched the skin on the top of the man's hand and peeled him off. Secretly her heart was pounding, images of Long and the back of the cart streaming painfully through her mind. Kira turned and began to walk away when she was grabbed by the arm.

"We're not done, darling."

The young woman had turned back to the drunk man, gently put her hands on his shoulders, smiled sweetly and replied "no, not yet."

Kira then drove her knee forcefully up. The man doubled over and she took the time to grip the back of his head by the hair and bring his face right up to hers.

"You don't speak to women like that." Her tone was smooth. "Okay?"

The man nodded, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Okay." Kira let him go and continued on her way. The geisha watching from the window clapped.

Hana had laughed and laughed and retold the story to all of the staff. It seemed that her dearest friend had finally found a place where she could be happy, be herself. She had, more importantly, discovered where she was happiest.

Kira sat in her room a week later. She had a book on her lap and looked up happily as Hana came into the room.

"Hello, Hana." The young woman put the book down and invited her friend to sit beside her.

"You've been looking so good lately." Hana mentioned as she lowered beside the girl. "You're getting so strong."

"Not long ago you would have hated the idea."

"I hated the idea of losing you to something that wasn't you. But you haven't changed a bit."

Kira smiled. "What are you up to?"

"Coming to see if you want some tea. We got a new delivery."

"Yes please." The girl said warmly.

"What are you reading?"

"Its mythology. About the afterlife."

Hana clucked her tongue. "You're going to become a superstitious old woman."

"Its such an unknown dimension. No one can come back and say 'this is what it is like'. Its unnerving."

"Its part of life."

"I think its more an extension of life. That we go on and on and on and on, maybe not even knowing that we do."

Hana petted Kira's hand. "I'll get you some tea."

0

"What are you doing?" An amused a shocked voice flitted through the kitchen. "That's not for you! Stick to the normal brew in-case the Master finds out."

A short laugh followed. "Its fine, I promise. The pot holds five cups and they always drink just two each."

"It's just the Lady in this morning." Hana replied to one of the maids. She used formal titles when referring to Kira and Grimmjow, it was what was proper even if they weren't.

"I know. I used the pot that makes three." The maid smiled. "She'll be happy. It's her favourite."

The older woman shook her head. "Fine. But I get the next uneven numbered item that comes out of this kitchen. Okay?"

"Even if it's the dishes?"  
>Hana scowled at her. The other woman laughed as she watched her friend carry a tray out with the tea pot and a single cup balanced on it.<p>

Kira breathed in, her eyes closed as a Fall wind blew the curtains around near the seat she was on. There was always a pot of tea brewing in the kitchen so it was no surprise that Hana came back so soon after leaving.

"Your tea." The woman came in the door backwards. "Now you can read."

"I'm always reading." The woman smiled. "When I'm not doing other things."

Hana smiled and poured Kira her tea. "You miss him, don't you?"

The girl sighed. "I never thought I would. From the moment I met him I wanted to love him, even while I knew how unlovable he can be."

"But you do?"

Kira nodded. "Not that he'd ever say so."

"You think he returns the feeling?"

The young woman didn't indicate anything. If he wouldn't do anything obvious then she wouldn't. But he did. He held her when she slept and didn't ride off when she fell. He had fought for her virtue and he spent time with her even though he said it pissed him off. He didn't have to do any of that. He wouldn't have unless there had been something.

Hana shook her head as she handed Kira her tea.  
>The girl smiled as she took the cup. "Thank you."<p>

The older woman leant forward and kissed the girl on the forehead. "I have chores to attend to now, but I will come and talk with you later. Lord knows that you need someone to reel your thoughts off to."

"That's what my husband is for." Was the cheeky reply.

"Sometimes."

Kira agreed with a roll of the eyes. "Okay, sometimes. You can bring up your own cup. We can share the next pot?"

"I would like that."

After a happy moment of silence later, the door clicked shut. The young woman drank her tea and read her book and thought about the things she wanted to know.

An hour later, Hana walked into the kitchen to fetch a new pot of tea when she stopped dead in her tracks. The kitchen maid was silent on the floor, just laying there in a grotesque manner. It was as if she had tripped and forgotten how to get up.

The nurse quickly dropped to her side and shook her, calling her name. But then something caught her eye. They had received new produce the day before. New rice, new meat, new tea. The packaging was the same, but the seal…the woman fingered the seal…it had been opened more than once. Unless you really looked it was hardly noticeable, but the usual wax seel had been broken and repositioned very, very carefully.

With a short intake of breath, she took off from her place and ran through the house. She pulled the door to the young woman's room open with a sharp tug.

Kira had been reading intently when the words began to fuzz slightly. She blinked hard and kept going. Her skin tingled slightly and it wasn't the breeze. The young woman frowned and put a hand to her head briefly. They had always attacked front on. They had always come on horses, on foot, with their faces and their arms ready.

She panicked for a moment. How could she survive this? She pondered the ways out of her dilemma quickly. The doctor. Soon. Fear climbed up slowly but Kira pushed it down with care.

Hana burst into the room.

Kira's book slid forward over her fingers and landed silently on the floor. Silently. It filled the room.

The young woman's skin was pale, her shoulders bent over slightly and her hair tumbled down her back and over her shoulders. She blinked very slowly and looked over at the woman who had known her from birth. A small noise escaped her mouth. Her insides burned viciously and the tips of her fingers felt light as air.

Hana rushed over and caught her just as she stumbled forward. The young woman was still breathing.

"My Lady? Kira. You need a doctor." The nurse turned to the door. "A DOCTOR! NOW!"

The young woman made a small noise in reply.

"What?"

Kira felt as though her insides were hollowing out. She wanted to cough and splutter but she refused to give the assassin that reward. Her eyes travelled to where the white lantern sat in its place and back to her old friend. She told her without words to light it when it started to get dark. Light the lantern.

The woman nodded. "Oh, my little girl…"  
>Kira touched her arm with great effort. She smiled in her usual, quiet way, a small tear dropping down her cheek as she did so.<p>

Kira wanted, with all she was, to be better in the next world. To be one of the best, first for herself and then for Grimmjow. She hoped she would know how much she had loved him on earth; how human and vulnerable the feeling had been. She wouldn't get to read anything else. She wouldn't go on another ride. She wouldn't get to hold her husband again. Not in this life. Not on this earth. It was all slowly dropping back.

Hana clutched the girl she had known from birth and felt her go slowly still in her arms. The young woman became little more than a body and whatever else there was – well, she would know now.

A stable hand burst into the room. "The doctor is on his way. A message has been sent."

The nurse looked up, her face lined with tears.

The young man, not more than a boy, stood stock still. "She cant…she wouldn't…"

It had happened so soon, it had been so unexpected. But that was how it was always going to be. Kira had known. She had wanted something else so much that her heart believed it, but she knew. No matter how hard one trained, no matter how good at surviving you were; everyone died.

That afternoon, the lantern was lit.

That afternoon, the one after it and the one after that one. On the fourth evening, a man on a horse rode up. He dropped to the ground as soon as he dismounted. In front of him, the weight that pulled him down, was a man. The body of a man. Bloody and covered in dirt.

Silent as his wife.

Grimmjow had been ambushed by a group of his own men. They had been riding along side him and had leapt from their horses brandishing knives. They drove them into his flesh. He had killed three of them before stumbling off, swearing at his horse to come back.  
>His second had found him with a scouting group the next afternoon. He had clung to his life and gone a few miles before collapsing near a riverbed. They took him to his tent where he breathed his last.<p>

Hana mourned them both desperately. The whole house went silent and still.

Hana mourned them both desperately. The whole house went silent and still. It was taken over by Grimmjow's father once more and the funeral took place in the garden.

Time passed on. Some people thought they saw a dark haired woman with strange eyes standing on the house balcony, but she was gone. Hana dreamed of the girl constantly, feeling restless with it. She mourned for a long, long time and never got over it. When she herself passed on she wondered if she would see her Kira again; her baby, her child, her friend.

Time takes all away. Time drifts by. But truth and determination, those things never pass away. They don't die.

So even though their shrine got covered in snow, though no spirits went there, maybe Kira had been right. Maybe they did go on and on and on and maybe, one day or night, they would find each other.

Maybe.

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><p><em>There will be an epilogue posted very soon. Please let me know what you thought of the last official chapter and if you want me to do 'deleted scenes' like I did with Rose of Jericho. :)<em>

_Blessings, _

_P. _


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

Death doesn't hurt. It's nothing to be scared of. The other side is something you'll know when you get there and those you left behind will eventually catch up with you.

Kira spent a while wandering around the house. Her spirit lingered. She watched Hana come into the main bedroom and fold all her things away into trunks. How beautiful they had been, she had owned such nice things. But now they didn't mean anything at all. They were just things in a trunk. Kira hoped Hana would give them to the women in the village and didn't put them away to never be seen again.

The lantern was lit every day when the sun went down and Kira ventured onto the balcony each time. She was always a bit cold, cool to the touch, but she never needed anything warmer to wear. The white kimono she had been wearing at her passing was still wrapped around her, still felt like it was there even though it was just as translucent as she was.

Kira didn't remember how she had come to be back in the house. She had remembered the pain of the poison and the sadness of knowing that she wouldn't hold her husband again but then it was like she had fallen asleep. She realised where she was as if coming out of a daydream, the process of getting there completely forgotten.

The first thing she'd seen was the lit lamp and she smiled gently, knowing her husband would be home soon.  
>But he wasn't. He didn't come. Not that night and not the next. His horse didn't ride through the gates and no man came to report that something had happened. Maybe he had heard about what had happened to her and stayed away. He always did think that if you died you didn't deserve to live. But if he could see those strange beings with the holes in them, then surely he would see her as well.<p>

Kira fingered the chain hanging from her chest. It had been the biggest surprise of all. The ends were snapped and damaged, the links broken through and the rest of the cord disappeared into her body just below her sternum.

A soft wind blew and the long sleeves of the young woman's kimono lifted out behind her. Her hair was still dark, no grey had ever dreamed of sitting in it, and her skin was still firm, smooth and soft – still young.

Kira's eyes shot downwards at a strange noise. Her hands planted on the balcony and she leaned over the edge, searching the night for something. Her senses whirred in a painful way that she had never experienced before. Her instincts were right on edge.

A dark, pitch black creature shot upwards with huge force. Kira stumbled backwards in fright, her hands pressed on the wall behind her as she eyed the animal perched on the balcony. Its dark taloned feet crushed the stone of the structure and little pieces crumbled down to the ground below.

It looked like a huge white bird of prey with a black beak and feet. Like the other creatures that she had seen, it too had a huge hole punched through its body – right through the middle of its stomach.

Kira kept her eyes on the animal as her hand moved to the chain on her body. There was a hard, very circular surface that formed the join between it and her body. Her eyes strayed to the hole in the creature and it screeched, spreading its bat-like wings as it sniffed the air around her.

The young woman slipped sideways and the bird released another awful sound. This noise was followed by the sound of stone being crushed, of the balcony giving under its weight as it followed Kira around. It stalked her as she moved.

The girl flattened her back against the wall. She had never, ever seen anything like this animal before. The horses in the stable snorted when she came near but they never seemed to know she was there. This animal knew, and it wanted something else.  
>Kira reached the corner of the balcony and knit her eyebrows together as the Hollow lurched forward. Her first reaction was to duck but instead she drove the side of her hand against the monster's beak and threw its strike off course. It unbalanced itself with its momentum and teetered on the balcony.<p>

Kira shot towards the door but was stopped by a sudden force around her body. The back of her robes had been grasped tightly and she fell forward, landing heavily on her elbows as her chin smacked into the floor. Her head swam.  
>The young woman rolled onto her back and her clothes tangled around her legs. The creature had a talon gripped into her skirt, its weight holding it all down. Its other leg moved forward until sharp claws dug into the balcony floor beside Kira's hip. It screeched again and the young woman had to close her eyes for the noise.<p>

She steeled herself. She would not die like this. Her soul would not die like this. Kira didn't remember how she got away from the Hollow but she did; her clothes ripped in long lines as she stumbled to her feet. The animal watched her and took a step closer as she turned to face it.

Kira glanced around for something to use against the creature. It had a beak and talons and she still seemed to have the soft body of a human. Her eyes strayed to the room, to the lantern as it glowed. She got lost in it for a moment and only tore herself back to the real world in time to twist sharply away from the coming offensive strike.

She couldn't go yet. She had stayed for a reason. She didn't need him to survive at all but she had promised.

As Kira moved to get away she felt a dull tug at her chest and the clattering of metal. She froze. The Hollow had missed her but it had clamped its beak around the chain in her chest. It tugged sharply, pulling its pray towards it.

Kira gasped at a burning pain that overrode her desire to survive this experience. She wanted to scream as a fire ripped through her torso, radiating from her chest. Her hands flew up to the point of pain. There was no blood.

The young woman looked at the creature and saw her chain hanging from its mouth, the end that had been attached to her swinging back and forth freely.

Her hand touched to her the point below her sternum. There was a hole there and for a moment she understood the creature. She breathed inwards, shuddering as she did so. No pain had ever existed before. No such burning, no such intensity. Every second felt like a lifetime.

Kira's vision shot white all the way through and the hurt climbed to her head, threatening to rip it open, to explode it. She swivelled her head to where she knew the view from the balcony was. Maybe she would see him come home.  
>It couldn't end like this. There had to be more than this.<p>

And whatever it was, whatever came after this, she would fight it like a demon. She would be the best it had ever seen and she would own it as her own.

Her soul didn't fall here. It didn't get to disappear. It wasn't allowed to. She wouldn't let it.


	21. A Note From The Author

**Authors Note**

First things first. A HUGE thank you to all those who read and reviewed, I wouldnt have had the motivation to continue the story without you. This season has been hectic and you've all been so understanding and I really appreciate everything you've said and all the time you've taken to support the story.

I hope you've enjoyed this story. With Tite Kubo announcing that Grimmjow will be back and the Bleach manga _finally_ going somewhere I might end up writing another Kira story. It'll probably happen when the story line with Grimmjow in it is in full swing (if you guys want the story to continue).

The next thing I might write is a Maximum Ride fanfic. The books are not usually what I'd go for – the whole teen angst thing – but I'm actually enjoying them quite a bit. The simplicity is refreshing and James Patterson is a thriller writer so he does know how to keep you engaged.  
>If you are interested in 'deleted scenes' for this story then let me know.<p>

Also let me know what you think about this story and the possibility of a Maximum Ride story. I really do value your input.

The best way to contact me is on my tumblr because I check that more often than I check anything else. Its peterpauper(dot)tumblr(dot)com and there's an 'ask' button near the top. I'll answer whatever you ask to the best of my ability.

Thanks for reading _The Chain_!

Blessings,

P.


	22. Tumblr

**Tumblr  
><strong>

Remember you can ask me anything on my tumblr. You can do it as an anon or through your own account.  
>There you will also find pictures, quotes, music, videos...etc that I hope will inspire you as much as they inspire me.<br>Its at www(.)peterpauper(.)tumblr(.)com  
>Just remove the brackets because ffic wont let me post without them.<p>

Sincerely,

P.

****


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